text; (locked from nathan drake)

[tearsinajar]

[ It's been two weeks since she's woken up in the Complex, the effects of her cryostasis wearing off, finally. The effects of her death and resurging, that's another story. Her throat and lungs aren't feeling so raw but the latter still feels rough. At least she no longer feels like she's going to choke with each breath she takes. And the hacking up blood has stopped. On the other hand, the nightmares of the exact moment don't come as often but they're there.

They're always there. ]

I was always under the impression that when you died, you stayed dead. There were no second chances. Maybe I haven't come to terms with it. I've come close to death's door too often but never like that.

Has anyone ever...?

[ If anyone here has died and returned, wouldn't asking bring back unpleasant memories? Elena's aware of that, unfortunately there's only been one other person whom she's been able to talk to who can relate.

This isn't something she can talk to Nate about because of how sensitive a topic it is between them still, and that's why she's locked the post from him. She needs to know if there are others.

Plus there's just one more thing... ]

My wedding ring also seems to be missing... It's plain silver and has an engraving on the inside. It's been missing since I woke up in the Complex.

If it's shown up anywhere then please, I'd appreciate a heads up.


( ooc; the ring is gone forever, and although the post is locked from older!nate, it's still free game for anyone who knows him to bring up the post/topic/any conversation to him. c: )

Comments

[Text]

[deal_me_in]

Honestly? I can't remember most of 'em. Probably for stupid reasons anyway. Bit off more than I could chew, running around in enemy territory- but then just about everywhere back home can be considered that now.

Ghost brings me back. So long as it's around, I won't stay down.

[tearsinajar]

Ghost? Is that a program? A person? Something like the Ingress?

[deal_me_in]

Actually, I'm not completely sure what it is. It's sort of like an AI, tech's more advanced than anything we've been able to figure out, and it seems like there's a touch of the supernatural to it.

[tearsinajar]

No wonder you call it 'ghost'. But in what way does it keep you from dying full out, do not pass go, do not collect 200?

[deal_me_in]

Couldn't say for sure. I'd say it's something to do with the Light they possess. Ghosts are fragments of this giant entity called the Traveler. Stuff happened, Earth almost got ruined and the Traveler managed to keep us from getting wiped out. Then it sent out those little guys to... I guess 'recruit' in a way? Guardians. To keep fighting the good fight.

Ghost brought me back from being dead, so we're kind of linked, now. Not sure if there's a limit to being revived, but that's not something I want to test. Kind of messes with your memories though, and those are hard enough to hold onto.

[tearsinajar]

Your memory loss is the price you pay for being revived? That makes sense. There's always a cost to something, why not tack a price tag to that while we're at it?

Is that the only way you can be linked to your Ghost? They need to find you and revive you and you're like best friends for life?

[deal_me_in]

Actually the memory thing's a separate issue. Dying actually helps spark some of those things you don't know you've forgotten- at least in my case. But I'm sure there's some price to it, if not just having to experience dying in itself. Who needs that, right?

I'm sure it's more complicated than that but I never really asked. Maybe it has to do with compatibility.

[tearsinajar]

Why is the memory thing a separate issue? If I were in a better mindset I'd probably throw in some kind of a joke but things are still a little fresh.

And maybe. Compatibility is a necessity in any relationship.

[deal_me_in]

Seems to be a common problem for Exos, but when you can run for hundreds of years I'd think that's a pretty reasonable expectation, and after the initial Ghost reboot, who knows how much sticks?

...although speaking of- Well. This wonderful topic. Did you... Here?

[tearsinajar]

That makes a lot of sense. You're around for so long, everything blends together. You almost forget bits of yourself.

I did. Two weeks or so ago.

[deal_me_in]

Yeah. Except there's not an "almost" about it. Some say it's easier to just let go. Less problems. Me, I cling to whatever bits I do remember, because those are mine.

And you remember it. Huh. That's something they didn't include in the brochure.

[tearsinajar]

They have value. To you. I can get behind that.

[ Another reason she prefers to stay behind text— she can keep her emotions hidden. No one to catch it flit across her face or knit her brow.

Of course she'd remember it. She needs to take a slow breath and close her eyes before she can answer that other part of his text. ]

Up to a point. How it felt leading up to it.

[deal_me_in]

Damn right.

[He doesn't want to suggest that maybe she's been cloned or something, given she seems to remember what happened to her. But that she remembers at all means she's not just been pulled back in from an earlier point through the Ingress. Thinking about the Ingress just gives him a headache in general.]

Sorry to hear that. Those aren't the best memories to be left with. ...you all right?

[tearsinajar]

I should be okay but I appreciate you asking. I have a great support system when it gets bad though it's mostly at night. Go figure.

Unfortunately this isn't the first time I've been in this situation. I mean dying completely and revival, that's definitely a new one to scratch off the bucket list. I meant more like coming so close to it and suffering afterwards.

[ Wait... ]

....nevermind. It's practically the same.

[deal_me_in]

Hey, least I can do is ask.

Well, guess it depends on the how of it. I end up doing a lot of dumb stuff but so long as you're breathing and able to laugh about it after..

[tearsinajar]

Breathing, yes. Laughing? I'm still learning to deal with it happening in the first place. I left someone behind who, when i woke up, i almost didn't recognize.

[deal_me_in]

I wouldn't laugh after actually...dying. I meant more with the near-death experiences. How's that, though? Mental hiccup or physically?

[tearsinajar]

It's easier now to laugh about that incident, or give a one chuckle over, yeah. Still don't care much to touch grenades though. And physically. I can understand why; I'd died on a planet and he hadn't been there to prevent it, especially after I'd promised not to...you know. Leave him.

He suffered in those two weeks I was gone.

[deal_me_in]

The only reason you touch grenades is to throw them the hell away from you.

...ah. Yeah, I can see how that would be tough for someone. It's rough. ...how'd he take to seeing you again?

[tearsinajar]

I didn't stand a chance. He was holding it, pin unlocked.

[ If she closes her eyes, she can always see the way he'd stood in the doorway staring at her. The hoarse question of is it really you? cracking under the crushing grief and disbelief. The fear that seeing her alive weeks later was nothing but a figment of his imagination, hopes to be dashed. ]

I've known him for a long time, I've never seen him so broken. He crumpled the second I reached for his hand.

[deal_me_in]

...oh.

[What else can you say to that?]

Considering that he probably thought he'd never see you again...

That's the way death works, in places where it's supposed to be the final curtain. The dead aren't the only victims.

[tearsinajar]

He was bleeding out from a chest wound. I brought it upon myself to try and get closer to try and convince him to throw the grenade away so we could help him. Thinking I could help him, I was careless. Naive.

[ A shrug offscreen as she remwmbers Flynn. And remembering him now just reminds her that he's not here anymore, that, back home, he's still dead. ]

Grief is a terrible thing. It changes you. I guess you don't realize how much something or someone means to you until they're actually gone.

[deal_me_in]

Not naive. Human. It's just what people do, because not doing anything usually isn't an acceptable option.

[Cayde doesn't know the circumstances, but he knows that if you're desperate you'll do anything you think you're able to. And sometimes things you might not be sure you can pull off.]

That's the way it usually works. We know it, but it seems like it's too easy to forget. Start taking things for granted all over again.

[tearsinajar]

For me, it isn't. But for others, they might not think about it until after it's done. They'd only think of themselves, in that moment.

[ Take Harry Flynn for example. Bastard. ]

I don't think he could do that. Or maybe he did and he doesn't realize it. Or we just don't realize it ourselves.

[deal_me_in]

Well, people aren't exactly the best in decision making at times. But that's true.


Probably better not to think too much on the technicalities. Like you said earlier, you're still learning how to deal with what's happened. I take it so's he. If you've known each other for so long, then things'll work themselves out.