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[After Miller has gotten back from the station, helping Liquid (much to David's irritation) and assisting in a Bucky rescue. He had immediately had taken a shower and made sure his glasses were perfectly intact. But then? He made it to his room.]

[And this is the most exhausted sounding audio post he can probably make.]

Could someone bring me some new blankets and sheets for my bed on Nomo deck? It's #007. Apparently in my short time at the station, my husky saw fit to fill my bed with her small dogs. [And then to assure the few parties he knows will be concerned.] She's fine. They're fine. [It's just a mess.]

Apologies to my roommates. I'll have it cleaned up quickly. [He's been very on top of cleaning up after her. He's fussy enough to do this. But at the moment? After the prison? A little overwhelmed at the moment.]

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[as kaz regales him with the information about rinzler, john simply listens until he's finished, petting mama's neck thoughtfully. big boss knew about rinzler as much as he knew about anyone on the moira; through their network posts and from a distance. he liked to keep himself up to date on what was going on around the ship and had payed intent attention to the murders that had happened.

as far as he was concerned, rinzler had been innocent. whether or not he killed the first man in defense or not, no one would ever know, but what happened afterward was clear as day. it was why he had stayed out of the jury decision. it wasn't for him to decide what happened to robot(?).

but john couldn't deny there wasn't a violent edge to the machine. something a little more uncontrolled than the mercs and soldiers he had come across in his time. it made him wary about sticking his neck out for someone he barely know. then again, rinzler had proved the ability to look out for people in helping kaz from getting his limbs chewed off. never mind that miller vouched for his abilities.

and if there's one thing john hated to do, it was waste potential.]

If you think he can be taught, then I'll help. [he pats mama one last time, noting his petting had caused her to close her eyes.] But you need to be unbiased about this. I know he saved you, but don't waste our time with someone completely unhinged just because you feel you need to repay a debt.

I am. Trust me. The captains don't seem eager to dismiss anyone, no matter how disruptive they are. Otherwise I would advocate some sort of exile. It would be the best decision for everyone, considering the potential for a long-standing vendetta.

But he's stuck. And if my emotions are interfering then it's in that I'd rather not give them the excuse.

[It's also a good reason to ask Big Boss himself. He would consider asking David, but considering David has his brother to worry about, and... Not that he doubts him but David's not the teacher type.]

[He picks up the small puppy that John was holding, who seems to have gone limp with drowsiness and cares even less about being handled now.] First day he was here, we were in the gardens. Scared the hell out of me at first. Ended up trying to explain what the function of cats were.

He uses these lazers to scan his immediate environment, what's close to him. Ended up with them tracing all along the ground with this swarm of fur chasing them. [Then he puts the one he was holding down.] That one's a little girl.

They don't care how we treat each other. [the crew were just cogs in the machine. the only thing that captains seemed to care about was that the cogs kept working. the moment they didn't was the only time they seemed to shift their gaze from the horizon to the crew.

john couldn't really judge. he understood the philosophy. when you had a greater goal to accomplish, sometimes it was easier to just look at your people as a mass and not just singular people. when you lost them, regularly, it was easier to cope. but that was neither nor there.] Anyway, if you're going to vouch for him, then you have my help. [but if this failed, if this rinzler guy was just too far gone to learn, then the blame was solely on kaz's shoulders. just like it was when big boss brought a questionable soldier into the fold, based solely on their abilities.

john raised a brow at the divination of the gender of the puppy.] Oh. I wasn't even really looking. She's got a good color to her. [just the slightest amount of silver in her fur, almost completely white.]

[One of John's greater developing problems, he feared. While you couldn't mourn every man like a close friend, he has some slim idea of what's going to progress with him later down the road. Up to the time he dies. Not a full one. David had avoided important details; left Kaz with just enough to keep him alive. To keep him wary of certain events.]

[His way of dealing with it? Apparently to remind himself they were people. What sort of teacher would he be in the future if he didn't? The conditions may be different for him. But his intentions are set. As far as he's concerned, the blame for Rinzler is already partially on his shoulders. Just for that investment.]

Thanks Boss. [He says it on reflex. Doesn't have much time to rethink it.] Ishmael. [The word requires effort and an eyeroll, just because he has to get used to saying that one now.]

You know, you don't have to be helping with them to just see them if you want. She likes you, and might as well enjoy your own down time. Better than leaving bugged fubbies around the ship. Furbies? Whatever those were.

You're welcome. [and he gives kaz the most smug look ever, like he just thought of the greatest joke ever.] Benedict. [seriously, a name almost worst than 'ishmael'. he never quite understood why kaz would choose that as his cover name, considering the implications behind it. after all, one of the most famous benedicts in history was arnold, a traitor in the revolutionary war.

maybe he had just been predicting his own disgust with big boss' plans.

john gives another one of the puppies a pet or two, enjoying the feel of their soft, newborn fur against his fingers.]

Those are for work. [because spying on their own crew mates was conducive to squirreling out inside threats, right? right. but anyway, john considers kaz's word, makes somewhat of a confused face.] Is that...okay? [mostly what he's asking is if it would be weird for him to just show up at miller's door with no other reason than to see the dogs. and, okay, they had sex with each other (once) and seemed to be friends (again, maybe), so surely coming by to see the puppies should be the least awkward thing for john to do with kaz.

he wasn't very good at this normalcy thing.]

Edited 2016-04-26 20:53 (UTC)

[He snorts at that name.] I haven't been called that since college. [Not so much a cover name as it was an old man's efforts to make his son acceptable to a nation, one already paranoid after years of war. But it's apt, considering.]

[Since he's been speaking with John again, he's made no effort to gain information on Outer Heaven. Not asked about his plans. Not done more than wax poetic on the old days and bring up some ship business. When he spoke to him in the training room, threw his punches, he'd said there wasn't much time left for him. Multiple meanings behind that statement, none he cared to explain for a while.]

My first name is McDonell. McDonell Benedict Miller. The name my father gave me. [He offers almost as a humiliating consolation prize.] Made the paperwork go faster. I want you to imagine a Japanese kid just learning English trying to say that.

[He's smiling, though, even as he shares the story. Just that edge of a slight smile, because the bright beaming ones are still rare.] I think she'd like the company. [He'd like it, too. But that's beside the point.]

[it's a little odd, the way miller seems to be purposefully avoiding the topic of outer heaven. then again, john isn't bursting at the seams with small talk, whether it's about his budding nation or not. just because he's not talking about it, though, doesn't mean he's not thinking about it.

john shares in miller's quirk of lips, amused by the thought of him trying to learn how to say his own name. he can understand the struggle a little, considering how many names he's gone by in his lifetime. though none of them were in a foreign tongue.]

But I'm guessing you prefer Kazuhira, or would've told me otherwise. [john had never thought to dig deeper into miller's past when the man had given his name. 'kazuhira' and 'miller' were disjointed enough to tell big boss all he really needed to know about the man. either way, it had been enough to sate his curiosity.] I had a few names before I ever earned my 'Snake' codename. Some of them I only preferred certain people to say. [the army had called him by his last name. jack had only been used by the boss and the members of operation snake eater. john was perhaps his most hard-won name by his allies, seeing as only two people had ever called him it.

only one of which was still alive.

he had never told it to kaz, namely because it carried so much weight from the past with it. snake had, too, but snake felt more like who he was at the time. something he had earned by himself and not because he had killed anyone. those years in msf had been him trying to move on, only to realize that, while he had physically left that flower field, his mind's eye was still stuck there.]

I know Ahab is your Boss now, so you don't have to call me that anymore. [he finally says, after a long while of thought. john wants kaz to come back to him eventually, stand with him in outer heaven. but he's not going to force him. he has confidence miller will see where he belongs.] And Ishmael is just for the crew. I guess... Just call me John.

Edited 2016-04-27 01:55 (UTC)

Yeah. Helps me remember where I came from. The other name... just some lonely old man, grasping at straws he'd already thrown away. [Sounds familiar once it's out of his mouth. He doesn't want to think of it that much, though. Not after what Snake says next. John says next.]

[Over a decade of knowing him, of obsessing over his eventual return, of hating him, of coming to terms with him. Even after one bout of finally experiencing the fantasy his younger self always had, of realizing that he still has love for this man (even if he's also occasionally overwhelmed by bursts of contempt, but when has Kazuhira ever been short on feelings?)]

[John's mind isn't the only one occasionally caught up in the past, of being held there. But in that moment Kaz is given one new thing. It's just a name, yeah. But for all that time, Snake's been a legend, the man that conquered him, the man that commanded him, the man that saw his efforts as a necessary expense. This one new thing, this name, lets him just be a man in Miller's mind. And after years of hell, crawling through it, dragging everyone else through it with him, it's-]

[Actually it's just nice. It's not mind blowing. Earth shattering. It's just a nice normal name for an occasionally inept guy that's in here to see new pups not even a full day into their life.]

John. [He repeats it, finally trying it on for size.] Yeah. I'll keep it just for you.

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