thisavrou | [audio]

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[Only the audio clicks on, and the voice coming through the MID is worn, thin with static and carefully controlled.]

This is Chief--this is Ratchet, giving notice that the portion of the inorganic clinic I was running is currently closed until further notice, as of... now, apparently somewhere around a year from when I last checked. I'll be resuming my duties as soon as--when it's possible for me to do so.

In the meantime, I'm referring my patients to the regular medbay or to Tony Stark, depending on the complexity of the engineering involved. If it's a serious emergency... I can't help you, but I'll try to consult via MID if absolutely necessary. I am not available to answer five hundred questions about why, so don't bother asking. I need to work. Kindly refrain from calling me unless you're actively leaking to death.

...Ratchet out.

[PRIVATE TO WHIRL]
I need to speak with you in person. I'm sending you my coordinates.

Please.

[Somebody's hands finally stopped working to the point where he actually has to quit using them all the time and attach new ones, and he is not having a good day. Feel free to harass him, but there's no guarantee he'll respond.]

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[There's a long, long pause before Ratchet answers while he tries to decide whether to scream or laugh or cry, all of which would probably alarm Magnus unduly. He cycles his vents in a shaky sigh instead.]

No. Everything is not all right, but I'll take care of it. Just do what you can to keep everyone safe in the meantime while I'm out of commission.

Out of commission?

Ratchet, what's going on? Why are you going to be 'out of commission?'

[Ratchet hesitates for a long, suspended moment before he locks the audio feed and resists the extremely strong and slightly hysterical urge to bang his helm against his desk.]

It's my hands, Magnus. [He sounds so tired.] I was killed--well, I died recently. Here. And, yeah, people come back, but not quite whole, from what I've been able to gather. Lots of people lose memories but I haven't noticed any gaps--just... when I came out of cryo, it was with the hands I had when The Lost Light took off from Cyberton the first time. The broken ones. I don't know what happened to my other set, but I'm pretty sure they're gone for good, and even if they aren't there's nothing I can do to get them back now. I'm... working out a solution. But after a whole fragging year trapped in that sinkhole I can barely make a fist, let alone hold tools or operate.

There's nothing anyone else can do. There's no way to really fix it. I'm doing what I can. I just need people to not nearly get killed in the meantime, because I don't know if I'll be able to help them.

That...

How is that possible? How can something like that just be...taken away.

Ratchet, what are you planning on doing? You're talking as if you have a plan, but it's going to mean you'll be temporarily disabled.

[He has no idea how to answer Magnus' first question and he just sits for a moment and stares at his trembling fingertips, his whole chest one huge ache.]

I'll figure it out, Magnus. [His voice is thin.] I have a couple of options. But I can't just quit and find somebody else to do my job, here--there is nobody else. I know that. I'll be back up and running as soon as I can.

I understand.

Are you...Are you alright?

You sound rattled.

[There's a long silence on the other end of the comm.]

Thank you, Magnus. [He's quiet but obviously sincere.] I'll... be all right.

Is there anything I can do in the interim?

Manage your check up schedule? Reorganize patient files?

I assure you, no task it too menial. If it helps I will do it with utmost fervor.

I know. Thank you.

There's nothing just now, but if I can think of anything you'll be the first to know.

You know me. I worry.

You've been here longer than I have. I worry that this is taking a toll on you that you shouldn't have to pay.

We need you, Ratchet. And I don't mean for regular check ups.

...Although, those are important and I worry that not everyone is scheduling checkups properly.

...But I digress.

I know you do, Magnus. I--

[His vocalizer fritzes and dies as he stares down at his MID for a long moment, his hands and his head and his chest aching. He shutters his optics to keep light from spilling over, too bright, and lays his head down on his forearms, his fans dragging cool air into his chassis in slow, measured pulls as he just shivers there, his throat tight. He manages to collect himself eventually, hoping the pause wasn't too long and trying to force his voice steady.]

Well, I'm not going anywhere. And I've gone from a patient pool of over two hundred to around twenty, so I've been keeping on top of it. Even convinced Soundwave to come in, eventually. I've run medical bays under worse conditions. [This is not strictly true, but he's trying not to think too hard about his hands, everything else aside.]

...we'll be all right, Magnus. Being here is taking its toll on everyone, but we'll be all right.

I know.

I know we will, especially after hearing you say it.

Because there's less than a handful of bots that I've ever known who could attempt to reassure me and the gesture would actually take.

[Because Ratchet, despite his perpetual grump, had one of the kindest sparks he'd ever known. A bot who served through a terrible war, and didn't lose his way...lose sight of what truly mattered. The respect that Magnus--no, that Minimus Ambus had for Ratchet was immeasurable. Any recommendations with Ratchet came with several lifetimes worth of experience and trust, so much so that Magnus never gave Ratchet's words a second thought; he always took them to be true, honest, and for everyone's best interests.]

[But beyond that, even when Ratchet had left the Lost Light in search of Drift?]

[Ratchet came back. The old medic was like the sun. Sure, he might go away for a spell, but you could always count on his return.]

[Magnus needed something like that now. More than ever.]

We'll persevere as we always have.

Together.

[Ratchet can probably hear the smile through the MID]

[Ratchet can hear the warmth in Magnus' voice and he swallows hard against nausea and the knot in his throat, wrapping his arms around himself and hunching down in his chair, tucking his useless hands close in against himself protectively.]

Yeah. [His own voice is raw, and he hopes it won't be as painfully noticeable over the MID feed.] Why d'you think I said it? You lot are stuck with me and I have no desire to take up Megatron's personnel duties, so I'll be back in the medbay as soon as I'm able.

[He rubs the back of his hand over his mouth hard and tries to sit up a little, the corners of his mouth pulled taut but his tone very steady.]

I should get back to work. I'll keep you updated if there are any significant developments. And this line's open if there's something you need.

What I need, Ratchet, is for my longtime friend to get himself patched up.

Leave the crew in my care for awhile. Get yourself sorted.

You've been through the wringer recently and I doubt you've had much time to really...come to terms with everything that's happened.

[Pot meet kettle. But Magnus always good at dealing with his own issues by shoving them away to help someone else deal with theirs.]

Starscream told me all about the incident. I doubt you've had enough time to really process it.

Oh--what, that?

[YEAH RATCHET. "THAT."]

I'm all right. I mean, I came back pretty much intact. Mostly it was just weird. Sorry I didn't say something earlier, but I didn't want people harassing Starscream about it when we had bigger problems--it honestly wasn't his fault.

[He thinks for a minute, sounding more himself as his brain grinds into gear to focus on something that isn't his own internal existential misery.]

I guess it should bother me more--it certainly rattled Riptide--but I don't know. I knew what was happening and why, and I was fairly sure I'd come back. I think Starscream was more frightened than I was, once I told him there was nothing he could do. I mean, it hurt, I definitely don't recommend it, but I'm all right.

I knew something was amiss when Starscream abdicated his position as ruler of Cybertron.

...Even saying that sentence aloud makes me feel like my brain is trying to turn in on itself.

I questioned him about it because, let's be honest, someone outmaneuvering Starscream is something we should be made aware of.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that Starscream was being manipulated by Starscream.

[He pauses.]

Ratchet, as I'm sure you're aware, I don't normally drink.

But I feel inclined to start when I make proclamations like that.

Yeah, well. [The narrowing of Ratchet's optics is practically audible.] I think both of them are going to think twice before using me as the fulcrum for a friendly spot of blackmail again. I was... displeased. Particularly when I found out they'd lost my body somehow--if they still had it, my problem would already be fixed. It's possible the ship did something with it though, I have no idea how the hell the Ingress works.

Are you saying your corpse might be lying around?

And the last two people to see it were Starscream and Starscream?

...I may have to pay them both a visit.

I think ours was the one who hid it, mostly because he was afraid of you stepping on him in your new armor and turning him into a grease smear on a corridor floor. I don't think he lost it on purpose but I'm pretty sure he was the last one to see it.

It's a lead. I'll take whatever I can get.

If I find something, I'll let you know as soon as possible.

[The tonal shift is so audible, it's like he's a different person. He's literally shifted into 'lawman mode.']

Magnus. [Ratchet's voice is deliberately gentle in contrast, if a little staticky still.] I'm not anticipating that you're going to find anything. Don't strip a gear trying, all right?

I know.

But I've got to try.

...I know.

[Now he just sounds tired again.]

Thank you, Magnus.

You're always welcome.

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