audio; a very important statement for the entire crew

[skelepun]

[Solemn silence reigns for the first few moments of the broadcast. A shuffle of papers, a clearing of his throat -- or technically, a very good impersonation of it. There's no throat to clear. Anyway.]

Okay, so. I know there's been a lot of back and forth lately, kids. And I don't wanna add to the tension, but as long as we're ripping off band aids? I figure there's no time like the present.

[Another deep breath. Clearly, this is weighing heavily on the guy.]

I'm gonna say a few words that'll mean a lot to you guys. Bran. Oatmeal. Raisins. Words that should never even brush against the word muffin. And yet every Saturday, seems like those are the only muffins I see. I'm not gonna point fingers or anything. I dunno if the blame lies with the people taking the decent pastries or the persons allowing those ingredients to infect perfectly good muffins in the first place, but it's a tragic miscarriage of judgment and for the safety of the crew, I think it's important we all address the massive, raisin dotted elephant in the room.

I'm mean, jeez, guys. There are kids on this ship. What if they mistake them for chocolate chips? We're all responsible if we do nothing. Get it together, Moira.

[Another deep breath. He's said his peace. When he speaks again, it's as if a completely different person is grinning into the mic.]

And hey, as long as we're all here, feel free to air your various grievances too. Y'know, to save the Captains their bandwidth. Let it all out.

Comments

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[whatdidisay]

What did groats ever do to you?

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[neveroutwrenched]

theyve been in my mouth

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[whatdidisay]

Okay, but did you even eat them properly?

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[neveroutwrenched]

I don't think there's any such thing, but go ahead. What's the 'proper' way to eat a groat?

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[whatdidisay]

With milk, and then fruit or nuts or spices. Maple sugar works too. Anything but plain.

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[neveroutwrenched]

listen, ive been told what milk is and where it comes from im not eating ANYTHING with it


why wouldn't you just eat the good parts? the fruit and nuts and spices? why ruin perfectly good food

with groats.

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[whatdidisay]

You're a mammal, aren't you? You probably drank some sort milk once.

It's not ruining, it's adding to. Just try it, c'mon.

[neveroutwrenched]

[Ratchet wants to point out what's wrong with that line of reasoning, but hes pretty sure this is a lost cause.]

alright, pal. next the opportunity comes up, ill give your way a try

[He's really not.]

[whatdidisay]

Great, good.

How's the beach suiting you?

[neveroutwrenched]

Would 'still waiting for the other foot to drop' be a wrong answer?

[whatdidisay]

Absolutely not. Me too, but I'm also hellbent on enjoying this vacation.

[neveroutwrenched]

well, as long as the weather's nice and the drinks are on the captains, that shouldn't be too hard to do

[whatdidisay]

I appreciate the unlimited funds. Where'd you think they get the money for it?

[neveroutwrenched]

embezzlement
stealing
dirty deals
selling all those shoes that keep going missing

who know? probably nowhere we want to know about

[whatdidisay]

Nah, the shoes ended up coming through the Ingress a while later. The rest, though.

S'good point regardless.