text backdated to July 2nd; HEY TECH PEOPLE

[ascendit]

i'm no good with tech and not much better with magic, but i have a device that's supposed to do universe travel when it's not broken. if someone working on the ingress wants to have a look at it and play around with it, see if you can copy something that might help, go for it

cos i'm sick of evacuating my treehouse

[Well, no, he's not offering up the device which is his only way of using magic and also a solid barrier between him and death just because he's tired of evacuating. He's doing it for everyone here, because the twin planets' reliance on the Ingress has become immediately and tangibly clear since its outage, and if he has something that might help fix it, he's going to offer it.]

[OOC plotting comment about this offer if you want to use it as a springboard!]

01 ☂ Voice; (backdated to sun's out, fun's out event)

[chaoticluptral]

[A woman's voice comes over the network. She sounds annoyed. Like she's been waiting and waiting for something and now that it's finally happened, she has to collect herself.]

Yes, hello? Is this the Customer Service line? I've been trying to call your shit for days now. I know that the sun is out and everything but that doesn't mean you can not answer the phone! If the sun goes out, who else am I gonna call? I've got to report this service outage to someone. The sun going out is also kinda unprofessional. I'm not exactly feeling confident in you guys here.

Anyway, my complaint is as follows. I need to get off this plane of existence like right fucking now. And I know that it's probably not your fault who you pick up and drop off here, it's just policy and blah blah blah but it's very important that I get back to the plane of existence I was on before. I want to return this kidnapping for a full refund.

I hate to show up and run without wrecking any shit as is my thing, but this is kind of getting in the way of what I'm trying to do. Which is literally ONE JOB. I had one fucking job and this makes it look like I can't do one job. So for the sake of my resume and the universe, send me back.

Also some asshole owes me 15 dollars and I need to collect. Priorities and all.

Yes, that's it. Thank you for your time. But next time if this complaint doesn't go through, I'm gonna ask for your goddamn manager!

((No TAZ spoilers really in the post but some might always appear in the comments, I will try to warn for anything in the subject head!))