x2 | video.

[t65]

[The video feed shows Luke in a bed, clearly in medical. He leans in, and, with a finger over his lips, hushes the camera.]

I don't think they want me talking to anyone. I think they want me to just... sit here. I, ha- what do you do when you're not supposed to... do anything? I mean, anything. They don't want me to- to work on anything, or fix anything. Or walk.

[Clearly this has nothing to do with the fact that he's already tried to sneak out of medical once already. He winces his way through a smile.]

Do you know anything about the big droids? I mean, the really big ones. They call themselves Cybercon-... Aut-... [He shakes his head, and then winces.] They call themselves a lot of things.

[He looks around, this time much more slowly.] But- shh, I don't think they want me talking to anyone.

[ooc For those of you brave souls who want to visit Luke when he's bored, concussed and with a few broken ribs, feel free.]

Comments

[t65]

[Luke considers this for half a second.]

If it were serious, I wouldn't be in medical. [He'd still be on Amissis-Re, doing... whatever it is that got him here in the first place.] Is- is something wrong?

[He means, is something else going on that he's missed? The Force and the advanced medical technology on the Moira combine to leave Luke conscious enough of his surroundings-- and his current failings-- to be suspicious. Why is Anakin acting like this?]

cue disparaging dad voice

[ex_forcechoke292]

Is something wrong? You could have died! Yes, something's--!

[There's only a short inhale this time, the pretense of control. It's about as effective as every other blown technique for calm he's used thus far.]

How do you not trust me enough to admit that? You tell me.

you sure don't sound like james earl jones

[t65]

You can't- You don't know I could have died. [Far from being angry in return, Luke just continues on, confused, until Anakin gives him an order. Luke isn't really great with orders from people he does trust and respect, much less... well, the man who will become Darth Vader.]

[He narrows his eyes.] You're acting strange.

[video; private] rude, so grounded

[ex_forcechoke292]

I'm acting strange? You're the one assuming your loss wouldn't matter. I am not losing anyone else. Not again.

[He hadn't intended it like that--like a demand--but the anger doesn't have another direction except being stuck in his throat. It finally gives away, in the face of Luke's continued confusion, breaking off into the pieces of himself that feel nothing anymore but grief compounded.]

I am trying, Luke. But I have lived through enough distrust to know what it looks like.

[You're my son, he thinks, wryly. Subtlety is not ours.]

[perma video, perma private] ugh you're not his real- wait shit.

[t65]

[Luke thinks, through something like a haze, this is about his mother. He wonders, absently, how much of Vader can be blamed on someone else he's never met. It's a thought bitter enough that he wouldn't come across it, normally, but today is anything but normal.]

I don't... even know what you're trying. And I'm not- there was no loss, I said that.

[ex_forcechoke292]

What you've said pales in comparison to what I'm seeing. [Which is his son broken, battered, and wounded, and it kills him. A little more every moment.]

I don't know how you've convinced yourself that I won't care.

[That realization alone is almost more gutting than Luke being in the medbay to begin with.]

[t65]

[Luke is not the world's most tactful person, but he's usually more tactful than this. He usually knows not to say things like this. He usually knows well enough not to let things like this slip.]

[But here we are.]

Why would you care?

[There is the smallest, smallest amount of anger there, but mostly? It's genuine confusion.]

[ex_forcechoke292]

[Anakin just stares that the feed for a long moment, completely speechless. There's an urge in there somewhere to just cut it off, payback for how emotionally amputated he suddenly feels--and were this anyone else, he would.

Lacking trust usually gets paid in kind.

But his fingers don't move. The feed sits on that uninterrupted silence for a lot longer than it should. When he does finally speak, the words have a shaken edge, all the frustrated tears his not giving into right now. Beyond their edge, the words are sharp, focused, even intense.]

Because that is what family does.

[Something that clearly only matters to one of them. (Had Owen done this to him, or something else? How had he died to leave Luke so alone? To leave this as his legacy?)]

[t65]

[The worst part is, Luke agrees with him. He'd do anything, anything for Leia. If she were in his shoes, he'd be just as upset by the idea of her thinking he didn't care.]

[But she's never cut off any of his limbs, so the point is moot.]

I should be. But you- you- [have done so many terrible things- Even now, Luke knows better than to say that.] You've never... met us.

[It sounds weak even to him, but he can't think of anything better.]

[ex_forcechoke292]

I don't see how that matters.

[It certainly hadn't with Leia. At least not to this level of distrust, even when he'd inadvertently insulted her adopted family. There's so much in this that doesn't make sense.]

But you're right. I hadn't. I might...not. [Both his words and expression both tighten at the admission. He's painfully aware of how absent he is in any history. Of how even his best friend will pronounce him gone. Dead.] I cannot apologize for something I haven't done. But I'm here, now.

[Trying to make this right.]

I can't change--I can't fix this without you letting me.

[This is like trying to argue with the Council. It's a wall he's starting to assume is never coming down. But he can't not try.]

[t65]

I don't- you can't fix it. [That seems obvious, mostly because Luke has lost the thread of the conversation. You can't fix cutting off his hand, he means. You can't fix being Vader.]

[But he does understand the idea of not being able to repent for something you haven't done yet.]

I- you're right, though. You haven't done anything yet, probably. [He's mostly muttering to himself, but enjoy that.] I don't know who you are, either.

[ex_forcechoke292]

Always in motion, the future is. [It's not a flawless rendition of Yoda's stilted speech, that impression is best left in Obi-Wan's hands, but the point still stands. Despite a few fundamental differences, there are still tenets he chooses to take wholesale, and in the case of changing events to avoid whatever this separation between then is, Yoda's oft' reminded words are about the only thing he has left to cling to.

Especially now, knowing that even Yoda is presumably dead, among the countless bodies they didn't have time to mourn in that brief stint in the temple the day prior.

He sighs, and takes that "probably" as a wound with the rest of it. The distrust is already open and apparent, why not take that knife and twist it?]

If you don't want this, that's-- [Fine? No, this is the opposite of fine. This isn't how anything is supposed to work, supposed to feel. But he can't force it. That's not how love works either.] But none of that changes how I feel. None of it. Don't dare tell me I don't care.

[t65]

[Of all the lessons Luke's learned from Yoda, that one is possibly the most prescient. It certainly stuck the most, given the abominable cost. Luke's eyes grow wide with the realization, that this is what his father means.]

[Later, maybe, he'll think better of it. The last time he tried to change the future, everything was made worse by his attempt. But now, all he wants is his father, untainted by Vader's looming presence.]

I didn't say I didn't want it, I... I always wanted... [He's not sure how to finish that thought.] I meant I don't know you. I've been putting off learning, I don't... want to anymore. Put it off, I mean.

[Does that make sense? He's not sure any of it made any sense. He's suddenly very tired, but he can't sleep just yet.]

[ex_forcechoke292]

[Then why are you pushing away? It's the logical question that might go here were Luke's father anyone with a modicum of patience. Unfortunately, Anakin lacks that in spades, and the little he does possess is hanging by its last thread, taxed upon by loss upon loss and the weight of a lightsaber he shouldn't have hanging on his back.

Compounded, it's too much. He knows when he's being pushed, what a "no" looks like, even when it isn't one. Everything here hurts. Everything here is exactly as it shouldn't be. It's a failure to not push back, and he knows that too. But right now...

Right now, he lets it happen. He has regret enough. What's one more added to that growing list?]

Let me know when you figure that out. [It's clipped, harsh, and doesn't come with much softness in its understanding, because it isn't really understanding at all. It's as much of a concession as Anakin knows how to give, all bitterness and resignation. The second part, before he cuts the feed, however, slips closer.]

Get well.