thisavrou | text; + action options

[The following is actually a series of three separate posts to the network; all three are posted in fairly quick succession, likely before anyone can reply to the first two, though they are open to comments.]

how do you make it so not everyone can read one of these things

[like thirty seconds later]

oh

[a couple of minutes later LOCKED FROM CERTAIN PEOPLE NAMED ELENA FISHER]

so a bunch of people use this system to pour their hearts out and get other people to do the same which usually seems weird to me. i mean just because you say it over the mid doesn't mean you won't run into people later and make it really weird and awkward. i don't know maybe that's just me.

except what the hell i'm pretty drunk right now so why the fuck not!

RIDDLE ME THIS, CREWMATES. pretend for a minute that you're a complete asshole who somehow got the most amazing woman in the world to marry you, fucked it up real fast like dropped a grenade on it bad BECAUSE you're a complete asshole, got her to take you back and start over and then fucked it up again.

what do you do? asking for a friend.

also the first person to make a suggestion that actually works can have some of my alcohol stash. everyone else can fuck off i'm not sharing.

[action options - feel free to go from a network thread to one of these]

[OPTION 1: DRUNK. Nate is pretty toasted as he wanders around the ship, but not so much than he has trouble getting around with just an occasional stumble. Alcohol tends to loosen his lips, so he'll gladly (well, not he's not real glad about anything right now) talk to anyone who makes the poor life decision to talk to him first.

[OPTION 2: DRUNKER. Jeez, he's getting to be a real mess now. Nate makes a trip to where the Mess Hall used to be so he can pour one out in honor of the lost bar. What a hideous waste of alcohol. Afterward, he visits the observation deck to drunkenly look at the stars, and will stay there.

[OPTION 3: DRUNKEST. Oh god he's so unhappy. Look at this complete wreck of a man who's making the observation deck a pretty unpleasant place to be. He is completely wasted. (Existing CR only for this option please—basically, if they've had at least one conversation, you're good.)]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He starts to shake his head—but doesn't continue, because oh god that's bad—until he feels her sit, so slowly and carefully, he lifts his legs onto the bunk and slides over. It doesn't strike him how familiar this is until he finds himself automatically moving to place his head in her lap.]

[ At first he's like a child who's too stubborn to sleep, fighting it. As soon as he moves and lowers himself down, Elena feels herself pause. Oh...okay. This is...different.

She hadn't meant lay his head down in her lap to sleep, she'd meant sleep on the pillow. Her lap couldn't be comfortable...

Sighing, gives in and doesn't protest. Her fingers brush along his ear and over his hair. ]

[However relatively comfortable her lap is, he relaxes immediately. As long as she's here, as long as he can touch her, he feels like things might be okay.

If he closes his eyes and pretends he's got a ton more bruises, they could be back in Yemen. Her hands in his hair are just like they were then.]

Here we are again.

[ It takes her a moment for it to click, what he's talking about. Her motions never stop, soothing brushes through his hair, along his scalp. ]

Here we are. [ A small pause. ] Has this already happened..?

[He nods, a faint motion against her legs.]

After I washed up on shore. You made me sleep.

[He lets out a long breath.]

You were gonna go after Sully alone.

Of course I was...

[ Her eyes close— she would've gone to the ends of the earth for that old man, just the same as she would've done it for Nate. ]

You probably needed the rest.

Yeah.

[Lying there as he is, remembering that day, it's the most natural thing in the world to reach up to touch her hand like he did then.]

I'm sorry.

[ Her fingers curl over his to reassure him, patting. ]

I know...

[ He's always going to be sorry, he's always going to apologize. She hopes he doesn't fall into an endless cycle of repeating those two words again and again. ]

[It's the same. It's always the same. But he doesn't want to repeat the same things over and over.]

Wasn't about secrets.

[He takes her hand tighter in his, but still not very tight. He doesn't have the strength.]

After I lost 'm...I tried to forget.

[ Softly, Elena shushes him. She strokes some stray hair off his forehead, brushing over his hair line. What is all of this supposed to mean?

Why is he suffering and refusing to let her help him? ]

They can be lost, Nate, but you don't need to forget.

[She's right. She's always right, and she doesn't even know how. She should know, she should know everything, but it was so much easier to lock it all away...]

I know.

[He's learning. He's working on it.]

You were lost, once, for a while. [ Softly. ] But not once did I forget.

[ If she wasn't stuck with the glass bits in her torso, Elena would've leaned down to kiss his temple. Leaning down that far seems impossible, and painful. She settles on continuing with her stroking his hair. ]

[It's not the same, but it's still true. He'd been alive all that time, but just as lost as he'd been in the desert. And she'd never turned her back on him.]

I don't deserve you.

[His eyes drift shut.]

I love you.

I know...

[ But to what she's agreeing with, it's left to hang between them. She's glad his eyes are shutting as he'll miss the way her face begins to crumple and she turns it away, taking a slow breath so it doesn't show that she's on the verge of breaking.

He causes her more grief than she deserves— than anyone deserves— and yet the thought of walking away, of leaving him, it hurts more than anything he's ever put her through. ]

[Nate doesn't say anything more then. There's so much to talk about, so many things they've avoided. He couldn't begin to approach them now.

But he will. He wants to promise her that. Whatever he's lost, however it broke a part of his heart that won't be put together again, that's over and done with and can't be changed. It's what he could still lose that he's so afraid of.

He won't. He promises himself that, as he starts to fall asleep. He'll tell her everything and they'll face their issues head-on, no matter how hard it is. They'll be happy again.]

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