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[The following is actually a series of three separate posts to the network; all three are posted in fairly quick succession, likely before anyone can reply to the first two, though they are open to comments.]

how do you make it so not everyone can read one of these things

[like thirty seconds later]

oh

[a couple of minutes later LOCKED FROM CERTAIN PEOPLE NAMED ELENA FISHER]

so a bunch of people use this system to pour their hearts out and get other people to do the same which usually seems weird to me. i mean just because you say it over the mid doesn't mean you won't run into people later and make it really weird and awkward. i don't know maybe that's just me.

except what the hell i'm pretty drunk right now so why the fuck not!

RIDDLE ME THIS, CREWMATES. pretend for a minute that you're a complete asshole who somehow got the most amazing woman in the world to marry you, fucked it up real fast like dropped a grenade on it bad BECAUSE you're a complete asshole, got her to take you back and start over and then fucked it up again.

what do you do? asking for a friend.

also the first person to make a suggestion that actually works can have some of my alcohol stash. everyone else can fuck off i'm not sharing.

[action options - feel free to go from a network thread to one of these]

[OPTION 1: DRUNK. Nate is pretty toasted as he wanders around the ship, but not so much than he has trouble getting around with just an occasional stumble. Alcohol tends to loosen his lips, so he'll gladly (well, not he's not real glad about anything right now) talk to anyone who makes the poor life decision to talk to him first.

[OPTION 2: DRUNKER. Jeez, he's getting to be a real mess now. Nate makes a trip to where the Mess Hall used to be so he can pour one out in honor of the lost bar. What a hideous waste of alcohol. Afterward, he visits the observation deck to drunkenly look at the stars, and will stay there.

[OPTION 3: DRUNKEST. Oh god he's so unhappy. Look at this complete wreck of a man who's making the observation deck a pretty unpleasant place to be. He is completely wasted. (Existing CR only for this option please—basically, if they've had at least one conversation, you're good.)]

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[Haaaaa ha ha so funny not. He reaches for the jerky but doesn't start eating it yet.]

Best friends. They're kinda quiet, though. Not much to say about the sights.

[Ha! That actually gets a dry laugh.]

Wouldn't dream of it. But you've got enough people to look after already.

thanks for noticing
hey i know my weaknesses
no harm in looking for outside expertise since i clearly have none

Not at all. I'll never be able to stomach another deep mushroom again.

[Man they have so much to bond over! Too bad they also bond over NEVER SHARING FEELINGS.]

Isn't cursed artifacts the best sort of treasure story there is? It's quintessential. Let's hear it.

Oh yeah? How about you? Moved by the majesty of the heavens?

[Here, she pulls a piece of jerky out, twiddling it in her fingers.]

Struck dumb by the inky canvas of space?

Actually, I was checking out the constellations in this part of space and deciding what shapes they make.

That one looks like a penis.

[He points. It does!]

Huh. [It really does.] Little heavy on the jewels, though.

[She takes a bite of jerky, and pushes the water bottle towards Nate, until it bumps into his side. After another beat, she points at another part of the "sky", outlining with her finger:]

Anatomically-accurate breasts.

[pathetic is an underestimation here. ]

what dont tell me youre not one of those guys wholl show up to girls house while being drunk and then shoots her and her new boyfriend?

Well, she married you in the first place. You must have done something right.

[Or perhaps Dorian just preened more than most guys and thought very highly of his feet- well, nor more or lest than everything else about himself.]

Ahah. I'll be sure to make a charity run, find as many people willing to donate pillows as possible. Have all my meals delivered and everything! Should be nice. [A pipe dream, rather, Dorian hadn't been that pampered in a long time, but at least Nate wasn't alone, and the concern was touching.

Throwing back his second glass of wine he poured another as the man continued on about his adventures. The mage had to fight down the urge to laugh while he drank, snorting instead and making a pained expression in the process, because the wine went down hard.

Balls-shrinkingly-cold.] There's an image.

[Of course if it was anything like the Emprise? Snow, ice, mountains...then yes, he could very well imagine. More story time though and so he leaned back again, sipping and listening, not a clue still, but interested all the same. Nate's enthusiasm was what made the story entertaining regardless if he understood the finer points or not.

Better than Varric's shitty smut literature, anyway. Sorry Varric.]

Well, if I had to choose between being a hideous, purple, immortal with bad teeth or being a devastatingly handsome mortal with great teeth? I would choose me every time. [He'd seen what immortality had done to Corypheus, it certainly did not make him handsome.]

or you know ~~*~~DRAWING~~*~~

They don't count for much if all you use them for is not walking away, man.

Could've saved me a big one, mate.

[But that's alright, she'll forgive him.]

So... trouble in paradise?

you really dodged a bullet with me, you know that? i mean not that i think we would have ended up in the same place, you're not really one for the domestic life, but seriously it's a good thing we split up when we did, because i'm really good at fucking things up for everyone i care about. you were smart to get out of the blast radius.

[So, that's a yes.]

Read it again when you're sober. It'll totally make sense then. Maybe.

Good luck, pal.

[ Nate was not wrong in that statement and Adrien gave an acknowledging nod. ]

If you could avoid landing in the MedBay due to alcohol poisoning, I'd appreciate it.

[ He agreed and perhaps slid in a low stress suggestion that Nate back off the sauce. At least for a bit.

However, he wasn't here to babysit the man and with another nod turned to head back towards Medical. ]

[Sometime tomorrow morning, Nate will remember this and be embarrassed until he remembers how quickly she found a pair of star tits.]

Oh, yeah, you're right. Huh. Now we just need to find an ass.

[He fumbles for another bottle and mostly goes for the water because it's the closest thing at hand.]

[Ouch. That actually stings.]

maybe so but i don't want to hear about different ladies. there are no more ladies.

[He can picture that, although in his current state the image is sort of fuzzy around the edges. Dorian lounging around in plush cushions, attended to by the little people. Actually, that would be kind of fun to draw.

As long as he keeps the wine flowing. Nate knows shit-all about good vintages, but this tastes good, and that's even more impressive considering his taste buds started to die a little while ago.]

Somehow I'm not surprised. s'not your color. You could maybe pull off the yeti costume, though. [Lend it some flair.] Looked like a pretty bad gig anyway. Amazing lost city, hardly anyone in it, and all these asshole grapes did was try to keep people out.

[A terrible career. And no benefits to speak of.]

So we found the city and my ex-friend got shot by his asshole boss and blew himself up with a grenade because why not, damn near took Elena with him. I stopped the asshole from getting all the sap, which kinda blew up the city, me 'n Chloe barely got Elena out before she bled to death, everyone went home and we got married because hey, I wasn't actually over her.

[jazz hands] The end!

not really i just have a magic dick

[Bonding over never sharing feelings is, like, triple bonding though. It counts for more.]

All right, all right. Soooo my wife had this archeology TV show—she wasn't my wife at the time, we'd never met before—and I basically conned her and her producers into funding an expedition to retrieve the buried-at-sea coffin of Sir Fr—uhhh, this really famous explorer. My ancestor.

[...sort of. Maybe.]

But! He actually faked his death, which I'd counted on, and left clues to El Dorado, the mythical city of gold. So my partner and me ditched her to go find it. Except it wasn't a city, it was just a huge fucking gold state, which is still pretty great.

what? no, jesus
i would just never love again
that's all

ehhhh
i've drawn for her for years
i don't think it's going to impress her much

i sure as hell hope so

thanks buddy

I'll do my best but no promises.

[He waves behind him and doesn't watch the doctor go. But he won't forget what he said.]

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