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[otiosity]

Alright shipmates. I have a very important and deeply philosophical question to ask all of you. It may change your life and rock you to your very core.

[Serious Hawke isn't all that good at being serious. So don't be bad if you assume, just a little bit, that this is a shitpost. Hawke clears her throat dramatically before continuing.]

Let's say you you receive an item. Something like a book or... a computer... read-y thing. And within it's pages it details the future of your life exactly as someone you know experienced it.

Would you read it? Only read the parts that are your past? Or just toss the whole bloody pile of them out garbage chute? Is there any right answer? Is it more dangerous to know your future or to experience it blindly? Questions! Thinky-thoughts! Deep ones.

Which leads me to-

[Hawke shows to the camera a large leather bound book entitled Tale of the Champion and decorated with the Kirkwall City Crest on it. Behind her there are a stack of at least 10 similar books.]

If you would like a copy of the apparently popular book by the somehow incredibly popular author, Varric Tehras, you can hit me up. Look, it's even autographed. Bet that's worth a coin or two. Maybe I'll even sign it so it's double famous. Or perhaps infamous. Which is maybe why the Ingress decided I needed 20 of them.

[She's not gonna sign it. Honestly, she finds this whole thing jacked! But also funny and curious and that's a lot of feelings all at once for Marian Hawke.

Then she reaches down onto the pile of books and pulls out an extremely cute and lace covered bra.]

I'm also giving away this thing for anyone who desperately wants to have the most beautiful bosom on the ship. Sadly, I just don't have the heart to suffer for beauty. I'm a born and true ruffian at heart. Size 32AA.

((ooc; "Tale of the Champion" details the events of Dragon Age II which you can read the short version or the long version of the summary if you want to get a copy/assume you were given a copy by Hawke and ask her questions about it. I'm also open at bowtie or PM if you wanna ask specific questions))

Comments

[arcreact]

[ God bless you, you walking shitpost of a person. ]

It's beautiful. I'm gonna sell it and make my second fortune.

[otiosity]

And the poor fool who buys it to do unspeakable things with it will never know that it never once touched my bosom. A tragedy.

Though I do hope future me told Varric to specifically write that my tits are fantastic in the book. Add a bit of fantasy to it.

[She leans over and flips through the book as though hoping there will be a chapter entitled HAWKE'S TITS.]

[arcreact]

[ Yeah, about that. Call it acting on kneejerk impulse, but he reaches out and flips the book closed before she can actually squint at any of its contents too closely. And leaves his hand there, as further discouragement. ]

I think you're better off wondering.

[otiosity]

[THERE BE RAISED EYEBROWS HERE.]

Are you suddenly looking after my well being? That might change our whole dynamic.

[arcreact]

[ He's meeting those raised eyebrows with the most level of looks. ]

Call it unsolicited advice if it makes you feel better.

[ Except how she basically solicited it when she addressed the network in the first place, but details. ]

[otiosity]

I just expected a different answer from Tony Stark.

[You know. The edgy one. The YEAH GO FOR IT.]

Now I'll never know the state of my fictional tits.

[arcreact]

First rule of Tony Stark, expect the unexpected.

[ Which is a much better deflection than explaining that finding out about your future secondhand can be a bunch of really depressing, frustrating, alarming horseshit. ]

But you could always self-publish a tit treatise if you're really concerned about it.

[otiosity]

You never fail at it, Boss Man.

[Sadly for you Hawke is somewhat assumes there's a personal thing with you. Hawke is generally too lazy to be astute.]

So. You think I could write a chapter about my tits?

[GESTURES. they are non existent friend.]

[arcreact]

[ DON'T WORRY, HE LOOKS. What's some platonic boob-staring between friends? ]

I mean, sure, why not? Embrace your tits. Sing their praises to the galaxy. I'll even be your editor, if you're worried about your tit diction.

[otiosity]

[Hawke reaches up and pretends to dramatically wipe a tear from her eye.]

Thank the Maker for you. What have I done to deserve someone who would go so far for me and my tits? It's like you were sent here to me by fate.

[arcreact]

[ He reaches out to put a supportive, steadying hand on her shoulder. ]

Just think of me as your fairy boob mother.

[otiosity]

My... what?

[No pop culture here buddy, remember?]

[arcreact]

[ JUST KIDDING, he retracts that supportive hand. ]

My genius is utterly wasted.

[otiosity]

I can give a few chuckles and a knowing nod if you'd prefer.

[arcreact]

I don't want your dirty pity chuckles.

[ HOW DARE YOU. ]

[otiosity]

It's not pity! It's trusting you were funny even if I didn't get the joke. Ohh, it's a metaphorical trust fall.

[arcreact]

[ He gives that a long moment of SERIOUS contemplation, like he's trying to decide whether to call bullshit or not. ]

... I guess that's sorta heartwarming. Kinda.

[otiosity]

What can I say? I'm dangerously full of heart and impish honesty.

[She swings her legs from her sitting position on the table. How could you call bullshit on such an adorable image.]

[arcreact]

[ He gives her the flattest look. ]

That would work better if your ass wasn't on everything I've been working on for the past seventeen hours.

[otiosity]

I appreciate you checking out my arse all the same.

{SHE DOESN'T... MOVE. SHE KEEPS SITTING.]

Though have you considered sleeping? I recommend it.