thisavrou | Memoir One ✓ video

[The video opens on the face of a handsome man in possession of a truly magnificent beard. He hesitates for a brief second until he's sure the device is working, then flashes a charming grin.]

This is a really strange question, but I'm going to ask it anyway:

Does anyone have any ideas about the best way to befriend oneself? Multiple attempts at striking up a friendly conversation have ended in vomit and tears, so I'm kind of at a loss.

I warned you not to try and pick me up after I’d been drinking. I hope when you go to the bar you don’t literally pick anyone up.

...And there were no tears.

[The camera shifts to as the man looks at a thin woman with dark hair and light eyes, playing idly with her TAB. This is Marian Hawke as many know her. Unlike the man who’s grinning, she mostly looks like she’s bewildered at how she got into this situation and how best to get out of it. Despite the different expressions, however, the resemblance between them is distinct.]

Normally I'd take them out for a few drinks and then maybe stumble over to a brothel, but that seems a little...eh, I dunno, is "incestuous" the right word, here? Or would "masturbatory" be more appropriate?

“Masturbatory”, definitely.

[Is the lady Hawke’s vote.]

Let’s not disrespect biology by going with "incestuous". Though you can buy me another drink all the same. I never turn down a gift.

Hmm...I was leaning that way too, honestly. Still, awkward.

[Here he pauses again to flash another charming grin at the TAB, and also wink conspiratorially.]

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Oh, I can’t wait to see what the people come up with. Hopefully it involves more drinking.

[She just… shakes her head and glances at the sky, wondering what she did to deserve this.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He's not going to question too hard or think too deeply about how an individual apparently made from metal might kiss someone, much less get any more intimate than that.]

You can, yeah, if you both like each other enough.

[Hawke's certainly not going to be the one to tell you otherwise...or to ask any potentially awkward and/or mind-scarring questions.]

Not everyone has taste as good as yours and mine, sadly. It's just the way of the world. Or. Universe, I guess.

... we did.

[Well that started out in a nice silly place, but then it took a right turn into sad.]

Yeah but. What's not to like? If she just met you and all.

...What happened to him? If you don't mind talking about it...

[Oh, no, Sideswipe. D:]

Weeeell, I think part of it is because I look so much like our father. She actually thought I was him, when she first saw me. I don't think she's quite forgiven me for not being him. And, I mean, I can't really blame her. If I were her I'd wish I were our father, too.

I... I dunno, man. I mean... one day he's promising we're gonna see this new place together and then...

[SHRUG. You can figure out what comes next, right Hawke?]

Oh. Humans look like... fathers?

That's...[Kind of what he expected, to be honest. As different as it is from the place he was before, of course the thing the two places would have in common would be unexpected departures. Of course.]...I'm sorry to hear that.

Some look like their fathers, yeah. Some look like their mothers. Others don't much resemble either parent.

[...Do giant robots have parents. :|a]

[Another little shrug.] It... happens, yeah? I just have to... [air quotes] "get over it or else I'm part of the problem". Huh?

[That's still stinging.]

And... she thought you were... your dad? Did he have face fur too?

What? No, that's not how it works. If something upsetting happens, you're allowed to be upset about it. What sort of insensitive ass told you something like that?

[Hawke will fight them. :T]

Pff..."Face fur." Yeah, he did. I always wanted to be just like him when I was a kid, so, when mine started growing in, I kept it.

[Also it's the kind of facial hair that grows back insanely fast when shaved off, so it's actually just more practical to keep the beard. Bear genes, man.]

[Another SHRUG and he hunkers down a bit more.]

Ultra Lameness. He's trying to act like he's Prime around here or something.

[He shouldn't have yelled either but in his defense, he is Teenager.]

It's kinda cool. Does it feel weird?

Sounds like he could use a lesson in empathy.

[Hawke will give him one, if he gets the chance. This poor kid! :|]

Uh...no, not really. I mean, I've had it for so long, I don't really notice it? It'd feel weirder to shave it off.

You wanna go yell at him, man? Be my guest. You can't miss him.

[He's poking at his own face, though, like he's trying to picture it.]

Does it hurt when you cut it off?

Maybe I will.

[Oh, he definitely will. He really can't stand jerks who pick on kids. 8|]

Mmmm, only if I cut myself. There's no feeling in the hair, just in the skin underneath it.

I'd pay to see that, dude.

... wait, really? You can't feel it at all? But it's... part of you.

No need to pay, I'll do it for free.

Yeah, really. It's hair.

[Pause]

...Don't ask me to explain how or why, though, because I have no idea.

Okay, great. You can't miss him. He's huge and loud and wants to make out with rules.

...

Good call, dude. I was totally gonna ask.

[He laughs at that description.]

He sounds like the sort of person I'd never get along with anyway.

[and he grins when Sideswipe admits he'd been about to ask.]

There seem to be a lot of "sciency"-minded people here. Well, not here here, in the bar, but, you know. Around. Maybe one of them knows.

He's totally not. Keep awaaaaay.

You never know! Maybe they are in the bar.

You're right, they could be.

[He actually does take a moment to glance around.]

Somehow I don't think it's very likely there's one here, but I've been wrong before.

Dude, I super dare you to just yell "hey any science types in here" as loud as you can.

[He doesn't even pause, just lets his TAB settle briefly to the counter while he swivels on his stool to loudly ask the bar in general:]

Hey, any science types in here?

[There's a slight pause filled with what might be an awkward silence if Hawke were prone to acknowledging awkward silences, before he swings back around and picks up his TAB again.]

Doesn't look like it.

[Sideswipe just. Laughs. Not the mocking kind of laugh. The kind where you're genuinely amused, and it's the first honestly funny thing you've seen in ages.]

Oh man...

Dude.

That's the best. You totally win.

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