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[Deep breaths. This is fine. This is all going to be fine. They can do this.]

[But if he broadens the search pool, the better the chances of this working out. As much as he hates to think about what he'd learned, as much as he wants to pretend it's all okay...]

[His voice is steady as ever, over the TAB. Despite the late hour.]

I'm looking for someone good with data extraction and compilation. Especially someone who can do that for alien or unfamiliar tech.

Maybe even translating unknown languages. I can't say for sure.

I'll take any help you can offer.

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[He shakes his head, dropping his metal hand from Keith's shoulder.]

Not as much as you think. Part of the plan is... finding out exactly what happened in that fight. Move by move. If I know that, maybe we can avoid whatever this was.

[He quiets, though, to listen, but this doesn't make sense either. Why would he say that? Eventually, sure. With a lot of practice, training... that's something possible.]

Don't... take this the wrong way, but... when did that happen? Lance didn't mention that part. [Or Hunk. Or Coran.] But -- practice. Yeah.

Nothing wrong with practice.

[As it dawns on him maybe he should have explained to Keith why he told Darin to be in charge... crap...]

[ Okay, so it's something Shiro hasn't thought about yet. That's... fine. That's what he wanted. Isn't it? But he feels strangely disappointed, and unsure about going on. Like maybe he's volunteering himself for something that neither of them wants. ]

Lance doesn't know.

[ And it dawns on Keith, in one sudden awful flash, that he really, really doesn't want Lance to find out. ]

You and I got stranded together right after the wormhole thing. You'd gotten hurt, and you kept talking like you weren't gonna make it.

[ Keith's voice is measured, careful, but it's clear from the stress he's barely keeping down that it's a bad memory for him. ]

And I— I kinda thought you were just— [ Keith waves his hand vaguely besides his head. ] From the blood loss?

[It takes him all of ten seconds to see something, maybe even something minute, on Keith's face that makes him say --]

I won't tell him. Or anyone else.

[Then it's back to heavier things. Things that are harder to deal with. The hand still on his teammate's shoulder tightens again. Once. I'm still here. I'm right here.]

[Then more quiet, more thought. More internal kicking himself for something that hasn't even happened yet.]

I really put a lot of pressure on you then. Didn't I? [There's something apologetic there.] I'm sorry.

Tell me something, though. All right? [Before this goes further. Before there's more apologies and more hard questions. Before they launch into a more difficult discussion.]

Is that... something you want?

[ Keith shakes his head. It's true, it had been a lot of pressure, it still is, but it's bigger than just the two of them. Just thinking about the scope of it makes him feel tired. Is this how Shiro feels all the time? ]

Don't. Don't apologize.

[ It's a hard decision to make. No one had wanted it, but it needed to be done. That much, at least, he's sure of. He folds his hands, picking restlessly at his thumbnail before he forces himself to correct the behavior. Don't fidget.

And that's the question, isn't it? Asked point-blank like that... there's no way he can lie. But he can't say no, either. He's stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no right answer immediately apparent. ]

It's not about wanting it. I...

[ Keith sighs, the line of his shoulders tense beneath Shiro's hand. I don't know how. I'm afraid I'll screw up. That I'll get someone hurt, or worse. That I'm too selfish, too angry, too reckless. That I'm not someone people want to follow. That I'm not like you. But I want to be.

The corners of his eyes sting, which makes heat rise to his face, and he lowers his gaze to the floor. ]

... I've thought about this. Pidge is brilliant. She'll be a great tactician, but she's still working on the big picture thing. Better behind the scenes. Hunk's amazing at the teamwork stuff, but he's afraid of real conflict. He'd hate it. And Lance— Lance showboats, but he's smarter than he acts. He's adaptable, and people like him. But he couldn't handle making the hard calls. The ones people don't like you for.

So. That leaves me.

[ He's considered all this at length, by now. All the pros and cons of each of them. It feels like a betrayal of Shiro every time — what Shiro asked of him, yes, but accepting that Shiro could really be gone, too — ]

No one asked you if you wanted this. But someone had to do it. Well... I'd do anything for this team.

I guess that's my answer.

[Someone had to do it. Isn't that how he always felt? Someone had to do it, might as well be him. He was what there was. All they had. And he had to fight to live up to this standard. It's not something he wants to force on anyone else, to place on anyone else.]

[Least of all someone who doesn't want it.]

I'm proud you've thought this through so much. Good work.

[And he means that. Completely and sincerely. Carefully squeezing the tense muscle under his hand. It's okay.]

It doesn't have to leave you. It could leave Allura. You have a choice here, now. While we're here now.

[But god is he proud of him. Proud and impressed. And when the answer comes, he ends up bowing his head. Breathing in slowly. Okay. Okay, there's the choice.]

[There's the answer.]

... then we'll consider this a practice run. For however long we're here.

[ Keith nods in acknowledgement; he tucks that 'proud of you' away somewhere private to look back on later, when he needs it. He's quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts before looking back up at Shiro in a sidelong sort of way. ]

Well, sure... it goes without saying that Allura's in charge.

[Honestly, he'd say it a hundred more times if he could. But he nods, thoughtfully.]

Meaning... if you really, really don't want to take this up, Keith... I don't think you have to.

But for now, let's just keep treating this as training.

[ He shakes his head, steepling his fingers and rubbing the bridge of his nose. ]

This is coming out all wrong. I was trying to offer to take some of the load off your shoulders, not make you reassure me.

You're not making anything come out wrong, Keith. If I'm trying to be reassuring, that's... just me.

I can't help that, I think.

[ Keith lets out a quiet huff of an exhale. It's almost a laugh, except for how nothing is funny at all. ]

I know. That's just the way you are.

[No. There's nothing is funny in the slightest. But... it's morbidly ridiculous. That they have to have this conversation at all. They should be making battle plans, training plans.]

[Instead... he's here making what amounts to a living will.]

It'll work out. Okay?

... You know you're more than just our leader, right? I mean— the team could still function, with someone else in charge. We're not even the first Paladins.

But... there's only one Shiro.

[Part of him knows that. He's heard it from Pidge. From Lance, Hunk... it's impossible to deny anymore. Maybe Allura is the only one who just sees him as the head. If even that, anymore.]

Yeah, I... sort of found out more about that the hard way.

[The first Paladin part, anyway.]

And this one Shiro doesn't want his right arm to have to change himself too fast or too hard. [Get it? That's a terrible joke. To lighten the mood.] There's only one you too, man.

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