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[stantheman]

I really like birds. My favorite is the evening grosbeak male but the female is pretty cool too.

One of my friends is teaching me how to make bird sounds but I really suck at it and I'm still trying to do the first one she showed me. I'm better at bird watching.

What's your favorite animal? Do you have a hobby you that's related to them?

That's another thing I love about birds. It's a whole thing.

Comments

[stantheman]

[ Stan exhales heavily when Richie looks at him and he drops his bag to the side before moving to drop down onto the couch. He's a little less put together than he might normally be.

He thinks about setting this up somehow but he doesn't know how. ]

When It came back, I killed myself instead coming back. So everything that happened... if I'd been there...It's my fault.

[ Graceful. ]

[beeped]

Wait, what the fuck?

[Stan just comes out and says it so bluntly and quickly that Richie feels like he just got whiplash. Is this a joke? If so, it isn't funny, and Richie's left staring. He just really doesn't have words for this.

Not when he can't believe his ears.]

whoops should have cw: suicide above

[stantheman]

[ The thing is, Stan's not sure he would get around to telling Richie had he not just blurted it out. He's ashamed of it and he feels guilty and like everything that it appears happens after his own death is somehow too his fault. There's no tell for a joke because he's as serious as he could possibly be. ]

I can't really say it more plainly...

[beeped]

That's the problem, Stanley! [Is he shrieking? Almost definitely, especially now that it's starting to sink in.] You can't--you can't say that shit plainly.

Oh my god. Oh my god [He covers his mouth as his chest heaves, staring at Stan with wide-eyes.]

[stantheman]

[ Stan doesn't know exactly what to do with Richie reacting like this. It's really a tiny part of the reason he hadn't wanted to talk about it to anyone. He can barely handle himself.

And he hadn't known how else to say it to him... ]

Richie calm down... please. [ His hands are fisted tight, pressed down against the couch. ] Please...?

[ He furrows his brow in thought, searching for some way to comfort him. ]

I'm sorry...

[beeped]

H-how can I calm down? You ki-- [Richie can't even bring himself to say it. This is beyond his comprehension for so many reasons. He struggles to keep the nausea at bay. He just hates this so much, it doesn't sound like the Stan he knows.

It hurts. And then Richie's launching himself at Stan, throwing his arms around him in a fierce hug.] Why?

[stantheman]

[ Stan at least is glad that he's not about to burst into tears again, he thinks. He doesn't think that would help Richie at all but then again he doesn't know anything that would help him.

He's struggling for words when suddenly Richie is hugging him. He feels like it knocks the air out of him at first and then his eyes feel wet and he blinks rapidly before his arms are around Richie, hugging him back. ]

Why...what exactly? [ He asks, his voice a little thick. ]

[beeped]

Why'd you kill yourself! [He's able to say it this time, and it upsets him even more. He doesn't know how, he's not sure he wants to know. It's bad enough knowing what Eddie looks like after he dies. He doesn't want see Stan's body too, every time he closes his eyes.] Why are you b-being such a dumbass about this?

[stantheman]

[ Stan didn't know exactly what to say to either of the questions. He doesn't let Richie go because he doesn't think his words will bring any comfort. He's not sure holding him does either. He doesn't really feel comforted, just more guilty and ashamed and utterly unworthy of Richie even giving a shit about him. ]

Because I couldn't do it... I couldn't go back, Richie.

[ It's hard to explain when he doesn't really fully understand suicide yet. He doesn't understand mental health in an productive manner but he's trying. He's trying because he wants to fix himself. ]

I'm not being a dumbass...