thisavrou | audio; a very important statement for the entire crew

[Solemn silence reigns for the first few moments of the broadcast. A shuffle of papers, a clearing of his throat -- or technically, a very good impersonation of it. There's no throat to clear. Anyway.]

Okay, so. I know there's been a lot of back and forth lately, kids. And I don't wanna add to the tension, but as long as we're ripping off band aids? I figure there's no time like the present.

[Another deep breath. Clearly, this is weighing heavily on the guy.]

I'm gonna say a few words that'll mean a lot to you guys. Bran. Oatmeal. Raisins. Words that should never even brush against the word muffin. And yet every Saturday, seems like those are the only muffins I see. I'm not gonna point fingers or anything. I dunno if the blame lies with the people taking the decent pastries or the persons allowing those ingredients to infect perfectly good muffins in the first place, but it's a tragic miscarriage of judgment and for the safety of the crew, I think it's important we all address the massive, raisin dotted elephant in the room.

I'm mean, jeez, guys. There are kids on this ship. What if they mistake them for chocolate chips? We're all responsible if we do nothing. Get it together, Moira.

[Another deep breath. He's said his peace. When he speaks again, it's as if a completely different person is grinning into the mic.]

And hey, as long as we're all here, feel free to air your various grievances too. Y'know, to save the Captains their bandwidth. Let it all out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yep. Skeleton, if you wanna get specific. [Sans nods, buffing his bony fingers against the itchy uniforms in question.] You some kinda human?

Some kinda one, yeah. [ He grins, but he's totally thrown off by the whole skeleton thing. Giant robots are one thing, but this is something else entirely new to him. ] Were you a human before? Are you like a zombie?

Pssh, no. Think a human could handle alla this, let alone a dead one?

[But for demonstration, Sans opens his mouth a little, showing off a particularly sharp and non-human incisor. You can put a zebra in a hoodie, but it'll still wear its stripes. Same goes for monsters, apparently.]

I'm a monster.

Don't think we got monsters where I'm from.

[ In case that wasn't made entirely clear by his whole reaction. ]

Is there like... a lotta you?

Monsters? I mean, there're a handful. [He stops a beat, as if he's not quite sure how to quantify the number. There weren't any left at home, no, kid with a knife saw to that.] Here on the Moira, we've got maybe five. Six? Depends on how you qualify it.

Why?

Wonderin'. Never met a monster before, least not a literal one. You don't seem particularly scary, 'cept for maybe your face.

I'm gonna take that as a compliment! [He beams, tapping his fingers against his cheekbone.] Monsters get kinda a bad rap. We're not that bad. We just do magic and it freaks people out, I guess.

How does magic work?

[ This seems like a perfectly reasonable question. ]

[Hoo boy.]

Uh... well. That's a pretty big question. [Scratching at his skull, his grin goes sideways.] We just do it. Wish I had a better answer for ya. It's in our biology.

Okay... what kinda magic is it? Can you breath fire?

[ He starting to get that kid-in-a-candy-store look on his face. ]

[It's a little endearing, despite himself.]

Nah, that's Toriel who breathes fire. Sometimes, if she feels like it. [Sans shrugs, pulling a bone out of midair as if it ain't no thing.] I make these, mostly.

[Mostly.]

Okay, but that is cool. Is there a limit? Does it hurt you? Are they your bones?

[The peppered question charm Sans more than anything, for all he's pretty sure the longform answers to those questions would bore the pants off the guy. Best to stick with snappy, in his humble opinion.]

Sure, there's a limit. We're expending part of ourselves, use too much and we get tired out and have trouble... stickin' together. [To put it mildly.] N' they're my bones in the sense I make 'em, yeah.

Wait. Hold on. Do you eat?

[ Because in his head, he's already comparing making bones to pooping or something. He has to know where the energy comes from! ]

[Oh, sweet summer child. Didn't anyone ever tell you monsters don't poop.]

Yeah, of course. Do you?

When there's food. Or other edibles.

[ It's best not to ask. ]

[Too bad.]

oh yeah, what kind?

audio; a very important statement for the entire crew

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