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Hello, I'm Niko Bellic. And I'm in charge of the Cargo Bay...

Except, I do not think I want to be. I have been working there for eleven months. [Back when he wanted to avoid fighting, when he wanted to attempt his route of being peaceful and avoid conflict, it had been helpful. Even more so when he wanted to avoid his initial job in the then-existent bar; yes, he sometimes drinks, but he couldn't tolerate the constant presence of habitual drunkards. Alcoholism never left good impressions with him. Being given the Cargo Bay position had been great. He had quiet time, could drive loaders, could do mindless work. But now? Not so much...] If I go, though, there will be very few other workers to handle everything. [And he's not such a prick that he'd leave them to suffer the work alone.] Would anyone be willing to go in there? Because I would like to do something else now.

Also after this whole ship rearranging thing, it has been a lot of work, I have done a lot of moving, and I would kind of like to play some darts or something. [This grumpy Serb just sounds tired as hell today.] Luckily a game that doesn't require any power to play.

Let me know, ah?

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[ That is... exceedingly fancy, whoa. It's the kind of tech that's bound to be incredibly useful, so he makes a mental note to... investigate into the 'triangle head scientist'? Jesus, everything here is so weird.

That aside, he has to ask: ] You worked with 'Solid Snake'. [ Color Venom curious, okay. ] What did you think of him?

Yeah, we did a ship mission.

You see, there was a planet we were on where the government was acting fishy so we decided to do an infiltration. While I was in on it, I mostly just watched as he moved in and interrogated. He was really good at it.

Though I got to admit, you guys and your boxes. I am surprised that shit worked, and that made it even funnier.

I didn't know someone could move that fast with cardboard over them. Like angry man spy turtle.

[But he does sound fond of his friend.] We used to have a cardboard dart board for when he worked in the cargo bay with me. Used these same fancy darts with it.

Cardboard boxes?

[ Oh my god, here's another revelation: that the affinity for cardboard boxes spans generations. Venom's not inherently attached to them, but he understands the appeal.

Which is probably bizarre to anyone who isn't them, huh. Oh well. ]

They're effective for eluding enemy soldiers. Don't knock them until you try them.

[ why is he defending Solid's honor, also his honor, and the honor of cardboard boxes??? it is a mystery ]

Hey, don't worry. If it works? It works. [He's amused at the defensiveness more than offended.] I'm only so good at stealth. Usually I infiltrate in plane sight. Or I do cover work. Sniping. Back-up. Getaways.

You want an area cleaned up loud and messy, I'm usually that guy.

[ 'Loud and messy' is another way to do things. Depending on the situation, it might even be the better way.

Easing down from his strange need to defend cardboard boxes as a valuable tool in a soldier's arsenal, Venom raises a brow this time, in mild amusement. Niko doesn't really look like the 'loud' type, but then again, who really does? ]

You ever have to stretch those muscles here? [ Stealth, he can understand. But blowing things up??? In space?? Doesn't seem smart, but you do what you have to, he supposes. ]

Not often. Don't know if I look forward to the times I do or not.

[He hands the darts back to Snake when it's his turn, again leaning against the pool table as he waits.]

It's not that I have a problem with fighting, or even dislike it. I just don't like that I feel comfortable with it. I know I'm not supposed to, but I still do.

That's why Snake is a good friend. We talked about it some once, and he said that maybe we fight but we can choose where that fighting goes. Before now, I really couldn't. I had to choose it only where the money came from. Or from where the previous ship that took me made me fight.

Do you know the Cybertronians- the robot people -they played grenade tag with each other while they were planetside? [Just to add a strange "blowing things up" story.]

[ Venom takes the darts from Niko, and deploys them with his bionic in a smooth one-two-three. This time, he's not even going for the bullseye— just a clean hit to 12 o'clock, 3 o'clock, then 6 o'clock. Playing to win isn't a priority.

It's a little difficult for Venom to know what to respond to in this, whether he should address the issue of Solid Snake's character (he thinks he has a good idea), or the. Topic of the giant robots playing grenade tag.

The latter is safer. He goes with that one. ]

...Broken AIs? [ How smart are these robots, anyway??? He's seen someone of them over the network, but... ]

[Niko subtracts Venom's score dutifully, before going to retrieve the darts.]

They're actual intelligences, not fake. They have a thing called a "spark" that is put into their bodies. That's who they are.

But even for actual intelligences they are about as smart as your average teenager sometimes so- It is like a stupid game of hot potato for them. I think Cyclonus, Magnus, Tarn, and Megatron are some of the older ones. A lot of them are pretty young. The older ones were involved in some big civil war.

[He positions to take his shots, squinting down the length of the dart for a moment.]

[ God, if only things made even marginally more sense than they do. Venom is just going to have to accept Niko's words as truth, because there is literally nothing he can say to "giant teenage robots" that doesn't speak for itself.

There's not much input he can give aside from a dubious cock of his head and a resigned half-furrow of his brows. ]

Even robots get caught up in wars, then.

[ Is there ever a scenario in which people aren't constantly fighting each other?? How depressing, that even robots eventually find reasons for murder.

With one of those world-weary shrugs, Venom explores a bit of the lounge while Niko takes his shots. He's still listening, of course. ]

They get married, too. It's not the same way that we see "married", it's swearing a vow to each other. That your fates are bound together. It has a name but I forgot what it was called.

So if one of them liked someone enough to want to be with them for hundreds of years, then they'd make that commitment to each other. Which is kind of nice. It would be shitty for them to only have war.

[Nothing like informing a man that the strange robots wandering around can love. He throws his darts, again rounding out the number to subtract, but this time he waits for Snake to go and get them.]

[ That's... nice, Venom supposes. Some humans don't commit themselves to anything for longer than 2 months, so it's a bit strange to think that giant robots can possess empathy enough to stick with anything for centuries. Fancy that.

His dubiousness translates to a slight uptick up his shoulders, a shrug that doesn't quite make it. He's not here to judge sentient machines to judge what they do, though, so he dutifully moves over to the dartboard and picks the neatly-landed darts out onto his bionic palm. ]

Sounds like you're an expert on robot love.

[ sentences that venom snake never expected to say out loud ]

I got curious and asked.

[Niko tips his head with his own shrug.] I had one of them come to me asking what sex was. You have never had awkward until you tell a big metal man what the birds and bees is.

...Birds and bees is the right English way to say that, yeah?

[ Venom Snake has officially lost control of his life, and incidentally, this conversation. ]

It is, but I doubt robots would have understood that reference.

[ Did Niko have to explain the birds and the bees, too?? Scratch that, don't answer. ]

I don't even understand that reference. As far as I know birds eat bees and only one bee lady gets to have sex so [he throws his hands up, it's a mystery to him, too.]

But they had this big civil war. I don't think I'm really clear on what started it or why they kept fighting it, but they finally made peace. [He blesses V with an escape.]

Theoretically that is. "Peace", as in some of them hold pretty bad grudges against each other. Like this one guy here, one of the real old ones, the Megatron guy, used to be a massive warlord. But reformed and now only wants to stop the fighting. One of his former students, Tarn, showed up who still has the crazy and feels abandoned, hates organic people a lot. And outed him for things that he did a long time ago, just so everyone would hate him.

They get into fights. Some of them really don't like "organics" or don't care about us at all and some of them think we're great.

[ There's a semblance of a sigh here, low, pushed out of the bottom of his stomach. It's not particularly out of any worry or real pressing concern, but it does speak to the quiet exasperation of someone who's heard of similar scenarios playing out in close quarters.

(It's a little pertinent, huh, the abandoned and the outing and the massive warlord thing. It's all relative, though.) ]

As long as they don't bring the ship down, we're not gonna have any problems.

[ please don't let him have to take down another giant robot again ]

Let's hope the reformed robot stays reformed, and that their fights stay in the cargo bay. [ please ]

[Niko snorts.]

Don't get me wrong. A lot of them are pretty good guys. But they're also dumb kids that will sometimes get in fights right out in the hallway where anyone can get hurt.

It sounded like a war zone out on one of the floors once. Made a little pirate girl panic.

[He likes those guys but sometimes they can be stupid.] ...Wait was it my turn? I think it was. [He goes to grab the darts anyway.]

Kids, huh.

[ He repeats that one word, in true Venom Snake fashion (measured and perhaps a bit world-weary), before he turns his attention to the dartboard. ]

—Who's winning? [ Pretty sure it's Niko, by a fucking landslide, but he'll ask just to be sure. ]

I am, but it is your turn. [He says as he looks at the score.]

They can turn into vehicles, too. Like Megatron turns to tank. And Riptide turns to boat.

I think one turned into a motorcycle but I feel sort of weird climbing into or on something that can feel me riding it. And not just "sensor that warns you to put on seatbelt" I mean, "I can talk to you about the weather and get excited about sports scores" smart.

But then again I think they like it sometimes. Like when you got a cute little animal to climb on you. [It's weird to think they might be adorable and small to huge armored vehicle people.]

[ Okay, what the hell is the point of being a bipedal robot if you also turn into cars?? And boats??? Venom will likely never understand how any of this works, but hey, he's not here to be rude about alien robot logic.

Which is why he just stops looking bemused altogether and lands a few more well-aimed hits onto the dartboard. It's nice to know that his ability to hit targets is still reliable. ]

Sounds morbid. [ He says this without much affectation. Niko might note that 'Ahab' is extremely even-tempered, but that's nothing new, huh. Since they were roommates and all. ] You can ride in them, right.

[ Isn't that like wearing their skin??? These robots are too hardcore. ]

I rode in the boat guy.

God that sounds weird to say out loud.

It was a big vacation planet. It reminded me of a space version of Dubrovnik or the French Riviera. It was nice. Even riding around in a robot person. [He subtracts V's points before taking the darts.]

A vacation planet?

[ How many times will V parrot something his conversation partner has already said, the answer is as many times as it takes. ]

That's what counts as this ship's compensation for kidnapping us, huh.

[Niko is friends with Solid Snake, so basically the repitition of words as some sort of confirmation; request for elaboration is a thing he's noticed already. And every time, its all he can do from saying, "Yes, the-" and repeat the words back at him.]

[But that's an asshole thing to do and Niko's not going to lock himself out of explanations he needs later.]

I guess. I don't trust it but I am using it in the hope I can figure out what to do and where to go. I can't go home...

You know, you and other Snake talk alike. I mean you have the same mannerisms. He says a little more but...

[ He 'can't go home'?? What's that about, he'd like to know, but then he'd just be asking questions again (we're all sick of them, Venom) and ignoring that next bit about him and Solid Snake having similar mannerisms.

Admittedly, the thought is a bit morbid; is that a blessing or a curse? Venom's not sure, so he frowns in slight contemplation. ]

Is that right. [ A huff of breath here, slightly dry. ] Don't tell him that.

I won't, but I don't think he cares too much. He wasn't mad at you back when we talked about it. It was mostly just confusing, and a while ago.

Like you both do the tired thing. As if you are pretty wore out. But that's not new. Lots of guys like that. [And they both ask questions like they're on a game show. Pick the right word out of the sentence and they win the bigger explanation prize.]

I would say it sounds like you guys got both fucked by the same bad situation but we all got kind of fucked around here. Which is kind of nice because it means you always got someone that you can say, "Hey this happened," and someone else can go, "Hey this happened to me too." That part is better than people telling you to just "get over it" every time you have to live through something hard.

[Okay maybe that stuff bothers him more than he lets on. The bane of surviving things other people haven't.]

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