Memoir One ✓ video

[hawkethat]

[The video opens on the face of a handsome man in possession of a truly magnificent beard. He hesitates for a brief second until he's sure the device is working, then flashes a charming grin.]

This is a really strange question, but I'm going to ask it anyway:

Does anyone have any ideas about the best way to befriend oneself? Multiple attempts at striking up a friendly conversation have ended in vomit and tears, so I'm kind of at a loss.

I warned you not to try and pick me up after I’d been drinking. I hope when you go to the bar you don’t literally pick anyone up.

...And there were no tears.

[The camera shifts to as the man looks at a thin woman with dark hair and light eyes, playing idly with her TAB. This is Marian Hawke as many know her. Unlike the man who’s grinning, she mostly looks like she’s bewildered at how she got into this situation and how best to get out of it. Despite the different expressions, however, the resemblance between them is distinct.]

Normally I'd take them out for a few drinks and then maybe stumble over to a brothel, but that seems a little...eh, I dunno, is "incestuous" the right word, here? Or would "masturbatory" be more appropriate?

“Masturbatory”, definitely.

[Is the lady Hawke’s vote.]

Let’s not disrespect biology by going with "incestuous". Though you can buy me another drink all the same. I never turn down a gift.

Hmm...I was leaning that way too, honestly. Still, awkward.

[Here he pauses again to flash another charming grin at the TAB, and also wink conspiratorially.]

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Oh, I can’t wait to see what the people come up with. Hopefully it involves more drinking.

[She just… shakes her head and glances at the sky, wondering what she did to deserve this.]

Comments

video;

[sketchycharacter]

Blow something up together. It's great for bonding.

[otiosity]

I only blow things up with the most special people. The nearest and dearest to my heart.

[sketchycharacter]

But we haven't blown up anything yet.

[otiosity]

You only just had to ask.

[sketchycharacter]

If you really cared, I wouldn't have to ask.

[otiosity]

Oh Nate, we can blow up two things to make it up to you.

[sketchycharacter]

[He clutches at his chest.]

Be still my heart. No one's ever made me such an offer.

[otiosity]

Only for my special friend, Nathan Drake.

[She pretends to wipe a tear away.]

[sketchycharacter]

I'm touched.

So were there really vomit and tears? If so I'm surprised dick you stuck around.

[otiosity]

No tears. Unless you count tears on the inside.

Some vomit but that was his fault. I did warn him.

[sketchycharacter]

He's you. He should have expected it.

[otiosity]

Agreed.

I can't help someone determined to be a fool.

[sketchycharacter]

Right. He's so completely unlike you.

[hawkethat]

[Oof, explosions, no thanks. The last one he dealt with is still far, far too fresh in his mind for comfort.]

Iiiiiii'm not much of an "explosives" fan. If we're talking property damage, I'd rather stick with something easier to contain, like arson.

[sketchycharacter]

Truly spoken by someone who's never been trapped in a burning chateau.

[hawkethat]

[That gets a laugh out of him.]

That depends on your definition of "trapped." Even then, fire's preferable.

[sketchycharacter]

Uh, unable to escape the burning walls? I've done both, and fire's really not much better.

[hawkethat]

Hmm. Well, I guess if you're hoping for a quick death, an explosion is probably your better bet. Fire can take a while.

...And that sure did get morbid rather quickly.

[He flashes a grin, though.]

Thanks for the suggestion! Maybe I'll propose a friendly fireball competition.

[sketchycharacter]

Remind me to be doing something else when you hold it.

So does that mean you can do magic like regular Hawke?

[hawkethat]

You don't want to watch? Your loss.

[He resists the urge to roll his eyes at the "regular Hawke" remark and answers the question nicely.]

It does have a tendency to run in families, so, yeah. I can.

[sketchycharacter]

[What he doesn't want is to be collateral damage.]

Huh. So everything else is the same then? Except you being all beardly and manly.

[hawkethat]

Pretty much, yeah. Except she's a lot grumpier than I am...although I'm not sure if that's an actual personality difference or if she just dislikes me that much.

[Shrug]

It sounds like you've known her for a while - what do you think?

[sketchycharacter]

Ehhh. She can get grumpy sometimes, but it's not her fault state.

[Sorry, Dick Hawke. It might just be you.]

[hawkethat]

Right. So it probably is just me.

[Sigh. SIGH. That's what he'd been afraid of.]

[sketchycharacter]

Probably. Sorry, pal.

[Part of him actually is sorry for Dick Hawke. But not sorry enough to call him by his actual name.]