McDonell Benedict "Kazuhira (和平)" Miller (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
warandpeace) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thisavrou2017-09-02 05:05 am
warandpeace) wrote in thisavrou2017-09-02 05:05 am
AUDIO
My leg is broken. As in my prosthetic. [Which is a sufficient excuse for his current lack of the lower half of his leg.] I need a functional replacement of some sort.
[Something to tide him over. He's getting used to it; throwing bits of himself on the sacrificial altar just to win. Now that the anger is starting to ebb and he's starting to feel a little weak and helpless, something he's always unwilling to admit. Giving some of the parts out of his own damn body was the only way he had left to fight any of this.]
[In a way he's waiting for rescue all over again, only this time from the inside.]
I at least need a good crutch. I'm using a metal bar for now, but something that I can put comfortably under my arm would help.
I don't want to ask them for help with it.
[He does have some pride left in there somewhere.]
[Something to tide him over. He's getting used to it; throwing bits of himself on the sacrificial altar just to win. Now that the anger is starting to ebb and he's starting to feel a little weak and helpless, something he's always unwilling to admit. Giving some of the parts out of his own damn body was the only way he had left to fight any of this.]
[In a way he's waiting for rescue all over again, only this time from the inside.]
I at least need a good crutch. I'm using a metal bar for now, but something that I can put comfortably under my arm would help.
I don't want to ask them for help with it.
[He does have some pride left in there somewhere.]
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Look at it from their perspective, Miller. Ever since we started showing up, people have been causing trouble.
It's no different than Comrade Stalin's purges of those unloyal to the Party back home.
[ perhaps a little hint to others on how he might actually feel about this whole situation.
just another method of control. but let them think he really believes in them. he'll bide his time like he always does. ]
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[Which he can't mention enough of.]
I don't know that they didn't warn you about this beforehand.
[He trusts that he would have but Miller's old motherbase thoughts are good to rear their head here.]
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[ only at home, he always had the advantage. here... ]
It may come as a shock to you Miller, but even I don't always know exactly what's coming.
[ in more ways than one. ]
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[Can he use a partially staged argument to be petty? Yes. Maybe.]
Did they teach you "we're disappointed in you and this is for everyone's own good" speeches before they sent people to the gulag? [Asking for a friend.]
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[ just... continuing forced labor camps. but technically they weren't the same. ]
That would imply we'd even bother to talk to the guilty in the first place. If anything, maybe the Savrii are too lenient.
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[Certain hospitals come to mind.]
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[ people always do. civilians or otherwise. just like some people had in the hospital. ]
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[That man in the hospital had a lot of good reasons to live, dammit.]
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[ he's always been a practical person. and the fact of the matter was, very last person had made their choice. ]
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[He remembers how much the medic had liked helping people. He remembers that he had siblings, and the life in his one visible eye in those last moments.]
It's better to treat them as though they have some value and find solutions to spare as many as you can. The Savrii are lazy, uncreative, and stagnant. They've stunted their entire society trying to exert this level of control. Some of those lives could have changed things as they were needed.
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[ that had been the thing with Venom, hadn't it? Ocelot had taken measures to make sure he didn't know the truth, but Miller? he'd believed what he'd wanted, despite the differences in between the two 'big boss'es.. and he continues to, thinking that he knows what's best for everyone else.
once again, here he is, going on and on about things he didn't fully understand. ]
And is that for you to decide as well? We're the outsiders here.
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[To get your rocks off to it.]
[Ocelot, as far as he's concerned, only has one thing he understands about being a person. And honestly there's so little human about him he doesn't even deserve that. And he can say that for once without wanting Big Boss for himself.]
[It's not about the Savrii anymore and he knows it. They are outsiders. But they were never meant to be. Their "integration" never took. More numbers and resources. A greater spread of skills and access than a group of scientists could give them. Numbers and codes that could lead them to different worlds they originally couldn't find.]
You're too pig-headed to talk to. I would bet you're only alive now because someone else remembered that you were a human.
[That someone being Big Boss. Ocelot's too steeped in his zealotry to ever think of people as people.]
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the line was always blurred with him. ]
Don't try to psychoanalyze me. You're bad at it.
[ he knows how to compartmentalize things, true. but who else would be willing to do what needed to be done? he's seen what happens when you try the other way.
it only leads back to Zero and living under complete control. better to die free. ]
I'm alive because of my charming personality, Miller. You might want to take a lesson or two.
[ and hey, that's not true. he thinks of people just fine. he just expects them to do the same things he'd do if he were in their position. ]
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[It has become more relevant. Because he's talked with Lavellan and learned what he's been through. Because he was handed a dogtag in a dream from someone he lost. Because he'll never see sacrifices as something to be taken, but something to be given as a gift of trust.]
[A trust he had betrayed.]
[Yeah, it's a little personal. That's why he doesn't add more to it.]
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[ the fact of the matter was that sure, Ocelot did have what some people might call "skewed priorities". but at the end of the day, he deeply respects Venom, not only for what he did on the helicopter, but also for his reaction after the fact, even when he discovered the truth.
but then again, he also saw who the real enemy was. the same person that Miller had brought to their doorstep and started this whole damn mess in the first place.
but will Ocelot ever feel guilty for anything he's done? why should he? ]
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Just because someone is your friend doesn't mean that you have to agree with their unfortunate life choices all the time.
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in this... he was just another puppet. but he's hardly going to admit that to someone like Miller. ]
Oh, look at that. There's something we actually agree on.
[ he still thinks John is a little too forgiving for his own good. but his friendship with Miller is his prerogative. as is Venom's. he's not either of their keepers. ]
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I'm actually surprised you didn't come up with a more original comeback.
[To be honest, Kaz is also too forgiving for his own good in this case. But he's at least learned peace is in all of their best interest. Hence why, despite saying what he's said (and feeling the justified anger that he feels) he's holding his tongue on half the things he's thinking.]
[Some of those soldiers in that nation will be the ones he cultivated and cared for. And like hell will he watch them go up in a puff of nuclear smoke.]
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[ sure his comment was a little petty (really petty), but sometimes that was Ocelot's way.
in the end, it would be Zero's responsibility if those men died, wouldn't it? they were the ones fighting against the world of complete control he was trying to create. and, if what they said about the future was true, Miller would just go right along with his plan because someone hurt his feelings, despite all of it being his fault in the first place. sure, he has Venom's guarantee that won't happen, but Ocelot isn't the best when it comes to trust. ]
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[Petty, yes. But one that Kaz has already considered, his heart has already scarred to a point and he's already told enough people his shame that he can't even have it be some horrible revelation.]
[Congratulations. Finally. Finally, Kazuhira Miller has gotten so tired of a petty insult that it's become the equivalent of "Well your face is ugly." Though considering the source the bland insult would be "But at least I'm not a bottle blond.]
I was told to look to the future and I'm choosing to do so. [He even has the half thought of "putting a ring on it" but it's just an idle, bigger than a world-changing business fantasy at this point.] But my past mistakes tell me that these are bad people to deal with.
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Depends on which future you mean. As long as you've learned form your mistakes and don't head down that same path. You know where that leads.
[ the fact of the matter was, John was dead if things didn't change. for whatever else, Miller goes right back to working for Cipher, and trains David to kill John. and while he might say that John had wanted to die in the end, what had helped contribute to that mental state?
but again, this really wasn't supposed to be about any of this. it was a show for the Savrii. to make them think he was on-side. ]
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It gets old.
[If he knew that Ocelot would blame Kaz for John's mental state, he'd be especially livid. Because Ocelot is the worst person for anyone's mental state he's ever goddamn known (especially his own, and he's still furious that he has to deal with it when he was doing so much better without it). He can strip a man of his desire to live for himself or make choices. He can make brave men suffer for the entirety of their lives for goals that could have actually been met through transparency. And sometimes Kaz wonders how that, for a very enjoyable instant, he found himself thinking of the man as a human being rather than a force of mental turmoil. Where it came from, well... He's forgotten now.]
[But yeah, it's a show for the Savrii. So he'll have to deviate it.] And don't you threaten me in regards to them, either. Remember, here? You're outnumbered.
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[ though, on Ocelot's end, it was certainly a different feeling altogether. in the long run, he really hadn't cared that much about Miller one way or another, or his anger. but, finding out what happened to John had changed that, and while he at least thinks that he tries to be civil...
well. can you blame a man for being petty or angry?
regardless, he's done for the time being. it was a good show for the Savrii, if nothing else.
(not that it mattered in the long run) ]