thisavrou | audio; a very important statement for the entire crew

[Solemn silence reigns for the first few moments of the broadcast. A shuffle of papers, a clearing of his throat -- or technically, a very good impersonation of it. There's no throat to clear. Anyway.]

Okay, so. I know there's been a lot of back and forth lately, kids. And I don't wanna add to the tension, but as long as we're ripping off band aids? I figure there's no time like the present.

[Another deep breath. Clearly, this is weighing heavily on the guy.]

I'm gonna say a few words that'll mean a lot to you guys. Bran. Oatmeal. Raisins. Words that should never even brush against the word muffin. And yet every Saturday, seems like those are the only muffins I see. I'm not gonna point fingers or anything. I dunno if the blame lies with the people taking the decent pastries or the persons allowing those ingredients to infect perfectly good muffins in the first place, but it's a tragic miscarriage of judgment and for the safety of the crew, I think it's important we all address the massive, raisin dotted elephant in the room.

I'm mean, jeez, guys. There are kids on this ship. What if they mistake them for chocolate chips? We're all responsible if we do nothing. Get it together, Moira.

[Another deep breath. He's said his peace. When he speaks again, it's as if a completely different person is grinning into the mic.]

And hey, as long as we're all here, feel free to air your various grievances too. Y'know, to save the Captains their bandwidth. Let it all out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Exactly what it sounds like! It's a tree, that periodically grows kittens. Just, whole kittens. Like fruit.

[There is a VERY long pause as Charlie does her absolute best to wrap her mind around the concept of a tree that grows kittens.

Eventually, she manages a weak:] That's just wrong.

[The science teachers back at school would flip their lids. She is pretty sure that would be their reaction to this.]

Very wrong. You can go check it out too; it's in the garden. Just, whatever you do, do NOT try and take one off of the tree.

[Seriously.]

Pass.

I don't even know this ship's layout yet - if I see this, it'll be by accident only.

[KITTENS DON'T WORK THAT WAY. TREES DON'T WORK THAT WAY.]

Your loss! But you're missing out on a real treat. A real wonder of the multiverse.

You mean something other than the kitten tree, right?

Well there's also a weird rock there that might show you a horrible vision of your future if that's more your jam.