01 ☂ Voice; (backdated to sun's out, fun's out event)

[chaoticluptral]

[A woman's voice comes over the network. She sounds annoyed. Like she's been waiting and waiting for something and now that it's finally happened, she has to collect herself.]

Yes, hello? Is this the Customer Service line? I've been trying to call your shit for days now. I know that the sun is out and everything but that doesn't mean you can not answer the phone! If the sun goes out, who else am I gonna call? I've got to report this service outage to someone. The sun going out is also kinda unprofessional. I'm not exactly feeling confident in you guys here.

Anyway, my complaint is as follows. I need to get off this plane of existence like right fucking now. And I know that it's probably not your fault who you pick up and drop off here, it's just policy and blah blah blah but it's very important that I get back to the plane of existence I was on before. I want to return this kidnapping for a full refund.

I hate to show up and run without wrecking any shit as is my thing, but this is kind of getting in the way of what I'm trying to do. Which is literally ONE JOB. I had one fucking job and this makes it look like I can't do one job. So for the sake of my resume and the universe, send me back.

Also some asshole owes me 15 dollars and I need to collect. Priorities and all.

Yes, that's it. Thank you for your time. But next time if this complaint doesn't go through, I'm gonna ask for your goddamn manager!

((No TAZ spoilers really in the post but some might always appear in the comments, I will try to warn for anything in the subject head!))

Comments

[chaoticluptral]

Taako.

Bro. I'm sorry but this isn't one of your better jokes. A solid 3/10 at best.

Also no one ever wants an 8x10. 5x7 is the ideal pocket size.

[chaoticlootral]

Excuse me? Plenty of people want 8x10s. Roadside coffee shops, laundromats, mid-range family style dining establishments. They're in demand! I could charge, two, three hundred bucks for this and I'm offering limited edition memorabilia for free, not yanking your chain.

[ It's probably not decisive yet. He's pretty good at straightfaced deception, but he does seem a little weirded out. ]

[chaoticluptral]

Hmmm, I have serious doubts about your business since, bro. The cost benefit analysis doesn't add up, especially with the fading relevance of laundry mats. I'd definitely go for the 5x7s.

...What are you selling your pictures for anyway? No one is going to r͠҉̷̴͔͈͉̬̦͕̤̙̰̹̫̩̟e҉̧̧͔͙̩̙͔̪͎̞̬̞̬̠̳ͅm̕͜͠͏͖̠͖̲͙̻̮̠e̸̛̛̮̖̭̩̜̗̯̹̥̘̩͉̦͘͝m̶͍̺̰͙͈͕̱̩̲͕͎̪̮̀ͅb̛̻͎͖̠̳͚͎͢e̸͏̸̡̼̬͙̯̦̖r̡͖̟̹̲̣͢͟ ҉̧͕̯̬̜̘̺̞̪̫̝̲̹͍͇̱͚͖͠ư̫̦͎͇̥̮͇̕ͅs̡̫̞͉̖͍̠̲̲̯̝̬̕͡ ̡̢̜̘̘̫̠̞̯̜͓͎͚̦͕͈̳̥̺͢͢ͅa̶̴̲̥̞̱͍͇̞͓̼͓̘̦̬̪̰̮̩͓̕͘͢f̵̞͓̻̦̲̦̣͕̞͖̹̭ͅͅt͏͘͏̛̹̙͙̯̟̮̹e̢̖̘̼̖̺̕͡r҉̶̛̰̮͉̤͇̞͚̤͍̹͚͉ ̡͏͔̪͔͖̭a̴̪̜͔̦͠ ̛͜҉̲̹͖̲̣̪̖͔̼̞̟̞͖͎̺̱̲̩y̡̠͎̘͈͈͇̙̼̣̳͕̩̫̖͔͜͟͠é̷͓͙̱̱̕͠͝á̢̲͎̹̬͍͍̱̝̻͍̖̠͖̬̪͍̹̹̀͘ͅŗ̸͈̦͈ ̛̥̳̤̙́̕͜͞o̵͙̰͈̘͈̟͉̝̰̬̖̗̫̙͢͞͝ͅņ͍͇̯̘̙͇̠͖͕͉̗̟̙̮͉͝ ̷͘͏̙̤͉̻̣̮͟t̷͏̶͕̝̫̱̺̱̖̗̤̘̟̲͔ͅh̢̭͍̮͉̜͈͓͇͙͓̻̬͍̼͍̞̀i̢̡̖̰̮͞ͅs̬̼͔̯̙̕͞ ̸͏̶̧̧͉̯̤̜̬͖̹̳̥̻̦̼̭̙̖̘̫ṕ͏̸̱͈̠͉͎͙̰̹͍̺͎̭͚̻̞̲̝͓͞ͅl̴̨҉̱̠͚͙̺͉̤͙̹ą̡̮̠̬̥͔̠̪͉c̗̦̳̦̣͉͈̫̙̫͔̹̺͢ȩ͓̞̰̻̺͙͍̫͔̻̤̙.̛̦̯̫̺͎̙͔̪̖̦͖́́͞

[chaoticlootral]

[uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh oh.]

. . . Gonna need you to run that one by me again, kind of dropped the connection at the end there, homie.

[chaoticluptral]

Taako...

What's going on? Why are you acting so fucking weird? This... isn't like you. What is this place?

[chaoticlootral]

[Okay, well, enough of this weirdo. The static was enough to freak him out and now it's getting worse.]

Hey, cool questions, better ones: who the fuck are you and why are you acting so weird?

[chaoticluptral]

Taako.

It's me... it's Lup? What the fuck is going on?

[chaoticlootral]

[Oh? Sorry? Are we getting mad now? Let's get into this shit, Miss Stranger? Let's get snappy? Something about that name makes his entire brain throb so that's cool. This isn't an incredibly freaky experience or anything.]

See, here's the thing homie, I don't know what kind of fast one you're trying to pull - I don't know shit about shit! And I'm not answering shit about shit until we, uh, lay down some cards on the table. Where exactly is it you think you know me from?

[chaoticluptral]

Oh, we go way back. All the way to the womb, even. Taako, I'm you're fucking sister and this isn't funny. And if you're not making a joke, tell me who messed with your memories so I can go have a fucking word.

[NOPE. NOPE. THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.]

[chaoticlootral]

[ THIS IS THE UNCOOLEST JOKE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. Why are they so mad about this!! ]

Uh, you must have misread my memoirs, sister, because I don't have one. [ Cool comeback. ] And you're right, this sure as shit isn't funny! Think you might be the one with the memory problems. This some sort of delusion or a hidden camera show?

[ Nevermind he has a Very Bad Feeling about the static he heard earlier. ]

[chaoticluptral]

If I had a camera it would be to punch you in the face so you knock this shit off. But you're terrified of me when I'm angry so I'm starting to really think you don't remember me.

[Ouch.]

audio -> video

[chaoticlootral]

[ Uh, may or may not be going to find Magnus because now he's getting face-punch threats and this is the absolute best way this could have gone. But, also, because he's stupid - going to just flip over to video so he can scope out whoever is threatening him right now. Come out and face me in the parking lot, jackass!!!!

As it flips on it's obviously Taako - and maybe his styling is a little different - his hair is a little longer and he certainly isn't in red because it clashes with his tones, but nothing else much has changed. He's also pretty damn pissed so, good luck with that. ]

Turn on the camera, thug, gotta get a good read on your face so I know who to aim at.