audio; slightly backdated to an ungodly hour of the morning

[shashka]

Good morning.

[ the voice on the other end seems to have a vague Russian accent. ]

Since it seems to be a common theme lately, I have a question for everyone: What is the absolute strangest thing you've ever seen or experienced, either where you come from, or from here?

[ a pause ]

In the interest of good faith, I've got a story to share with you about mine. My first Commanding Officer had the unique ability to shoot electricity out of his hands. He was a real piece of work, [ no that was probably sharing too much ] but that's neither here or there. Anyways... he could shoot electricity out of his hands. Which you might or might not find out of the ordinary, but it wasn't quite the weirdest shit I've ever run up against.

[ but back to the story ] Anyways, he ended up getting killed by an enemy agent, much to the dismay of almost no one. But, even if his brain was gone, somehow his body was kept alive, almost out of sheer spite.

And twenty years later, he woke up. But he was on fire. And that fire... [ a pause as he looks for the right word ] zombie [ that was not the right word ] chased me and this other guy on a flaming unicorn.

And that was the strangest thing I've ever experienced.

[ but instead of it shutting off, his tone changes ever so slightly, as he seems to be talking to a person on the other end. ]

-So as you can see, I'm perfectly...

[ no. now it's shut off. ]

Comments

[sketchycharacter]

Yes.

[shashka]

[ . . . he's drank too much for this.

(no wait he hasn't because that was the point he was trying to prove) ]

The mathematician's answer. Classic.

[sketchycharacter]

Someone put released a chemical agent into the water system, but that was a long, long time ago. When I drank some, I just needed some hydration after a few days of wandering in the desert.

[shashka]

[ so he's trying to follow along but... he's had a lot to drink tonight, ok? ]

Which country was it in?

[ and then... ]

So, are you an archaeologist?

[ though most archaeological expeditions would normally be better funded than that, wouldn't they? ]

[sketchycharacter]

Something like that.

[He tracks down relics of the past, sure. And he subscribes to a few archeology-related magazines. It's close enough.]

And it was in Yemen. Hundreds of miles into the Rub'al Khali desert. I don't recommendit as a vacation destination.

[shashka]

I can relate. Believe it or not, I was in Afghanistan before arriving here.

[ or rather: he was supposed to be in Afghanistan. in reality, he was hanging out on a base in the Seychelles, but no one needs to know that. ]

I don't really recommend it as a vacation destination either.

[sketchycharacter]

[Yeah, he believes it. People came here from all over Earth—a bunch of Earths. Reaching into different countries must be easy compared to reaching into different realities.]

Maybe the Ingress figured we needed better vacations and that's why we're here now.

[Ha. Ha.]

[shashka]

I don't know. There was really something about almost dying of dehydration in the desert.

[ ha. ha. ha. ]

It's probably why I'm living on Chioni.

[ ...and not because he was keeping an eye on his best friend. ]

[sketchycharacter]

I spent almost three days in the desert without water and I still know Chioni's shitty. That's not a good way to overcompensate.

[shashka]

Well, it wasn't my first choice.

[ he laughs ]

But a friend offered and I wasn't about to say "no" to him.

[ or rather Ocelot had suggested. and then they'd danced around the topic until John had finally offered. ]

[sketchycharacter]

Is your friend a penguin?

[It's a rhetorical question, but hell, it could work as a real one, too. He's seen weirder shit in space.]

[shashka]

[ oh, he laughs at that. ]

No. He just... really likes the food Chioni has to offer.

[ and yes, he knows the only thing it has to offer is the weird-ass animals.

that's the point. ha. ha. ha. ]

[sketchycharacter]

Yeaaaaah. He must have unique tastes.

[shashka]

Once, he ate a poison dart frog.

[ he's... a special guy. ]

[sketchycharacter]

Yummy.