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[Niko has had a little bit of a confusing week. He didn't expect to be asked along on a diplomatic mission; usually not anything he's good at (in his mind). But he came along, figuring he was there as bodyguard more than anything else.]

[But now he's returned, and he wants to check in.]

Hey, ah.... So I just got back. I had to go with Thán for a mission and now he has a new boyfriend for peace purposes I guess. I am not really sure what happened there. Sort of like an arranged marriage? [He's actually kind of suspicious of this whole-matchmaking thing now. He's always disliked match-making on some level, but there is something deeply unsettling about it here. Just how mandatory and committing it seems.]

[He doesn't hate the match he was given, not at all. But he knows there might be people they're even better suited to.]

Look, I am a little nervous about this big business here. Capitalism is shit, government is shit, and is bad enough when taking advantage of lonely people. But I think we are going to have to be sure to be good to the new guy because we saw what happened the last time we fucked up diplomacy.

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And you wish to foist the responsibility onto who. We have no background checks. What, you are going to decide someone is perfect from good of heart?

[That's almost English?!! Moving on.]

Then what are you responsible for, Miles? How many people died because you stuck your nose into room where you weren't supposed to be. How many times do you throw yourself under a bus as if you do not trust the people around you to do what is necessary to.

You cannot handle the responsibility of a ship like this, but you think you can. And you probably do not have very good ideas on who would be. All bias to people you like. Maybe the captains cannot do a great job, either, but at least they're familiar with what ship we are on and what it can do.

[ there is so much wrong with that entire spiel to miles that he doesn't even know where to start. he actually sputters for a moment before he gets going, looking furious. ]

This is -- that's different! What the hell is your alternative, Niko, complete anarchy? Goddammit, that doesn't work! Sometimes casualties happen -- and when you're in command you take responsibility for them. The captains wouldn't even admit responsibility for my death. You think I couldn't command a ship like this? I command a whole frigging fleet!

[ somewhere in that furious rapid-speech rant, miles' accent wavers and slip-slides into something totally different -- something that to niko's ears would sound way more american than russian. ]

Edited 2016-01-20 18:44 (UTC)

No I don't! This is not your ship! I don't think you could be in charge of a ship whose crew is taken and forced into labor, by a broken machine on board. I do not think you could keep the peace. And even now, you are not taking responsibility for how you fucked up! You don't give a shit whether your equals want you to do things or not.

Or do you not get that either?

We're equals. This moving forward fast shit- fuck that. Fuck deciding that you can make choices for all of us. The children. Me. You. We are in this together and you are not so above it as you think you are.

[ miles doesn't seem to notice his own accent has shifted from barrayaran to betan, riled up as he is, looking about as angry as niko has ever seen him. lieutenant vorkosigan has taken a backseat to admiral naismith in full force, and he's all but snarling at niko. ]

How I -- you mean when I broke into the morgue and got myself trapped for three days? I came out the worst for that than anyone else, and I didn't do it for myself. I did it because I'm tired of the captains and their cagey bullshit and keeping us all in the dark. You think I couldn't run a ship like this? You're dead wrong, Niko. This wouldn't even rank over some of the things I've done. Don't you tell me what I'm capable of, because you don't know.

[ but he falters when niko brings up equality, brings up miles' obviously inflated sense of self-importance and superiority. he still looks angry, though, breathing hard. ]

This isn't about -- god dammit, Niko, I didn't --

Edited 2016-01-20 19:23 (UTC)

You made decisions without us! The thing that attacked people- it was from that room. You turned it loose. And now just as the captains tried to say it was for our own good we stayed too long on that planet, though they ask help from no one so that we could leave quick. Remember that? Yeah? Now you say you are big sad victim for "helping" us with shit no one asked you to do. That we should appreciate this stupid decision.

You don't even know what you are capable of, nor do you care. All that matters is if you make progress, but you don't even know what that progress is meant to be or how it will help. It's not okay when people who do not volunteer to help with you get hurt by the things you do. We are not your soldiers.

[Why the hell is Miles' accent changing? Fuck it. He can't talk to crazy people. He's becoming possessed by some crazy American general.] You mean everything you say, Miles. You mean this and now I know you mean what you said to me before, if this is how you are when you are when you are not watching what you say. I do not want to put up with anyone being an asshole to me anymore today, and that is what you are being.

I did not turn that thing loose, Niko, the only thing in that room was a corpse and it sure as shit wasn't what was going around hurting people. It was Curre who let us out and closed the door behind us, so if you want to blame someone, you blame the captains, and I --

[ he falters there, looking a little nauseated -- fuck, is he actually going betan on niko right now? did he actually just talk about the fleet, about naismith? oh, god. and that accusation -- i know you mean what you said before -- it hits him like a kick in the stomach. because he hadn't, he really hadn't -- that had been the exuo talking, not miles, he wouldn't have ever, and --

but niko is hitting too many points, though most of them won't even really register until later. the anger drains completely away from miles' face along with the color, leaving him looking suddenly pale and like he might be sick and also like he might be panicking internally because he super is. his accent abruptly slides back to barrayaran, though his mouth hangs open a moment before he actually manages to say anything. ]

No, Niko, I -- I didn't mean it, what I said back then. I don't think of you like that, I never have. I -- [ miles' chest feels tight, suddenly it's hard to breathe. the video feed jitters slightly as he realizes his hands are shaking. oh, god. did he really just -- ] Shit. I'm sorry, Niko, I didn't -- I don't...

[At the moment this sorry is too little, too late. He's hurt. And as far as Niko's concerned, Miles needs to deal with himself.]

I beat myself up enough. I do not need your help to feel shitty. So unless it is important or job or emergency, it is best if we do not talk for a little while.

[He's not ready to forgive. He's not close enough to Miles to handle this.]

[ miles feels cold all over. he looks shellshocked and sick, mouth open, and he almost thinks of trying to ask niko not to repeat any of this to anyone, to keep what miles just did between them, but he can't bring himself to. god dammit. god dammit. no one to blame when you go around kicking down your own sandcastle.

instead what niko gets is a faltering nod of acknowledgment before miles hangs up. ]