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hey, fellow prisoners! or should i say guests? having some trouble with the technical definitions lately.

i need some help. personal reasons. it's more of a crafts project, and i don't have anything to trade any of you - all the good shit i had are currently confiscated, sorry about that. anyway, here's the list of things i'm looking for:

- 1 box condoms
- 1 roll copper wire
- 2 metal files (1 long, 1 short)
- 1 roll electrical tape
- 1 liter acrylic paint, any color
- 1 car battery
- 1 telepath
- 1 roll fairy lights

if anyone can point me in the right direction, or if anyone's willing to help pull this together, i'll owe you something. we can negotiate.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

they're not for me, they're for someone else.

[ it's for the half-metal bear that left him on the roof, actually. ]

can you help with the other items on the list?

Have you tried checking the cargo shipments?

There's really not all that much around as it is. It's not like anyone could smuggle anything in.

[ he'd have done it if he could. ]

i was planning to, but i figured it'd be quicker if i just asked
people like to help, apparently
which is pretty weird, considering the shit we're in right now

and i really don't want to move around for the rest of the week, i hurt all over

I do have to ask.

If the condoms aren't for you, who are they for?

[ seriously...

who would be in the mood for anything here? ~~even Ocelot was waiting until they were out of here to resolve some 20 years of sexual tension.~~ ]

a couple guys i know
they're annoying but they're okay
it's my thank you gift for getting beat up

[ in his chaotic mind, this is an appropriate way to say thank you. as opposed to actually saying the words. ]

You don't need condoms to sleep with someone you know.

[ unless it's a random hookup but even then...]

This really isn't the place for it, anyways. Why'd they beat you up?

i am well aware that condoms are optional
stds and teen pregnancy aren't as selective

and anyway i asked to get beat up
in hindsight not the best idea
i got my ass handed to me three times in a row
i'm gonna kick his ass next time

[ a cat can dream of defeating a bear, right? ]

If you know the person, why bother? And two men don't have any pregnancy risk.

[ look the Soviet Union in the 80's was a different time.

but wait... ]

Sounds familiar.

Who was this friend?

[ this cat has tried many times to fight bears, and always ended up flat on his ass. maybe one day... ]

stds are more life-threatening i though

[ tetora is a product of science and he while might not be properly educated, he's still well aware of what to do before sticking his dick in ANYTHING. literally anything, considering what the rest of his clone-brothers get up to. ]

he goes by ahab or something
i call him stranger danger
he offered me food and was really suspicious about it

Not if you do a background check on someone first.

[ not that he'd know anything about that... ]

Ahab's one of my closest friends. I actually live with his brother, Ishmael.

Didn't think he'd be into that while we're trapped in here of all places.

[ nah. this has Miller's name all over it. ]

and if they're not tested? can't have a background if you're not subjected to a check in the first place, right?

[ he may or may not be speaking from personal experience here. ]

is that guy the one without the horn?

i think i've met him.

[ he's met both, surprisingly, even if he doesn't know they're two different guys. clone fun! ]

Oh, there are ways.

[ says the Soviet spy. ]

Yeah. He's a decent guy. A little clueless at times, but a decent guy.

[ please, Ishmael and Ahab aren't clones. Ahab is just a guy who had his face surgically altered and fake memories implanted to play the role of a body double because one creepy father-figure couldn't let the other guy go.

fun times. ]

yeah? like what?

[ color him curious. he wants to know what to avoid for next time. ]

they're both assholes.

[ if he had to say it out loud too he'll say it with total conviction. ]

ahab's especially annoying, i can't believe anyone likes that guy.

That's classified intel, kid.

[ a man has to have his secrets. though at his next message, he can't help but laugh. ]

You try to fight either one of them?

[ think of it as though he's speaking from firsthand experience... ]

[ mr. wild spotted cat would be correct in his assumptions, and tetora is more than a little miffed at being guessed correctly - then again, he hasn't been exactly ~mysterious~ about his current comings and goings as of late. ]

boo >8(

and yeah i got fucking suplexed like twice

my back hurts

That's to be expected. He's a master of CQC. His brother, Ishmael, is even more impressive.

[ but don't get him started on Ishmael unless you want a 10000 word dissertation on how amazing he is. ]

[ are all of the moby dick boyfriends so...... sappy. this is so gross. ]

i keep hearing about cqc but no one tells me what exactly the hell that is.

how good is he?

[ look, he isn't John's 'boyfriend'. ]

It's a form of close-quarters combat, as you can see by the name. It's taken from a few different forms, but I always thought that judo seemed like the biggest influence.

And when it comes to any type of combat, Ishmael is the best. That's really all there is to it.

[ mm hmm totally not, nope. ]

so it's a lot of grappling and weight physics. huh.

you realize that saying someone's the best at what they do doesn't actually help describe how good they are, right? ahab's probably better, though.

[ no, they're just best friends who live together and have a dog they call their daughter. and besides, they're both way too old to be "boys". ]

Ahab is not better. He could tell you as much himself. No one alive right now is better than Ishmael.

[ this. is. war. ]

[ "manfriends" unfortunately doesn't have the same ring to it, oops. ]

he hasn't told me that, so i'll believe it when i see your guy beat him. i still think ahab's better.

[ bring it on, he'll fight you. ]

[ "boyfriend" is not a word that forty and fiftysomething men should ever use to describe their relationship. ]

Ask Ahab who's better and he'll say the same thing.

[ you are on kid he has no problems handing teenagers their asses. ]

Barring that, once we get out of here and things come down, maybe we can put it to the test.

ahab's a polite asshole he's gonna say that about people he knows because he's shit

but hey, if you wanna go, i'll fight you right now

[ BRING IT ON, GRANDPA. ]