thisavrou | audio | locked from Riptide

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Okay, yeah, I know, bad timing Sideswipe, and we've got bigger problems, Sideswipe.

But... a lot of Not So Awesome stuff is going down with a friend of mine. And ... I...

[Some of the flippant nonchalance in his voice cracks. He goes quiet. This is really hard to admit, and yes, he KNOWS there's a lot going on right now. But it's been beyond him for a long time.]

[Too long.]

I don't know how to help. I wanna.

But I don't know how.

So if anyone's got a sec? Appreciate some feedback here. Y'know, anyone who isn't gonna yell at me for bringing this up right now. That'd be great.

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[Ratchet actually flinches a little, almost imperceptibly, the weight of that simple unhesitating trust pressing down hard on the top of his fuel tanks like a clenched fist.]

I'm trying. [His voice is hoarse and he stops, clears it of static.] I'm doing everything I can, I promise you. I know there are other things going on and I don't even know if they were Tarn's doing, so I'm finding out what they are as fast as possible so I can--

[Do what? Fix it how, by wiggling his stolen fingers and hoping for the best? He's no mnemosurgeon, he doesn't even know what the hell this place did. ...none of these things are Sideswipe's problem, however, and he closes his teeth on them carefully.]

We're all helping him in our own ways. Yours is no less important--don't count yourself out.

Did he tell you about the box he got, too? Cause that... he freaked out really bad about that.

[And he doesn't know why. Not exactly.]

How can you be sure, though, man? I don't... feel like I'm doing anything.

Yeah--yeah, he did. It was... not a nice gift.

You are, though. Just giving him a taste of normalcy. Just being there for him when he needs it--and he does need it. You're doing more than you know, even if it doesn't feel like it. ...I know you're not doing it for me, but I appreciate it all the same, for his sake.

Kinda got the impression there.

[Not that Riptide told him any details, but still.]

But I don't know what to do when he freaks out? When he... he started yelling the box was alive and it moved and it wasn't him... Being normal's all nice and easy.

But if that happens?

I know it can be unnerving, or just straight-up scary when that happens. But it's... it's still him, Sideswipe, he's just frightened. The stuff he's seen and the things he's going through can make him frightened enough that sometimes he acts... not like himself.

The simple and extremely unsatisfying answer is that you can't fix it. There's no magic Right Thing to do that will make it better. And that sucks, because you care, and if there was that thing you'd do it--that's admirable. And I'm glad Riptide has such a good friend, someone who cares that much.

But as it is, the best we can do is just ride it out. Stay with him when you can, try to calm him down when he's losing it, remind him that not everything's awful, tell him things are gonna be okay. Just don't burn yourself out in the process. I meant it, when I said I know it's scary for you, too--if you let it break you down or wear you out, not only will you feel awful, you also won't be able to help him anymore. Remember to take care of yourself, too.

And don't hesitate to call me if something seems like it's really wrong. Best case scenario, you're wrong about it being something dangerous and he's just got somebody else who gives a damn there to help. Worst case, he really does need medical attention, and you've done everything you can for him. Either way, I'll help however I can

I know you want to help him out, and I'm glad, but you're not alone either. Okay, kid?

I'm not scared! I'm fine! You don't have to worry about me, and he doesn't either, okay? I'm fine!

[He is very much not fine. That whole statement is a lie, because... this is scary, it's true. This is awful, and it hurts so much.]

[Movies were never like this. There was always something you could do to fix things. There was always a way. The hero was supposed to fix things -- and, Team Bee were heroes. Weren't they?]

[He's sort of hunched in on himself the longer Ratchet talks. Eventually looking away completely, face in his arms.]

S'not about me. Okay? Don't... make all this scrap about me -- I'm not the one who got... Tarn'd. Or stuck with a bad box.

[It's more sullen than anything. He's just -- he wants so badly to be able to help someone. To fix something. And nothing's working. Everyone seems more focused on how he feels. Which isn't at all what he wants...]

[... isn't it? It's selfish, right? To want that acknowledgment?]

Act like everything's normal. Just... stay calm and stuff? That's really it?

It not being about you doesn't mean it doesn't have an impact on you. And if you don't recognize the impact it has on you and take care of yourself too, you won't be able to help him, understand?

[How he can stay straight-faced in the wake of this wild hypocrisy is anyone's guess.]

You're not the person this bad stuff happened to, but you're the guy who gives a damn about the person this bad stuff happened to, and that's hard too. But... yeah. You don't have to act like everything's normal, because it's not, but just be there for him. Distract him, if you can. It's an anchor, sometimes, to just have somebody solid who isn't in the middle of all that mess to remind you that it's not all bad. We all need people like that sometimes--if you can do that for Riptide, it'll help, even if it won't fix it.

No, that's not the point! It's --

I'm not asking 'cause I'm in a bad spot! I wanna fix him! Then I'll worry about my own scrap, okay? Make sense?

[Sorry, Ratchet he's a bit exasperated and scared both.]

I'm... trying to do that. All of it. Already. It's really gonna help?

You can't, Sideswipe. You can't fix him. It'll get better, but there's no 'fix.' It's just... this. The everyday stuff.

Yeah, it'll help.

[It's... sort of like being slapped. That can't be true. Everyone knows heroes can fix problems and save their friends. That's what happens. He's supposed to -- isn't he?]

[Why is this different?]

[He looks away, and scrubs at his face like that's going to hide the sudden, pained expression crossing it. Or hide the inevitable tears.]

But he... he doesn't deserve... he's a good guy...

[I don't understand...]

Yeah, you're right. He is a good guy, and he doesn't deserve all this. I'm not arguing with you there in the slightest.

[He's quiet for a long moment, considering, then exhales a shivering gust of air from his vents.]

Look, kid--our war was long, and Riptide saw some of the worst of it right up close, first thing. When bad things--things like that, things like Tarn, like that box--when they happen, it's not something that just... goes away. It gets better, sometimes, but it doesn't go away. It's like a bad injury. You can't magically flip a switch and make those things disappear, and nobody's expecting you to. When it's a problem like that, some huge heroic gesture to make it all better--that's not what helps. It has to heal up slowly. It's the little everyday stuff that does it, and I know it's not as flashy or as satisfying, but it's just as hard, and it takes somebody just as brave.

But...

[But you should be able to. You should be able to fix the good guys. They should be able to stand back up again, no matter what.]

[The other Good Guys are supposed to be able to make this right again.]

[So why can't he?]

But injuries go away! You can't see the place I ripped my leg open on that old warehouse pylon! It's gone!

[Why can't this go away too?]

Yeah, they do. But some heal faster than others. Some take a long time--a very long time. And the fact that things keep happening to upset him isn't helping any.

... No. It's not.

I'm... I just want him to be okay. Like he used to be.

Yeah. ...yeah, me too.

It's just not going to happen overnight, Sideswipe. You have to be patient with him.

I... I figured that.

But I just. Wanna make it happen faster than millions of years from now.

It'll happen when it happens. You can't make it go faster or slower--that has to be up to Riptide. And leaning on him to feel better faster than he's ready to isn't going to help at all, do you understand?

This has to be at his own pace.

Don't get mad at me!

I'm -- I'm trying to help! That's all I've ever done since I got stuck here! Don't lecture me like that -- like I'm trying to screw this up!

I'm not mad at you, Sideswipe. [Ratchet gentles his voice as much as he can, feeling tiredness in him like an ache, dragging and relentless.] I'm not trying to lecture you, and I certainly don't think you're trying to screw this up. I know how tempting it is to want to push Riptide to get better faster--it's my job to make sure he's okay, and it's difficult, knowing he's not. I'm just trying to help you understand that this is going to take as long as it takes, and it's not your fault or your responsibility if he's not better next week, or next month, or next year.

You're helping as much as you can just doing what you're doing right now, and I'm sure Riptide is grateful for it.

[He makes an upset sort of huff, and scrubs angrily at his face. No, he's not crying, shut up.]

Then... then... talk to him! Because I don't know how to do it! I don't know what I'm doing here -- and ... and I can't let him get more hurt!

Okay?

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