video 03 | Black Lung

[clussy]

(There has been plenty on Eddie's mind lately, and most of it he has been able to discuss with close friends and the Losers. There is one thing, however, that he had seen in his future that he cannot wrap his mind around. It's also shameful enough that he doesn't quite want to talk about it with anyone who could figure out what he's talking about. So he takes to the network.

It's a steady video, and this time, it's just Eddie. He's back at his unit, looking a little better than he has the last few times people might have seen him. He isn't quite looking at the camera. Instead, he's got the classic expression of a child who feels guilty. Eyes darting here and there, brow furrowed up but trying to smooth out, and twitchy mouth.)

Um. I don't really know how to phrase this exactly.

(He had something written down, and he glances at it. It still makes him go a little red. This was going to be embarrassing, but he really needed to figure some things out.)

So, let's say, theoretically... (Because that's never an obvious way to begin a question.) There's this person in a place where you married whoever you want because it's your choice to marry whoever you want.

(Eddie is aware of the concept of arranged marriage and he wants to clarify this isn't about that.)

Why would someone choose to marry someone that...they don't love at all? Or someone they're not attracted to? And I know some people marry for money- but what if it isn't about that either?

Why would someone do that? What if they married someone who- (Was a carbon copy of their mother? That's far too telling. He clears his throat.) Who...reminded them of someone...not good?

Comments

Voice;

[tearmeanewone]

[Tough question, especially given Elizabeth can't imagine ever being married to anyone. But, she does have one shining example of marriage to refer back to.]

I knew someone who married a man who was a terrible human being, and at the beginning she did it because it gave her some solace about the life she'd led previously. Sometimes I guess we tie ourselves to a person because they fill some need-- even if it's temporary. Even if they have other traits we consider to be 'not good'.

Voice;

[clussy]

(Well if that answer didn't hit the nail on the head. It's something he had feared was the case, and hearing it confirmed makes him sweat bullets.)

What if all their traits aren't good? Maybe not terrible but...

(Maybe that was getting too specific though. Eddie reels it back in and changes tactic.)

Did your friend ever get away from that person? You said 'at the beginning'.

> action

[beeped]

[Didn't Richie once insist that he was the relationship guru? He'd absolutely given Stan solid advice before, and after watching this video that Eddie made, Richie decides he has to extend his wealth of wisdom to his best friend.

Richie might act like he's stupid, but he's smart enough to know that if Eddie's asking something theoretically there's got to be a reason for it. What sort of reason? Fuck if Richie knows. Maybe Eddie read something in a book. He's not immediately assuming it has anything to do with their futures, but he's also actively trying not to think about it too much either.

He announces himself loudly be dramatically opening the door to their room. He flops onto Eddie's bed, laying on his side and tucking his head against the palm of his hand.]

You know that person you were talking about? They're probably just really good at sucking dick and that's why the other person married them.

[clussy]

(When Richie bursts into his room shortly after the video is made, Eddie is not particularly surprised. He mostly ignores Richie up until he can't anymore, and then he's turning to look at him.

Enjoy the floor Richie, because Eddie gives an ear-piercing shriek that Hawke & Company no doubt can hear a few doors down as he shoves Richie off the bed and onto the floor. His entire face goes positively red.)

I DO NOT-!

(He begins to scream before clamping his mouth shut solidly and glaring down at Richie. He didn't want to think of any part of that. He didn't want to imagine a woman like that- oh God. And the initial implication Eddie had assumed was- was-!

For good measure, Eddie begins to throw some of the paperback books from the library off from his bed and at Richie.)

Don't be so gross! That isn't the case anyway! Are you stupid? I said there was no attraction! Jeez!

video;

[sketchycharacter]

[This is super obviously not a hypothetical scenario, but pointing that out is just going to make the kid self-conscious.]

People do things for a lot of reasons that don't always make sense from the outside. Could be because the person thinks getting married is what they should be doing, and that person was there at the right time. Or they might have at least liked the person at first and things changed. Marriage is more complicated than most people think.

video;

[clussy]

(A true hero, frankly. Eddie doesn't recognize this adult man, but somehow hearing advice from an adult man on the subject makes Eddie go rather quiet and serious.

It's difficult to determine things in full when he only knows part of his future. He purses his lips together, staring down off the camera and into his lap.)

I guess. They did get married pretty old, I think. And it was after their mother died. Or around when she died. I don't know. (Seemed that way. It was a pretty strange vision.)

...Are you married?

audio;

[a_shadow]

[ There are elements of this question that hit close to home. Tex is just the memory of the woman who married Leonard, which is part of the reason she distances herself from Church when he's around. But sometimes she wonders if she's doing that to be overly contrary.

In any case, that's not quite what he's talking about. So Tex answers more generically. ]

People get married for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily ones that make sense. Especially if the culture around them tells them they have to.

audio;

[clussy]

(Truthfully, Eddie doesn't fully understand his own potential future at all. There's a lot more worth unfolding than he feels comfortable admitting to a bunch of strangers and friends- even. Especially friends, maybe, due to how close it hit to home for Eddie himself.

He chews at his lip, considering Tex and the relationship that they had. She was a good woman, he thinks, and after she had seen...the leper, Eddie oddly feels more trusting of her than most adults. It was his most private memory, and she hadn't treated him weirdly for it. That meant...everything to him, frankly.)

What do you mean about the culture part exactly?

text;

[nishizono]

because whatever you get out of that marriage is more important to you than shitty things like love.

text;

[clussy]

I really don't know if there even IS anything being gotten out of the marriage though besides maybe okay food?


And I know that the person in question definitely doesn't care THAT much about food.

(All of those potential benefits just didn't outweigh the whole part where he marries a woman who looks and acts just like his mom. That was enough to ruin his appetite forever.)

video;

[shiro2hero]

Man, you never ask the easy questions, do you?

[He's not upset about it, though, just shaking his head a bit.]

What brought this on?

video;

[clussy]

Trust me, I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important.

(Though Eddie does kind of smile a little.)

I'm here to be a challenge, I guess.

(Not really, but Eddie knows it's probably not easy to deal with being badgered with questions all the time.)

Um. (He pinches his mouth together because. Well. Simply put? He trusted Shiro.) I dunno how to make a video thing private. But I can tell you if you do.

video;

[seeingscarlet]

[Theoretically. Right.]

Sometimes people only see what they want to. And sometimes people don't show themselves until it is too late.

video;

[clussy]

(He tries his absolute best. His absolute best just wasn't that good sometimes.)

Oh.

(His reaction is rather soft at that and he winds up staring off camera for some time. It was the last part, really, that sank some quiet understanding into him. Though he doesn't quite wrap his mind around it fully just yet.)

That's...a pretty sad way to live a life, huh? Is there even any way you can fix that sorta thing?

video;

[redshitlord]

Uhhh... cause... I dunno, dude!

What's married anyway?

video;

[clussy]

(Well.


Those thoughts about marriage go temporarily out the window. Eddie's jaw works a bit uselessly and comically before snapping shut.)

I- I don't...It's when...a man and a woman ...

(What the fuuuuck is he looking at?)

What are you? (And here Eddie had thought he had gotten better about these reactions.)

video;

[spacerhyme]

[ what an oddly specific question. he starts off gently— ]

Well, that rather depends on their circumstances.

Marriage can be very messy and complicated. Because people are messy and complicated. Sometimes people feel they haven't got any other choice, or they've convinced themselves they're making the right one... Familiarity's a powerful thing, too.

[ and then blinks, tilts his head at the screen, ] You're a bit young to be thinking of marriage, aren't you?

video;

[clussy]

(The Doctor had made an impressive impression on Eddie that instantly has Eddie paying attention the moment he recognizes his face. He might have sneaked into a few of the Doctor's weird space and time classes too (as he still thought they were for older kids).

It isn't the first response he hears about marriage being complicated. The fifties made it seem very simple, honestly. Pretty pastel dresses, a nice hot apple pie on the window sill, and the husband home at five on the dot. The American Dream.

His eyes widen fractionally at the mention of 'familiarity' though.)

What do you mean by familiar?

(He clings to that rather fast.)

I guess. But we were all seeing our futures the other week and I saw some stuff with my friends and it...got me thinking is all. (Not specifying himself. Taking a broad stance here instead.)

video;

[magneticfields]

Sometimes a person can think that they're meant to be with somebody forever, but later realize they were wrong.

[and then get stuck with them on a God-forsaken space station]

Also, divorce is expensive.

video;

[clussy]

Oh...trust me. That wasn't the case here.

(He sort of grimaces at the very idea.)

Divorce is also bad. You can't do that if you make a vow in front of God and everything. (No take-backsies, Erik. That and the fifties pretty much loathed the idea of divorce so. Go figure.)

[sleepdarts]

How many reasons would you like?

[clussy]

Um

All? Is that an option.

video;

[coercive]

[Laura wonders if maybe Stan told Eddie what he saw of her future with him. She almost doesn't respond because of that. But then she thinks maybe it isn't about that at all, because a single kiss doesn't mean that you're married. Does it?]

Maybe they were confused.

[Because she knows she sure is, with all this crush stuff.]

video;

[clussy]

(If only. Truthfully, Eddie didn't care too much about Stan's crush on Laura beyond their initial talk of Eddie asking Stan not to do weird stuff in the unit. He already had to sit through Ben waxing literal poetry of Bev.

It's nice to see Laura though, and he feels a little less uncomfortable with a kid answering this. A little less like he'd be figured out.

Her answer however makes him reel.)

Confused? Confused how? (His voice is a little shrilly, and he doesn't mean for it to be. But that suggestion somehow made him feel- weird.)

text ; private

[ex_bossily211]

[For Clara, it's strange to see Eddie talking about any of this. Her concern quickly goes from mild teacher worry to mama bear in a matter of seconds. ]

Eddie, is there someone here that's talking to you about marriage? Or does this have to do with the things people have been seeing around here in recent weeks?

text ; private

[clussy]

(Two things here: This was Clara, and Clara was wise enough to lock this message into a private one. This leads to Eddie feeling automatically comfortable. He might not know how to make things private yet, but he at least understands that this was now private.

So he can be more honest. Especially since it was Clara.)

No, no one's talking to me about it. Me and my friends all saw our futures. And a part of my future involved me marrying a woman who was a lot like my mom. And I was still thinking I was really sick and she helped feed into that and it was just

I really am trying to fix myself and to see that in the future I'm worse than I've ever been really sucked. The lady didn't seem mean

But she also couldn't be that nice either if she was encouraging something so bad right?

audio

[otiosity]

It's a good opportunity to wear a fancy dress and drink too much wine. Though an irresponsible reason for a good opportunity.

[BAD JOKE. She knows it. And she knows why he's asking this.]

Eddie is this... No, wait.

[There's a pause where she can be heard moving and talking to someone male in the background. There's a bit of back and forth between them, some shuffling, and then the conversation switches to private. Hawke may have been here for nearly two years but she was still no techie.]

There. Is this about what you saw? Your future?

audio; private

[clussy]

I'm not really the one wearing the fancy dress.

(Although the idea of a fancy suit wasn't entirely off-putting, he'd admit.

He is glad that she makes the call private instead. Honesty with Hawke came easily after everything that Eddie's gone through with her. The demon, their memories, the future, her comfortable and appropriate way of helping him feel a little bit better about the human body. She was just. A good person for Eddie, and he liked to think maybe he could be a good person for her too.

He's quiet for a moment. The future is still a very tender spot. He cannot talk about it lately, he's come to realize, at least not the future she's thinking of.)

Yes. But...I technically saw two. I saw...the one...with Bill and Richie, but I also saw a future when I went there with Stan. It had to do with me marrying this...woman. And she was in every way like my mom. And I mean every way.

I was convinced I was sick all over again. But worse than ever before. She made it worse too. It was-. It was awful. (Not as bad as the future that had broken him, of course, but it was still really depressing to think that all the hard work he's been trying to put into being better could possibly go down the drain. That and there were several things about the memory that made him uncomfortable, some that he didn't entirely understand.)

Action

[shipsandsealingwax]

[The question may not have the same impactful relevance to Bill as it does for Eddie, but it resonates with him, and with the thoughts he's been dwelling on whenever he focuses on the glimpse of the future that had been his alone. He stares at the network a while, and considers going to talk to Eddie in person until he hears the unmistakable sounds of both boys in there together.

As a result, it is hours later before Bill manages to go and sit on the edge of Eddie's bed, drawing his feet up with him and watching his friend in silence a moment.]

I think some p-people might just w-w-want to feel safe. So they marry something familiar. S-something that doesn't feel like a r-risk. Or just makes them r-remember something. Maybe something they forgot... or d-don't want to.

[Bill isn't speaking of Eddie, though. He's been trying to think since Eddie's question showed up, about what might have made him choose Audra, and why he reacted to Beverly the way he did, when he saw her again.

It was a scummy feeling, like the surface of old, still water. It made him squirmy on the inside and uncomfortable, but there was something eating at Eddie, and Bill wanted to help, if he could.

He always did.]

[clussy]

(Eddie had been so caught up in everything that he had honestly forgotten what else Bill could have possibly seen in his own future. He had spoken to Richie about his, but it had not yet occurred to him to ask Bill. It would though. It's a wise choice on Bill's part to remain at bay. Delicate conversations are had, and their voices fall very soft at some point. There was a frequency range to Eddie and Richie. Their room growing silent was a tell-tale sign that privacy was necessary.

But after some time, Richie does leave, and Eddie is left on his bed, laying on his stomach and dimly rereading and looking through the collection of advice he has compiled. His head was racing with a lot of things, and when Bill comes in, he shifts over to accommodate him. He sits up and turns over, regarding Bill with an almost nervous look.)

I think you have a point. At least with some of it. (Half of what Bill said felt exactly right. But the latter half...

Eddie wasn't so oblivious.)

Richie's alone in his future. (Eddie says this softly, his hurt for his friend evident in his voice.)

...What about you?

video

[tearsinajar]

I gotta say, you're a lot wiser than you let on, kid.

video

[clussy]

Am I really?

(That sort of gets Eddie grinning.)

What makes you say that?