thisavrou | - VIDEO - set in a dark little workshop -

So, for those of you who have been living under a rock, the Ingress is down for maintenance. [She pauses for effect, but not dramatic effect. In fact, just in case anyone is in doubt about how underwhelmed she is, she adds a sarcastic,] Ohhh noooooo.

[But she knocks it off a moment later.] Which... kinda makes me wonder why there's only one Ingress? I mean, this is what technology does. The motherboard fries, the battery dies, the motor overloads and catches the engine compartment on fire, it goes obsolete because the manufacturer decided to remove headphone jacks -- that's the circle of life. Or should I say... circuit of life?

[There's a notification sound from her TAB. She picks it up, and scowls a little at what she sees.]

... aw, c'mon, my pun wasn't that bad.

[She huffs and sets it back down.] AN-y-way, maybe this is the perfect time to roll out something to replace it? Something, let's say... personal?

Y'see, I've already been reverse engineering Hyperion's digistruction tech, and -- [she says with increasing enthusiasm] -- it took a lot of time to get the atomic reconstruction matrix right, but now that it's stopped turning my hats into jello, I think it's juuuust about ready to scale up, and start warping living things from place to place.

Lemme show you! Imagine that this is you. [She sets a toy robot down in front of the camera.] And imagine that table over there is the other planet! All we have to do is digistruct you down like so...

[She holds a device over the doll. It appears to scan it, and then disintegrate it down into blocks of light. A mildly terrifying thought, maybe.]

[Gaige picks up the TAB and moves it over to the far table.] Then, we have a second digistructor which beams all your data over to the destination, and -- voila!

[She presses a button, and the robot reappears, as if it were being reassembled out of the blocks of light. However, there's a small problem: It's not on the table. Instead, it's about five feet to the left, sticking halfway into the wall. Its feet dangle down helplessly.]

... okay. Maybe it still has a few bugs to work out before we start using it on living things. Just-- give me a few hours to redo the calibration--

[And the camera's off again.]