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Let's talk hypotheticals. You're crossing a suspension bridge. You have to reach the other side at any cost. The bridge is wide enough only for one person to pass at a time. A man approaches from the other side with a gun. How do you cross?

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Sometimes, no matter how important a person is to you, they don't outweigh what needs to be done.

That might be true, but it's worth trying.

[What's the point of defeating an enemy if you lose everything you love along the way? The enemy is hardly worth it.]

Too bad we don't get chances to cross bridges twice.

[No save scumming for them, sadly.]

Yeah. Too bad.

[he's never really imagined what he would do differently, if he was standing in that field of flowers again. everything that had led up to 1964 had already been long in play before john and the boss had ever really been important to each other. he knows now, one way or the other, the boss would have found her own field to die in someday. there was nothing he could have ever done to save her.

but he thinks, now that he's presented with the scenario, that he would've die alongside her. if only to spare everyone else he's ever known to this point the grief of his very existence.]

[A few startling revelations short and a universe away, Kazuhira Miller would like nothing more than if John had died alongside his mentor.]

[But this is here and this is now, a multitude of events and actual discussions between them as sane rational individuals later, and it's lent him a new perspective. He doesn't want this man to die, or worse. To fade and wither until death is a relief.]

For what it's worth, I think you made every choice to the best of your ability and the resources you had. And I'm saying that as an experienced base commander and soldier.

[Not some kid fresh out of the JSDF in the jungle. Not a silly playboy. He means it with a knowledgeable eye. But in a state of grief, it's probably not worth much.]

Is Ocelot there?

[He's at odds with the guy, but he doesn't want John to be alone right now.]

[it might not mean much now, but later, probably much later, john will reflect and realize, yes, kaz is right. adam is right. he's just a man; he did what he could. for now, though, he chooses to let the statement go.

he can't bear anyone else telling him what he did or didn't do right.]

I'm not home.

[Sometimes there's the 'right' choice, and sometimes there's the choice that says you have very few options.]

[He also thinks, from experience, that John shouldn't be alone right now, but there's not much he can do about that from here.]

The weather gets difficult out there. Is it being decent at the moment?

It's nice right now. The cold doesn't bother me, anyway.

[......................~~LET IT GO~~]

Joy seemed to like it when she was out there. Is she with you?

[Please let him have taken Joy, because at least she can help. Dogs help.]

Yeah, she's here. She's a good dog, trained well.

[she's pretty much the only one he thinks would be able to stand being around him when he's like this. she's a dog, after all, all she wants to do is please him.]

That's good.

I've been there for some pretty rough times, and since we got another chance, I'd like to be there for you again.

[Kaz is very used to people not wanting to put up with him as a miserable bastard. He doesn't want to leave John with that.]

So don't be afraid to ask for it, alright?

[this is literally like asking a leopard to change its spots. john has hardly ever asked for help concerning anything that wasn't related to war. if he had known how to ask for help when it came to his sad past, he would've done it a long time ago.

if he couldn't do it when he was a younger man, when he was still jack and his name wasn't whispered in the same tone as a monster's, what makes kaz think he can do it now?]

Sure, Kaz.

Alright.

[And all he can do is hope. Or so he tells himself. He doesn't want to go to Ahab and ask him to go because he knows this knowledge is extremely hard on him.]

[But he doesn't want to leave John alone out there, either. A dog helps. But a dog still isn't a person.]

[So after a few beats.]

I still have that first aid kit. Where are you?

[Because this post is about as close to asking for help as he could get.]

[even though john can be as dense as the sun, he knows that kaz is not going to trudge out into the forest to come give him a first aid kit. john is always properly prepared wherever he goes.]

On Chioni. In the woods.

['there's nothing in that first aid kit that's going to make me better.']

[He's trying to protect his pride, okay!]

John, please. A narrower range.

Please.

I'll pick it up later. Don't worry about it.

[predictably, kaz will discover john has gone on radio silence if he sends anymore messages.]

[He tries to send a couple more, before physically shaking the TAB like he's wringing his damned stubborn neck. There's a decent period of silence where he doesn't get any messages before receiving a single file.]

ATTACHED: REC001.mp3

[It sounds like it was played in a room with a slight echo to it, as though he just recorded it. After that, though, he leaves him alone.]

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