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[ Though she's been here for seven long months, this is only Elsa's second time making a network-wide broadcast. She does, admittedly, look a bit nervous as the video feed flicks on, but unlike her first broadcast, she offers the camera a friendly smile. ]

Hello, everyone.

[ For a moment, she falters, wondering if she should introduce herself. That feels somewhat presumptuous, however, so she doesn't take that direction--she'll introduce herself as needed in conversation, instead. Clearing her throat to cover for her stumble over words, she runs a hand quickly through her hair and continues. ]

I intended to post this a bit over a month ago, but with everything that happened last month... There was never a time that felt appropriate. As things seem to be calmer now, however, and we're trying to get rid of clutter, now seems as good a time as any.

In the mail quite a while ago, I received some items that I personally have no use for. I thought perhaps I would offer them to any parties who may be interested.

[ There's some shifting, the camera shaking as Elsa turns her MID to show the desk in front of her with some items lined up on it. On the left, there is an honest to god selfie spoon, which she doesn't understand in the least, and to the right, a pile of hand soaps. Shaped like actual hands. The mail had decided to play a joke on her of some kind, she thinks. ]

As you can see, there are a number of these "hand soaps", and I actually have even more than this... I was given about forty of them, so if anyone is in need of soap, I suppose, please feel free to request one. Or more. I can't possibly use this many, but I'd hate to waste more than necessary...

[ More shaking, and the camera turns back to her face. ]

I'm not certain anyone will want any of this, but if you do...! Please do feel free to say so.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hand soap.

[An eyeroll is somehow incorporated into his tone, because that is a terrible pun.]

I can't say I need any more soap at the moment... maybe you could pack them into the cargo bay as an emergency soap supply.

I received an absurd number of pens a few months ago.

[ Ah, she recognizes that voice! ]

Yes, it's rather absurd. But at least it's still a functional item.

[ Unlike the ridiculous spoon. Terrible puns, she can handle, but that thing... ]

That's a good idea though, I hadn't considered an emergency soap supply. ...All I can do is hope that it won't ever be required.

I've noticed some items come in absurd numbers. It seems so strange to me that they all end up distributed to one person alone in those cases. It would make more sense to spread them out amongst the crew.

[ Though now she's mildly curious as to just how many pens he received in one go. ]

Oh, I suppose the consideration must have been that if I needed five pens, I could also eventually use several dozen. They came in a patisserie box... I would really rather have had the macarons.

[He's not going to complain about the koala cookies he did eventually get, though.]

Was this the first time you've received things?

Well, I'm certain that you could use that many eventually, it still seems ridiculous to me for it all to go to one person.

[ A soft sigh. Is it really worth questioning the strange logic used on the Moira? Probably not. ]

No, not the first. I received mail once before this, but it wasn't nonsensical as this delivery was. The first time, I... I actually received something of mine from home.

I can't say that I disagree with you.

Was the item from home something useful?

[Squints at her MID for like 30 seconds.]

...I don't understand what the first thing is.

Nor do I.

[ She shakes her head, casting a glance over her MID at the object. ]

It has the words "selfie spoon" on it, but I'm not familiar with what "selfie" is.

( those hand soaps tho. THOSE HANDS SOAPS THO. she may be cackling irl over them.

the medbay needs some. shut up. yes it does. cleanliness is important. )

That soap is perfect. What would you want for two or three of them?

[ Well, at least someone is entertained. The pun hasn't been lost on Elsa, but she's been far too confused over why she might need forty of them to be all that amused.

...The medbay seems like the worst possible place for them, though... ]

Oh, I'm not worried about trading for them. There are far too many for that. I'm happy to simply give them to you.

( more like THE BEST place for them. she's doing it. she's so fucking doing it. )

No way! I can't just show up and start taking things from people. Let me write you an IOU at least!

[ Oh no... Someone's going to have a heart attack right in the medbay... ]

You wouldn't be taking it, I'm offering them to everyone for nothing. If you would prefer to trade, I suppose that's fine, but really, it's not necessary.

Well, let's call it an open-ended trade. I don't really have anything of value right now, but if you ever need a favor let me know! It's the least I can do to thank you for giving me a hand. ( haaahahahHAHAHAHA. help. )

Oh, I do work in the medbay though! So if you ever need stitched up, or something, you know who to call. Just don't ask for free drugs or anything like that, that's where I draw the line!

All right, if that's the way you'd prefer to do it. An open-ended trade it is.

[ Just... going to ignore the pun. ]

I can assure you I won't be asking for free drugs. The rest, however, I'll be certain to keep in mind. Would you like to meet up for them now? Or is there another time that works better for you? I work in cryo, so I can always bring them with me to the medbay when I come in.

What do you want for them?

Nothing at all! There are so many of the soaps that I'm hardly concerned with trading each one for something.

Fortunate, then. When and where should I take them?

You're free to come and pick them up now, if you'd like. I'm in Mero Deck, room #014.

Or we can set up a place and time to meet, if you'd prefer.

If you don't mind, Elsa, I would like one of the hand soaps. I believe that Saitama-sensei will appreciate the visual pun.

Of course! I don't mind at all. It's kind of you, thinking of your friend. He enjoys pun-based humour?

Saitama-sensei has a rather large collection of gag gifts, predominantly t-shirts. But I believe he will enjoy some soaps.

[Especially since they're free.]

It does sound as though it might be his cup of tea.

[ Though "gag gifts" are still a new thing to her. ]

I can deliver one to you anytime, or you're free to come and pick it up yourself, if you prefer.

I'll come grab a few of them. Are they all only right hands?

Oh, uhm.

[ A pause, and she sifts through the pile of hand-shaped soaps. ]

Yes, it appears that way. That's not a problem, is it?

Not at all. If there had been a matching left hand, I would have gotten two. I believe one will suffice.

Oh, it's almost a shame there aren't any left ones. But of course! I have one set aside for you, in that case.

Thank you, Elsa. I will be there shortly.

Hands soaps. It's nice to see that someone has a sense of humor.

[And not too morbid. At least they're not made out of, god forbid, actual real dismembered hands or anything.]

I'll take one, if you don't mind.

The Ingress does seem to have a sense of humour of sorts. Whether or not it's a good one, I'm not so sure...

[ Considering what it seems to think of as a joke sometimes is far from funny. Although in this case, it's not so bad. Just... over the top. Really, forty hand pun soaps is far too many. ]

But I don't mind at all! I'm simply happy there are people here with an interest in them.

At least it's something useful. And it's nice that you're willing to share.

I'm Karen.

Yes, that's true. Though it's hard to not be willing to share when you have forty of a single item.

[ Amusement plays in her features, but the smile she wears is friendly. ]

It's lovely to meet you, Karen. I'm Elsa.

I think it might be surprising. [Karen laughs a little.] If I had forty pints of rocky road right about now...

[She trails off to consider.]

Okay, I might share one or two.

[ Elsa chuckles quietly, nodding. ]

No matter how good something is, forty pints is a pretty large amount. I certainly couldn't eat that much ice cream on my own, and I think I'd prefer to share it, anyway.

[The handsoap has Toriel in stitches, when she finally replies her voice is light from laughter.] Dear- I, I need some of that hand soap. Goodness. That is too perfect.

[ The amount of amusement the soaps have received is surprising, but not at all in a bad way. To hear someone sound so happy perks Elsa up and has her smiling. ]

You're more than welcome to some of it! There's more than enough to go around. I'm so glad there are some here who appreciate the pun more than I do.

[ Not that she doesn't, exactly, she's just been confused and overwhelmed by forty of them to find them all that amusing. ]

Thank you- truly. I will admit I laughed quite hard when I saw those soaps.

Personalized soap would certainly encourage my children to wash up before meals a bit more as well. They are fans of puns as well.

I'm so happy to hear that. It feels as though we could all use a laugh, even at something so small and silly.

Of course! If it encourages manners, all the better. Would you like one for each of your children? You can have one for yourself, as well, if you'd like. I'm not limiting the number one person can take, particularly if they're going to get some use.

[He knew he loved you for a reason, Elsa.]

sweetheart, i'm here to buy you out.

Edited 2016-08-07 00:13 (UTC)

I'm hoping that's an exaggeration. You don't actually want all of them, do you?

[ She knows you like puns, Sans, but honestly... ]

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