backsassin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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thisavrou2016-01-02 08:27 pm
backsassin) wrote in thisavrou2016-01-02 08:27 pm
text; jan 2
[It’s one of those nights. Zam tosses and turns, shifts between forms around half a dozen times, and even tries to meditate the way they’d learned with the Mabari. Nothing helps. Their mind keeps churning with thoughts and questions, completely obliterating any chance of sleep. Eventually, they sit up with a frustrated sigh and activate their MID. They don’t know if anyone will be up to respond, but maybe getting their thoughts out will help nonetheless. At least they’re sober enough this time to keep their late night ramblings confined to text, rather than waking everyone up with a video message.]
I’ve been thinking
I know most of the people on this ship aren’t dead. Or at least they don’t remember dying. But I am. Dead, I mean. And it wasn’t one of those deaths where there’s room for ambiguity.
Which is why when I first got here, I thought it was some kind of afterlife. And in some ways, it still seems like that. But let’s say it isn’t. Let’s say it’s a real, physical ship and that the captains are really going to try and get us all home.
What’s going to happen to me? [Even just typing the question fills Zam with a cold sense of dread.] I died. If the ship actually manages to get me back to my galaxy or universe or whatever it is, am I just going to die again? And if I don’t, what about the me that’s dead in an alley somewhere? Will they still be there? Or will it be like all of that never happened and I’m the only one who remembers it?
Or what if I can’t go back and I just have to stay on the Moira forever? Is that why the captains chose me? Because I can’t go back?
I don’t know if anyone on this ship has the answers. Maybe not even the captains know for sure. But so many people want to go home. And I don’t even know if I have anything to go home to.
{OOC: The post will still be up in the morning for anyone who was asleep when it was originally posted.}
I’ve been thinking
I know most of the people on this ship aren’t dead. Or at least they don’t remember dying. But I am. Dead, I mean. And it wasn’t one of those deaths where there’s room for ambiguity.
Which is why when I first got here, I thought it was some kind of afterlife. And in some ways, it still seems like that. But let’s say it isn’t. Let’s say it’s a real, physical ship and that the captains are really going to try and get us all home.
What’s going to happen to me? [Even just typing the question fills Zam with a cold sense of dread.] I died. If the ship actually manages to get me back to my galaxy or universe or whatever it is, am I just going to die again? And if I don’t, what about the me that’s dead in an alley somewhere? Will they still be there? Or will it be like all of that never happened and I’m the only one who remembers it?
Or what if I can’t go back and I just have to stay on the Moira forever? Is that why the captains chose me? Because I can’t go back?
I don’t know if anyone on this ship has the answers. Maybe not even the captains know for sure. But so many people want to go home. And I don’t even know if I have anything to go home to.
{OOC: The post will still be up in the morning for anyone who was asleep when it was originally posted.}
no subject
Even though he's only talked to Zam once, Ratchet feels strangely compelled to respond. It's probably the sick, familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach when he reads that last line.]
i dont think youll die again, zam. i mean, not that same way. its...its complicated. im not saying i have the answers anymore than you do but, by taking you away from that version of you..bringing you back? that isnt what happened to you anymore. its changed. and from here going forward youre a different zam.
...i don't mean that in a metaphysical psedo-philosophical kind of way, either. literally.
no subject
And even if I’m a “different Zam,” that still
It doesn’t answer everything. It wasn’t a neat, isolated death. Other people were involved. If that isn’t what happened to me anymore, what happened to them? Do they remember something different?
no subject
how is that any different than anything else? it's not like you had the answers before either. maybe you'll come out of this a little more prepared...make a difference in some way. who knows.
its...something.