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[peridork]

Greetings... fellow crew members.

[It looks like it pained her a just a tiny little bit to say that last part, if the shadow of a grimace that passes over her face is any indication.]

It occurs to me that many of you may not yet know me. Allow me to introduce myself: Peridot, cryo repair technician and senior crew member aboard this ship.

[She's been here for over 3 months now, which, by her measure? Means she's significantly more senior here than all you NOOBS.]

I'm creating this message because I have an offer to extend to all of you less technologically savvy cl-- People. Like everyone else on the Moira, I have my assigned duties, which I do, as requested, with regular efficiency. But unlike most of you, I'd rather not dribble away valuable so-called "free time" doing "recreation" [literal air quotes] and other such nonsense.

[She pauses. Sighs dramatically.] Unfortunately, I'm finding myself with an excess of "free time", because unlike you organic lifeforms, I do not require food or "sleep", and the duties assigned to me by the Captains only keep me occupied for so many hours of the day.

This is where my offer comes in: If you have any mechanical equipment that needs maintenance, or if you need some kind of device engineered and constructed, you are welcome to contact my personal channel and request my assistance. I think you will find my skills to be more than satisfactory.

[She looks like she's about to sign off, but then has a second thought.]

Oh... And before you clods start bombarding me with the same idiotic questions over and over, allow me to address the more common ones for you: No, I am not a "mutant" human. I am a gem. If you really want to know what gems are, I can forward you a helpful primer on the subject so that I don't have to waste my breath explaining it for the thousandth time since I was dragged aboard this ship. Yes, you heard correctly when I said that gems are not organic lifeforms. And lastly, no, I am NOT a "robot".

[Satisfied that that should keep at least some of the imbeciles at bay, she nods curtly.]

Thank you for your consideration. Peridot, signing off.

Comments

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[forwardmomentum]

[ hello, peridot, you're being unusually tactful today. miles is surprised, really. is she really just handing out favors? he wouldn't have expected that from someone as aloof as peridot can be, but then again, maybe she really is that bored. miles grins brillianty. ]

How are you with paperwork?

[peridork]

[Oh god it's this guy again. Peridot frowns, brow furrowing. Annoyed, but curious in spite of that.] What's paperwork?

[forwardmomentum]

You know. Forms, reports, the occasional bar graph. What, you don't have bureacracy on your planet? A shame, you seem like you'd have a real knack for it.

[ what he means is peridot is the most anal-retentive fussbucket he's met around here, which is perfectly conveyed by his total shit-eating grin. ]

[peridork]

[She scowls.] I'm an engineer and technician. I fix equipment, I build, I program. So unless you have a task that involves one of those things, no, I won't do it.

[forwardmomentum]

[ worth a shot. miles doesn't even miss a beat. ]

Do weapons fall under the equipment category?

[peridork]

Possibly... Why, what do you have?

[She can't really shake the skepticism now, since he was messing with her a second ago.]

[forwardmomentum]

[ he's being serious now, with the intent look of a man who wants to do business. the whiplash is only partly deliberate. half of what he fronts is bullshit, you just never know which half. ]

It's what I don't have. How are you with energy weapons?

[peridork]

I'm familiar enough with them. [Actually, she's better than familiar, but she's deliberately going to keep that vague for now. Act all aloof.] What did you have in mind?

[forwardmomentum]

I lost my plasma arc when I -- when Caducus Primary collapsed in on itself. I could use another one, if you're up to the task.

[peridork]

Do you have any blueprints or schematics I can use? Or just a rough, general description.

[forwardmomentum]

No specs, sadly. I'm an officer, not a tech. I could draw you up a rough sketch, but I'm not much of an artist, either. But it's a standard plasma weapon with a rechargeable power pack -- handheld, but about the size of a small rifle. Range of about ten feet, variable power setting. Is that something you can work with?

[peridork]

[A devious grin.] Please. That's more than enough. [Actually what he's describing doesn't sound terribly dissimilar from her hand cannon, to be frank.]

I could build you something better than that though, you know, if you wanted me to. Something that can do a better range than a meager ten feet, and with a lot more stopping power.

[forwardmomentum]

More stopping power than a plasma arc? How do you get more stopping power out of something that burns through just about everything?

[peridork]

I could explain the science to you, but I don't want to overwhelm or bore you. Suffice to say that if you wish, I can certainly make some adjustments of my own that will make the weapon even more impressive.

[forwardmomentum]

[ miles can't quite contain a roll of his eyes and a snort at that sanctimonious attitude. ]

Yeah, alright. You let me know when you've got a prototype.

[peridork]

Affirmative. I will contact within the next few days.