video. 001.

[whatdidisay]

( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.

well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )

Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—

( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )

I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.

He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.

( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )

Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.

( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )

So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.

ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.

Comments

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[tearmeanewone]

[...oh.]

[So Miles didn't have anybody he'd like to ask on a date. Including her, apparently, probably because she isn't 'sexually creative' enough for him. Well, he can't help that, he likes what he likes and she's... just not it.]

[Elizabeth is very new to this dating and liking-people-in-a-romantic-way, so much so that this is the first time she's felt... mild heartbreak? At the very least, she feels sad for being passed over, but they could be friends still, probably.]

[...why did Greg want five children? Elizabeth shudders at the thought of being pregnant for forty-five months at least, such a woman would have to be a masochist.]

Good luck to you both!

[Because that's what friends did-- encourage them to find someone or something that made them happy. Even if it stung a little.]

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[whatdidisay]

Thank you for a positive response, Elizabeth. I'm sure they'll both find someone eventually.

( god no, that's what they have uterine replicators for now. no woman every has to be pregnant again.

he does kind of miss everything else she's feeling though, blissfully unaware. )

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[tearmeanewone]

Well the world is brighter with a partner of some kind, I'll say that from experience.

[Yes Ivan, don't notice she's using text instead of voice like she always does. It's fine. It's totally fine.]

[fake uteri what]

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[whatdidisay]

Yeah? S'very romantic way of looking at it, I guess.

( surely you didn't date him for his ability to put one and one together and get two, elizabeth. he might noticed, but he's not going to put it together.

THE MAGIC OF THE FUTURE, THAT'S WHAT. ask miles about it, he's the only one of them who was born that way. sort of. )

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[tearmeanewone]

It's not just romance, though. The right friend, the right family member... just a partner in general can make things a little better.

[Nah, you make her giggle and keep her warm Ivan, that's about what she expects here.]

[THIS IS TOO BIZARRE EVEN FOR SOMEONE FROM BIOSHOCK.]

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[whatdidisay]

Maybe where you come from. With me they always seem to drag me into more trouble. Or actual kidnappings.

( bless you, elizabeth. )

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[tearmeanewone]

It's a kind of love.

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[whatdidisay]

I'll try to remember that the next time Miles almost gets me killed. Because there will be a next time with him, there always is.

( and on a conversation topic that isn't his cousin: )

You doing okay, with everything going on?

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[tearmeanewone]

[Yes, Elizabeth has no doubt of that, Ivan. She's with you on that point.]

My shoulder feels tight still, but considering I escaped from that in one piece after meeting it twice I'm counting myself fortunate.

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[lets_see_what_happens]

Thank you, Elizabeth. It's true I'd prefer my relatives to have a single gram of common sense in their heads over any amount of luck, but I've given up on praying for the impossible and I think luck will have to do.

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[tearmeanewone]

Oh... you didn't want Ivan to do this?

[Sorry Greg. She's new here.]

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[lets_see_what_happens]

He certainly did not ask my permission. Nor Miles'. Nor did he allow us any editorial say over what he posted beforehand.

So... no, in short.

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[tearmeanewone]

...So Miles isn't sexually adventurous and you don't want five children?

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[lets_see_what_happens]

[There is a brief pause.]

It is my extremely limited outsider's understanding of Miles' personal affairs that he is not exclusively adventurous, but I would not presume to speak for him. [Unlike some people around here.] As for myself, I am not opposed to children, if I meet the right person at the right time--though I think 'five' is a bit of a strong advertisement for a personals ad.

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[tearmeanewone]

[God what a diplomatic answer. Not terribly encouraging in the Miles department but... honest at least.]

I'd say it's a little strong. I'm not sure I want to think of forty-five months of being pregnant when I read about someone I might like to have coffee with, now that I think about it.

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[lets_see_what_happens]

[Gregor chokes a little on a half-laugh, staring down at the communicator for a moment.]

I don't think I'd ask that of anyone, no. As an interesting bit of trivia, uterine replicators have recently become relatively standard use back at home, so I would not be asking anyone to be pregnant for any period of time, for certain strictly physical definitions of pregnant. I think banning any woman who was willing to be the wife of any one of us three from drinking for nine months at a time would be cruel and unusual, pregnant or not.

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[tearmeanewone]

...I'm not certain I'd classify that as 'trivia', that sounds like terrifying science fiction instead of a party game.

[Holy hell, did anybody have to do anything the hard way in the future? Good lord...]

You're all very hard on your fellow family members, I haven't had a single drink to handle Ivan or Miles yet.

[Could help that her father was an alcoholic so she's a little... nngh, about drinking to excess. But this is a funnier way of saying that.]

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[forwardmomentum]

[ oh god. oh god. miles has been doing his damnedest to get over elizabeth -- to mend a litle heartbreak from something that hadn't even happened -- and now this. could this get any worse? he's going to get his hands around ivan's stupid, smug neck, and...

god. no. she's going to think he's desperate, and there isn't anything worse than that. he really, really doesn't want elizabeth to think any less of him for this. ]

Elizabeth, I assure you, I did not ask him to do this!

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[tearmeanewone]

I'm starting to get that impression. Though I can't decide if he was actually trying to be helpful, or just ribbing you two.

It's not such a bad thing, is it? Wanting someone you care about to be happy?

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[forwardmomentum]

He isn't doing this because he wants me to be happy, Elizabeth, he's doing it because he thinks my affairs are his business.

[ that's a bit of a stretch. ivan's doing it to get miles to quit sulking and whining about not getting laid, which -- damn it, he isn't doing that. anymore. ]

This is just Ivan's idea of helping and of a joke. All the funnier to him that he can roll it all up into one neat package. I don't need Ivan to go around holding me up to the highest bidder, let alone with that kind of advertisement. Not exactly a flattering description, is it? You'd think he'd understand it's hard enough for me as it is, but there's Ivan for you. He's got about as much tact as a...well, as Ivan Vorpatril, because frankly, I'm not sure there's a better comparison.

[ and it is hard for miles, and he wishes just once that ivan would acknowledge that. with this body... and it's not like he hasn't had negative experiences to back that apprehension up. ]

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[tearmeanewone]

[Those two things seem to be at odds with one another-- helping and jokes-- but far be it from Elizabeth to understand how things work with these nutty space Russians cousins.]

Flattering... not exactly if someone takes it at face-value, I guess, you have me there.

I suppose Ivan doesn't understand because his type is... probably just about anybody interesting, right? [Yes, she has no illusions about the sort of man Ivan is. He loves women, period. Elizabeth is no doubt one of many, but why should that prevent her from taking his attentions when he gives them?] He probably doesn't get that some people have very specific types, and that can make the search for someone very difficult.

[It's okay that you like unusual partners and sexual adventure, Miles. You'll find somebody who's not human-shaped and can bend into a pretzel.]

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[forwardmomentum]

[ GOD DAMMIT IVAN and god miles hates talking about this, but he kind of doesn't know how to stop himself, because it's important to him that, if nothing else, elizabeth doesn't come away from this with the weird perverted image of himself that ivan seems to be advertising. ]

Ah -- no. It's not about types, it's about... Well, you've seen me.

[ he almost doesn't send that -- he cringes when he does -- but dammit, he's not going to let ivan leave that lasting impression of him on elizabeth. ]

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[tearmeanewone]

[Oh.]

[Elizabeth isn't quite so naive not to understand what Miles is getting at. Books had taught her enough about what people thought 'handsome' meant, but she'd never given it too much thought in her youth. Traveling and having adventures had held her interest more easily than books about knights saving princesses. Maybe that had been an unintentional gift given to her by the Luteces when they stocked her tower with science texts and history books-- she'd fallen in love with learning before ever seeing another human being.]

But how we look is temporary. Believe me, I've seen myself as an old woman, it's not attractive. Anyone who thinks that's the most important thing doesn't have the larger picture in mind. You can only stare at somebody for so long before it gets a little awkward.

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[forwardmomentum]

[ ouch. she doesn't mean to, obviously, but her attempt at reassurance stings a little in the most unintentional way. miles always has been sensitive about this, despite his outward swagger and his desperate attempts to convince people otherwise. ]

That's...kind of you, but this isn't the sort of thing that will go away with age. I'll always look like this, Elizabeth. I'm not so picky about my choice of partners as Ivan makes it sound. It's fitting into other people's tastes that's the trick.

[ and now he's just...waxing plaintive at a girl he wishes he could be seeing, and that almost just makes all of this worse. god. get a hold of yourself, boy, for god's sake. ]

At any rate, I don't expect anything to come of Ivan's little...whatever this is, except perhaps a harder time seeking any...romantic pursuits. This whole post makes me out to be rather a joke. Well, joke's on Ivan, I suppose, then.

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[tearmeanewone]

I'm not suggesting it will go away-- what I'm saying is that fitting with some kind of common 'taste' in terms of physical attractiveness isn't everything. I imagine it's enough for some people, but it's hard for me to understand how it could be given how not all of us will always look the same-- like you apparently will.

I don't think it'll be harder for you. You're smart, and very sharp-witted, and trustworthy, and attentive... You don't need anybody who can't value those things.