thisavrou | video;

Entry tags:

video;

[It's very, very early morning when the video flicks on. Displaying someone who really should still have been asleep. But he's smiling, and pans the camera over to where one of the purple alien cats has apparently, in true cat fashion, decided Shiro's bedroll is its new bed, and no one else's.]

Finally got him to stick around long enough for a nap. [He's speaking in an undertone, and fondly, too.] He'll probably wander off after he wakes up, but...

Maybe we can get him to help with the hunting around here.

[A pause.] At least, I've been calling him... him.

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And I'm saying you don't get one without the other.

I didn't.

Look, it's... a touchy subject, okay?

Listen...I'm sorry if it's a touchy subject.

I get it. The whole...shared responsibility, the lives of people in your hands. I understand it.

...Probably better than you realize.

I believe you.

But it's something I take very seriously. Just... for future reference.

[Shiro you tried to fucking form Voltron with a robot lion pyramid. Come on man.]

Doesn't it drive you insane though?

I mean, you know the old saying 'there's a time and place for that kind of behavior?' Doesn't that sorta go both ways?

I mean, if I let everything I had on my shoulders constantly weigh on me, I'd have killed myself years ago.

I mean...at least you've got friends here. Pidge and the Princess. They care. We all do.

I guess...I'm just saying that I like the pun spouting Shiro. Not the that dutiful Shiro is all bad but...

...Man, forget it. I'm bad at this.

Just because I have responsibilities doesn't mean I don't like bad jokes. But... the time and place is always. For me.

If I slack off, someone else could be hurt.

... you're not that bad.

Come on...you really think I'd let someone get hurt?

I may cause trouble but...it's only because I'm confident I can handle anything that comes my--

...Wait. That's it. That's why you're so serious. You're scared of not being prepared for what could happen next!

That's not what I meant. I didn't mean you'd let it happen... But sometimes it happens anyway. Even when you try your best.

[He'd know. Wouldn't he? The whole team would know. And Allura...]

... I wouldn't say scared. Concerned.

No, you're scared. You're scared because all eyes are on you. You've been put into a position that you're not convinced you're ready for, you're not even sure what it is you're supposed to or meant to do, and everyone just expects you to keep on keepin' on when you'd much rather lock yourself in your room and scream into your pillow until you lose your voice.

I know this because I used to be like that all the time.

[He's still like that. He just hides it incredibly well.]

You should have seen me as a kid, Shiro. I was scared of my own shadow. I barely spoke two words to anyone.

...

None of us can afford to have me being afraid.

[Like closing a door. Maybe there's truth there, but he sure as hell can't show it right now. Not when they're abandoned and shipless on a world with few resources. Now he has to be the Black Paladin. He can't be the Pilot. The Space Enthusiast.]

[So he gently, quietly, makes an attempt to shut down that line of conversation.]

[Because if he screamed, he has the feeling he wouldn't ever stop.]

I'm sorry you felt that way. That something made you feel that way. Your friends here are with you, if you need them.

Lucio is very... very good at that.

[Yeah he saw you bantering with the frog.]

Yeah...he is.

Look, all I'll say is this:

There's nothing wrong with being afraid. Honestly, knowing someone else is afraid with you makes the situation seem a lot less scary. We're all in this together.

...You're probably the first friend I've ever had. You and Lucio.

If anything tried to hurt you guys...[He'd split the earth and tear the sky down]

If anything brought you guys to your knees I'd be the first one there holding you up.

And I appreciate it.

[They're trite words, but. There's a wealth of sentiment behind them. Sure it's short and simple, but he means it. Completely.]

... Just know I don't exactly talk about things like that. [He can't.] It's not just you.

All right?

Yeah.

[It's an uncharacteristically short response, and his voice sounds like it's miles away.]

Trust me. I know exactly what you mean.

I know what it's like to--...

...I get it.

Sorry.