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[CLOSE UP on Sideswipe's dumb face. He's got his head propped up on his hands, lying on the floor of the observation deck, feet kicking in the air. Honestly, he just looks bored.]

Soooo...

What is there to do on this stupid ship? I mean, you guys don't even have the movie channels! Or like, video games, except on these comm things.

[He holds up a hand, shifting to rest on his other elbow. The hand is... moving like he's making it talk.]

But Sideswipe, there's a whole planet you could go hang out on! It's super cool with giant flying monsters!

Oh, yeah, I know. It's awesome. But, apparently, you make one lame choice and you're "grounded".

[Why yes there are air quotes.]

So what's a bot to do around here?

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Oh. Never heard of it. You should really mention that first thing.

[Geez, humans and their expecting him to know human things.]

Psh, safety is for people who don't fight Decepticons.

I kind of assumed you'd know. You mentioned Earth at the beginning of our conversation...

[ So it makes sense to figure he'd know what Russian means, right? ...Well, apparently not so right. ]

Good to know there are people on board so willing to throw caution to the window. Feels safe. Just don't think it'll be cool to kick open any of the ship's windows to experience the vacuum, okay?

[ Maybe he's being a little harsh and sassy here, but reckless people aren't always the safest to have around. Especially when they're giant robots on a ship in the middle of space. ]

Well, yeah, we're there! But it's not like I'm studying the place or anything! We're just keeping you guys from getting turned into a Con resort planet.

[He huffs, finally taking what looks like real offense.]

Hey! Maybe I don't know Rushing, or whatever it is, but I know not to hurt you guys!

Just 'cause I like a little adventure doesn't mean I'm gonna let one of you get offlined.

Okay, okay! Sorry, bad assumption on my part.

[ Wash holds his one free hand up in apology and surrender. ]

That's good to hear, at least. Sorry, maybe that was a little harsh. ...Actually, it was definitely a little harsh. I didn't mean it like that, I just don't want anyone to get hurt in your adventuring.

The fact that one of your friends lost an arm just made me maybe a little more worried than I should have been about the whole thing.

Yeah, sure you didn't. Just like all these old timers don't really mean the scrap they're slinging, either.

It's like, all of you don't wanna listen to me or trust me or anything, just because I didn't see the war or something!

I like humans, okay? You guys are fine with me! Riptide's a soldier and stuff, he can take a few hits! I'm a bot, though, same as him! Same as Bee! No one's got to worry about me stepping on any of you.

So shift down a few gears will you?

Well, first of all, I had no idea whether you'd seen any war, so that had nothing to do with any judgement that may or may not have happened.

[ It definitely happened. But he didn't mean to offend the robot this much. --He feels kind of bad now. ]

Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you all up in arms like this. But giant robots? They're a new thing for me, so I'm not entirely sure how to deal with these kinds of things yet. [ He does mean what he says, and for what it's worth sounds genuinely apologetic. ] I believe you when you say you like humans and that you won't do anything to hurt us. I think I overreacted a little because I'm not used to the robot thing, that's all.

Dude, any time someone says 'may or may not', that means it totally happened. Enough of you old timers have said that by now.

[He's still huffy. Wounded pride and all. It's a fragile thing.]

[He may already be trying to figure out how to prove himself here.]

Well, geez. Try not to do it again. I'm not gonna hurt any of you, Riptide wouldn't. Uh. Tailgate either, probably. But Megatron. He's the worst.

...Fair enough.

[ He can't even argue that. Robot's got him there. ]

I'll try. Promise. I kind of broke my rule about keeping an open mind about anybody different that shows up on the ship. [ But to be fair, he didn't expect giant robots, so. ] ...The worst how? Like, he might be okay hurting people worst? Or he's just kind of a jerk worst?

Gee, you think?

Like, he killed half the bots on our planet, started a million years war, hates everyone who isn't him or another Decepticon, aaaaaaaaand likes to threaten people for fun kind of the worst.

[ ... ]

And here I was worried about you.

[ Wash is now trying not to freak out. Very subtly. It's not clear at all in the wide eyes or struggling to come up with words. ]

I get what you mean by the worst now. That, uhm. That definitely sounds like the very definition of the word.

Yeah, see, here's where those assumption things get you.

Surprise. The bot asking for entertainment isn't the problem!

Edited 2016-03-25 06:06 (UTC)

[ Geez, he really took that whole part of the conversation to heart, didn't he? ]

Oh my god, okay, I swear I'll never judge a robot book by its cover ever again, okay?

Okay, great. Cool.

... that's better, I guess.

Okay.

[ ...Now things feel awkward. Should he just end the feed, or should he keep talking? Maybe he could at least introduce himself... ]

Uhm. I'm Wash, by the way. And you said you're...Sideswipe, right?

Yeeeeup. The one and only. Fastest bot on four wheels.

Well, nice to meet you, even if I was...kind of an ass at first.

[ ...Wait a sec. Hold up. Did he say-- ]

--Hang on, "on four wheels"? You don't have hands?

... Dude.

[And, very slowly, Sideswipe holds his hands up. His whole... everything... just screaming the words "Duh, I have hands".]

Were you not even looking at the video or... what?

[ He thought he remembered seeing hands... ]

...But then... Wheels? You've lost me.

[ And the way the robot is looking at him is making him feel like an idiot. ]

What--?

Oh! Psh, you didn't know? I thought the old gearheads had been on this ship for a while.

We transform! And my alt-mode's a car. A really, really awesome sportscar.

I think they have, but I've never actually run into any of them.

[ Plus there was that whole thing where he just recently spent three weeks in cryosleep... ]

Oh. Oh. I get it now. That's...interesting. Is that really useful? Transforming into a vehicle, I mean?

[ Not trying to step on any toes (or tires), he just...can't find much use for it. Would't it be simpler if they were more human sized robots? Then they could just, you know, use a car.

...Though he supposes it's not like they get a choice in what they are. Maybe he's being really speciesist here--not his intention!! It's just. All super new to him, is all. ]

Well, good. You're better off that way. Grape Drift is just annoying, but Megatron is here...

... Riptide's pretty great though. And Tailgate. They're fine.

[Riptide turns into a boat, though, and that's not exactly awesome racecar, but it still doesn't dampen his admiration of the bigger bot.]

Uh, yeah. It gets us places faster? We can race? I mean, seriously, dude, what isn't useful about it?

[Because to him, it's like another form of movement -- like running versus walking. It's so much a part of life he doesn't really understand why it would even be questioned.]

Noted. I'll...watch out for the first two and try to avoid them.

[ Hearing them all listed out like that, he can't help but notice a pattern in their names. He should have been able to figure out about their transforming sooner. ]

I, uh. Yeah, I guess. [ Backing off that question because the direction it leads him is...too long and complicated. He'll just accept the fact that this robot happens to transform into a car. ] Don't know what I was thinking, asking that. It sounds pretty cool, too.

[ Once you've come to accept the fact that they're giant robots that transform into vehicles, that is. ]

Yeah, especially Megatron. Grape Drift is just annoying and old but Megatron?

Yeah, basically murdered our planet.

[SHRUG. It was a long time ago, okay. Way before he was ever 'born'. Or whatever.]

Of course it's cool! It's a sportscar!

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