text; jan 2

[backsassin]

[It’s one of those nights. Zam tosses and turns, shifts between forms around half a dozen times, and even tries to meditate the way they’d learned with the Mabari. Nothing helps. Their mind keeps churning with thoughts and questions, completely obliterating any chance of sleep. Eventually, they sit up with a frustrated sigh and activate their MID. They don’t know if anyone will be up to respond, but maybe getting their thoughts out will help nonetheless. At least they’re sober enough this time to keep their late night ramblings confined to text, rather than waking everyone up with a video message.]

I’ve been thinking

I know most of the people on this ship aren’t dead. Or at least they don’t remember dying. But I am. Dead, I mean. And it wasn’t one of those deaths where there’s room for ambiguity.

Which is why when I first got here, I thought it was some kind of afterlife. And in some ways, it still seems like that. But let’s say it isn’t. Let’s say it’s a real, physical ship and that the captains are really going to try and get us all home.

What’s going to happen to me? [Even just typing the question fills Zam with a cold sense of dread.] I died. If the ship actually manages to get me back to my galaxy or universe or whatever it is, am I just going to die again? And if I don’t, what about the me that’s dead in an alley somewhere? Will they still be there? Or will it be like all of that never happened and I’m the only one who remembers it?

Or what if I can’t go back and I just have to stay on the Moira forever? Is that why the captains chose me? Because I can’t go back?

I don’t know if anyone on this ship has the answers. Maybe not even the captains know for sure. But so many people want to go home. And I don’t even know if I have anything to go home to.

{OOC: The post will still be up in the morning for anyone who was asleep when it was originally posted.}

Comments

[warandpeace]

Worlds are big. Universes are big. There's always somewhere to go.

Better to choose the chance of survival. [Even at the risk of getting dicked over.]

[backsassin]

If we’re talking solely in terms of survival, then my best bet would be staying on the Moira. As far as I can tell, people don’t die here.

Starting over somewhere new isn’t a bad idea. But the most survivable option isn’t necessarily the best.

[warandpeace]

I guess living would be a better term for it. A step above surviving.

[He only survived for a very long time.]

What's your usual line of work?

[backsassin]

I was a bounty hunter. [Zam feels no shame about their choice of occupation. From their point of view, they were cleaning up the scum of the galaxy. It didn’t particularly matter that it was often other scum signing their checks.]

Probably should have seen it coming. People don’t become bounty hunters if they want long lives and peaceful deaths.

[warandpeace]

I've never found a place where that job wouldn't be useful. I almost wish there was one.

You improvised well when I gave you some tools, in any case. Get more while you're stuck here.