thisavrou | video; 003;

[ This is a hard post to make. Even as he turns the MID camera on, he's still wondering if he should really do this. It's close to being too late to back out, but not quite there yet. He can still shut the camera back off and pretend like he never even tried to talk to the network.

But he could really use some help. That's something he can't deny. And in a place like this, with people from all sorts of very different places, it's possible that someone might be able to do something for him, even if it's just to give him some tips. Considering the mess that Epsilon left behind in his head has been stressing him out beyond belief and affecting his daily life in a number of awful ways... Wash figures it's worth a shot. Maybe.

There's a long pause at the beginning of the broadcast, Wash just sitting there in frame, eyes darting back and forth from the camera to some place off to the side. He looks unnerved, uncomfortable, and exhausted. There are bags under his eyes that have been there for weeks now, his hair a bit ruffled, and his uniform just a little askew. ]

Hi. Uh. [ Shuffling in his seat. ] I have a question that might be a little...weird. And I thought it might be useful to get responses from various sources.

[ Different people might have different thoughts, and some might even have some advice so... Here goes... ]

Does anyone know a way to forget something? Or several things? Like, if you have some awful memory that you want to stop looking back on or one that's affecting your mental health? Even if there's some way to just suppress it if you can't get rid of it entirely...

I know it's not a healthy option. You're supposed to learn how to deal with them over time and eventually be at peace with it. But maybe sometimes that's not really an option.

[ He has no intention of adding more detail than that, not even any actual context. Talking about this is difficult and personal as it is, he really doesn't have any interest in talking about his bizarre problems in public, over the network. ]

It's probably not possible, and I get that. But I thought that with some of the things that are possible in some universes, it might be useful to check.

[ Hastily: ] --I'm asking for a friend.

[ YEAH, TOTALLY FOR A FRIEND... So maybe he chickened out a bit at the end there, whatever...!! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I didn't mean--

[ Oh god why is he so awkward. It's not necessarily that he's not interested as much as he's completely startled by the offer and basically is a living pile of awkwardness. He's really never had someone flat out saying that they'd be up for fucking if he wanted. Not worded quite that way, at least.

STILL... ]

...What I'm trying to say is thanks? It just, uh, surprised me, is all. But I appreciate it?

[ Though yeah, he'll still probably pass. Getting laid isn't something he's terribly worried about right now. ]

And, I mean, maybe? I'm not really angry, though, so I'm not really sure if shooting and kicking things will do much. Might be worth a try, all the same.

[ Kobra grins, not really sure what to do with the awkwardness. It's not a reaction he's used to back home. Usually, either people are interested or they aren't, but he gets that he's not from the same kind of place as most of these other people and he's doing his best to adapt to that, even if they all tend to come off as sort of rigidly repressed. ]

Emotional release is good. Maybe you just gotta get a good cry on. I won't tell anyone if you do.

[ He's joking, mostly, but he really can't remember the last time he cried. It must've been before the Wars. ]

Look, I'm not great at this shit, but I've seen some things I wouldn't mind un-seeing, too. I get it. Brother was always better at the inspirational shit. Could probably get people to follow him off a cliff with a smile.

[ And Kobra would be first in line. ]

[ For what it's worth, Wash manages a small laugh. It's about half-sheepish and half-genuinely amused, because honestly? Maybe he does need to sit down and cry. Which is embarrassing to think and he probably won't, rather continue to repress everything, but it's actually a decent suggestion. Considering he's been almost in some level of despair about what's going to happen when he goes home. ]

I get that. I wasn't really asking for any uplifting speeches, or anything. Not that I don't appreciate the attempt.

[ Because he does! It's nice that the people here want to lift his spirits, even so many that he hasn't even met before. It's just that it doesn't really help him all that much... ]

But it's... My situation isn't exactly normal. It's not so much a matter of wanting to un-see something that happened, it's a lot more complicated than that. If it was something that actually happened to me, I'd probably just be working on moving past it and trying to live with it.

[ Has he given up trying to talk about "his situation" without actually explaining anything about it? Yes. He's told bits to so many people at this point, it's not like there's much point in continuing to be entirely secretive about it. Will that stop him from being vague about it when he does mention anything? No, of course not. ]

But just living with it because "bad things happen and that's just life" isn't a valid option here. Not really.

Right, well... you're a vague motherfucker and I ain't gonna make you talk about shit you don't wanna talk about, but you don't really got a whole lotta options.

[ Kobra's not great as talking in abstracts, because so few of them exist in his life and when they do, he usually follows his brother's lead. Everything he's used to is about action or reaction and it seems like most of the people here would rather talk about things than actually do anything about it. It's kind of frustrating to have to adjust so much for other people. ]

Far as I can tell, you can either run from shit or you can face it. Personally, I don't run from shit.

[ There's truth in that. First in that he is being vague as hell because talking about the whole thing is hard. Second in that he hasn't got a lot of options. He really doesn't, and it's seeming like he has fewer and fewer as time passes. ]

That's why I did this broadcast in the first place--looking for other options. But yeah, you're kind of right.

[ Wash could easily sound annoyed, but instead he just sounds tired. Maybe a little defeated. The idea of actually facing this mess scares him, though. Honest to god scares him. He's already being messed up an tormented by these memories that aren't his while he's trying to run from them. Stopping to face them head on? That sounds like it can only end badly. ]

There's going to be some shit eventually that kills you when you stop to face it, though. That's what I'm worried about, that I won't make it out if I face it. [ A pause. ] ...Which is still vague. Sorry. I just don't know if I'm ready to face that.

[ Kobra just shrugs. He figures he's got his own shit he doesn't want to face, at least not out loud. ]

Not sure there's another option, but if there is, maybe you can share it with the rest of us. Pretty sure you're not the only one who'd want it.

[ Then he smiles a little. ]

Good luck, man.

Probably not. I'll be sure to share it if I find one.

[ He offers a smile in return, though it's a little forced. The attempt at help, at advice, it's all appreciated, honestly. It's just that he's coming out of it feeling about as hopeless as he had going in. ]

Thanks. --I do mean that, even if it...kind of sounds like I don't.

Ain't gonna take it too personal. We all got our shit, right?

[ And they all have to try to be okay or at least pretend. ]

Yeah, we do.

[ Try to be okay, pretend to be okay... He's gotten pretty good at the latter at this point, at least.

Offering a nod, both of agreement and gratitude, Wash ends the feed. ]