thisavrou | [May 19th] Text/Video

[Locked FROM the Lost Light Crew]

[A lot happens in the short time he's been gone, and Tailgate's still wrapping his head around it. Several things are very clear, though, and the first thing Tailgate does when he gets back is angrily rip up that photo and toss it out the garbage chute. It doesn't make him feel good, but it's better than nothing.

In the end, he has so many questions. And he can't ask the people closest to him because he can't handle admitting how terribly, and completely, he had been manipulated. For something like this, it feels better to ask things from complete strangers.]

What do you do when you find out that the person you had spent months with turns out to be an absolute gearstick? No, that's not even the right or strongest word to use. What I should be asking is, what do you do when you found out that someone who told you that they cared about you, and offered to be your conjunx endura, turned out to be using you? What if he separated you from your friends and told you all sorts of terrible lies? What if he told you to prove your love to him by hurting someone else? What kind of person does that?

And how do you recover from it?

[Because he doesn't know. No one had ever paid attention to him the same way Getaway has, and every part of him feels crushed and kicked around. His shame over the matter is great enough that he carefully locks this conversation from his Lost Light crewmates. There's not much reason for it, truthfully, other than to hide the extent of how mind-blowingly stupid he is.]

[Locked TO The Lost Light Crew]

[But of course, there are some mind-blowingly stupid things he's done recently that he can't hide, and Tailgate chooses now to reveal them. This time he locks his post to his Lost Light crewmates, and puts on his bravest face.]

I have a confession to make.

[Instantly, his brave face crumbles.]

I'm... I'm...

I followed Tarn into his world. Yes, I know it was stupid, but while I was there... Um. Well...

Maybe it'll be better to show you.

[He turns his camera so that the purple badge on his chest can be seen. After a moment, he moves the camera back to his face.]

Please don't be angry. I... Tarn said I should, and I just... couldn't say no.

I'm sorry.

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Cyclonus.

Can we... talk somewhere? Please? Alone?

Of course. [If there's a bit of hesitation there it's because he's... not well. And he hasn't had a chance yet to tell Tailgate that he's... not well.]

I'm in our room.

[Tailgate doesn't hesitate and arrives in their room a few minutes later. It feels like it's been forever since he's been here last, but in reality it couldn't have been more than a few days.]

Cyclonus!

[He says his name again and he nervously edges towards him.]

I know about Getaway, and what he did. I'm... I'm sorry for not believing you, I hope you can...

[What words can really be said here? He doesn't know if anything he has is strong enough to describe what he's feeling about this, and how he's feeling about Cyclonus. Cyclonus came for him, saved him, and nearly died himself as a result. Tailgate can't imagine what he'd ever done to deserve such a good friend.]

[Cyclonus doesn't rise to greet Tailgate when he enters, not trusting his legs not to shake and not wanting to show his weakness. Not yet.

So he remains kneeling and nods his greeting, hands stilling from where they were polishing his Great sword, his other blade from Miller resting on the floor at his side.

His hands clench at the mention of Getaway, dark rage boiling in his once-again tainted spark. He pushes it aside.]

It is good that you know. [It would have been kinder for Tailgate not to realize, but kinder isn't always what's best.] But how-?

I... I don't know, really. I woke up in cyro, but I remembered everything. I know exactly how you got those holes in your back and... and everything.

[Tailgate is so caught up in his own sadness that he doesn't immediately notice that Cyclonus is somehow even less spry than usual. It's only when he starts to approach Cyclonus that he starts to realize that something is wrong. He's not sure what it is though, it's just a feeling that something is off.

He puts his hand on Cyclonus's shoulder, a frown curves his visor downwards with concern.]

Is something wrong Cyclonus? You seem... not well. Are you sick?

[Oh no! And they don't have a doctor! This is terrible!]

[Cyclonus is ready to apologize to Tailgate for allowing the Getaway Incident to get to the point it did when the small hand touches his shoulder. He stiffens. He's not ready yet to tell Tailgate about his... illness, but having been asked about it he's not about to lie.

A part of him, unfair and bitter, wonders why Tailgate couldn't have been this perceptive about Getaway.]

I... I went through the Ingress at Amissis-re. I had hoped it would show me Cybertron as it once was. Instead I found myself in the Dead Universe.

And... And what does that mean?

[Tailgate asks. Dread takes hold of his spark and slowly grows outward.]

Will you be okay? Will you get better?

[Deeply worried now, holds up his free hand and gently puts it on Cyclonus' face. This isn't how he imagined this meeting would go. He wanted to charge in, apologize to Cyclonus for being stupid, and then, maybe, have the two of them profess their affection to each other.

Obviously that's not going to happen.]

[Optics dark, Cyclonus presses his cheek slightly into Tailgate's hand.]

It means I am dead, though not in the traditional sense. I can no longer survive in a living universe, so over time I will waste away and eventually expire.

[It's a good thing Cyclonus is a sensitive individual and not at all blunt.]

So... you're a zombie?

[Of all the things that first come to mind, this really shouldn't be the first. Tailgate's seen way too many human movies.]

[Cyclonus's optics snap on and he just stares at Tailgate for awhile.]

...I am not a 'zombie'. I am- [Undead? A dead man walking? No longer alive but still kicking?]

...

[He pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to change the subject, reaching out to tap Tailgate's chest.]

Tell me about this.

Oh, that's nothing.

[Tailgate says, unwilling to change the subject so quickly.]

Tarn told me to get it, so I did. I didn't have a choice.

[If Cyclonus pays attention, he might notice that his little minibot is lying to him.]

But nevermind that. I want to know how much time you have. I can't lose you now! Not when... Hm.

[Cyclonus is feeling too protective at the moment to notice the fib.

There's a growl in his voice and a dangerous flare to his optics.] Did he threaten you?

[The glow fades back and he sighs.]

The first time the wasting took years. I'm uncertain if it will be the same this time.

[His hands drift to his sword. It has occurred to him that perhaps he should end his suffering now before the weakness takes him. There's the chance that he word return renewed...]

[If Tailgate knew that Cyclonus was on that line of thinking, he'd put an end to it right there and then.]

Yeah, but it's fine Cyclonus. You don't... You don't need to do anything to him. Besides, I'm way stronger than you now, I bet I could take Tarn on if he tries to pull anything.

I hope you'll let me take care of you for once. After everything you've ever done to me, you deserve that much.

[There's a reason he's not likely to bring it up with Tailgate.]

It's not fine. I won't tolerate threats to you. Just because I'm in a weakening state doesn't mean I can't-

[Wait hold up a second]

...'way stronger' than me.

Oh. You didn't know? I figured since you knew about Getaway...

[Tailgate visibly brightens and he flexes his robot muscles.]

I could totally powerlift you right now and it'd be nothing.

You were unconscious following a panic attack the last time I saw you before arriving here.

[Sorry Tailgate, but the look he's giving you is distinctly dubious. It's not that he thinks Tailgate would make up self-aggrandizing facts it's just that... Tailgate has been known to do that.]

[That's perfectly true, but this time Tailgate fully intends to prove himself honest. For this one thing anyway.

His visor curves upwards smugly as he leans over, finds a good grip on Cyclonus' plating, and, almost effortlessly, hoists the much bigger bot over his head.]

See?

Much, much stronger.

[This is one of those times Cyclonus is actually speechless rather than just silent. You can tell by the way his mouth opens and closes several times but no words come out.

Finally:] Put me down, Tailgate.

[May 19th] Text/Video

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