text; + action options; (cw character death)

[sketchycharacter]

[locked to people who know Elena Fisher]

elena's dead

[....yeah that's all. Odds are good that Nate will not want to reply to questions, condolences or comments regarding the recent tragedy, though Chloe Frazer might. However, he can be found...]

wandering; Once the shock has passed—if it ever does—Nate wanders for hours. Fuck, maybe days, he doesn't know. He just doesn't want to go back to the house in Region 1 where she isn't.

Eventually he finds himself in a well-wooded park. For lack of anything else to do, he climbs a tree.

at home; When he finally does make it back, Nate parks his ass on the couch, where he'll be sleeping until—well, he can't count on there being an "until." Maybe he'll just live on the couch forever. Sorry, Pepper, Varric, etc.

at the ingress complex; Nate comes by the facility a couple of times, to ask for news or if they can guarantee that they'll be able to bring her back, because he knows that people have returned, and he knows that they don't always.

He walks away both times, unable to stand it if the answer is no.]

Comments

[sketchycharacter]

[Nate is mildly surprised to see his other self here, and then he isn't. Their life paths may have diverged, but at their cores, they're not so different. Same formative years, same tendency to climb whatever is there. Makes sense that they'd have the same preference in trees, even if they're up here for very different reasons.]

Hey, kid.

[It's not the first time he's been unsure what to say to him, but maybe the first time he's not glad to see him. Nate knows that he's always been a living example of at least a possible future for the kid. What kind of example is this?]

[ascendit]

I got your text.

[You know, in case he thinks he hasn't seen it and is just oblivious.

[And then... he's got nothing. Nate hasn't had to deal with grief like this before - everything feels inadequate. Though their usual method of dealing with loss is not talking about it, he at least wants Drake to know that he's not ignoring his pain.]

Shit sucks.

[He tried.]

[sketchycharacter]

[Nate nods. He wouldn't have wanted to pass along secondhand, maybe-one-day-yours pain like this, but after telling him about what he'd believed to be their brother's death, there's no protecting the kid from the idea of loss. Plus, he'd promised never to lie to him, and concealing how his world's just been ripped in two would be the biggest lie of all.]

Yeah. It sucks a lot.

[That sums it up. He doesn't need lengthy condolences.]

They say that the resurge people at the Ingress can bring people back. But, you know. Doesn't always happen.

[The uncertainty isn't necessarily worse than losing Elena. Some hope is better than no hope. But not knowing for sure when or if or how he'll find out whether it'll happen here is a special form of agony.]

[ascendit]

[Nate raises an eyebrow.]

Doesn't always happen like they can't do it every time, or they pick and choose who to bring back, or...?

[That's the main upside of being junctioned: The coma he'd fall into instead of dying is consistent; he's using the technology after years of refinement. Unlike the time travel feature on the same device which still remains stubbornly nonfunctional, so he doesn't bother offering it.]

[sketchycharacter]

I don't know.

[He answers quickly, partly because he doesn't want to think too hard about which it could be. If it's never a sure thing despite their best efforts, there's nothing anyone can do to change the odds. If they decide for themselves, what could he possibly do to convince them that Elena's life is worthy, if they don't already believe it?]

Some people have said they died and came back. Some never came back. I won't know which it is now until it happens.

[If it happens. The unsaid words hang in the air.]

[ascendit]

[Nate absorbs this with a frown. Not knowing is almost crueller than a definite, final death.]

You know, I work at the Ingress complex. [When he's working. Shepard being away and putting Normandy Securities on hold means he's not going out to the complex as much, though he's been making an effort to drop off snacks there for when they're back at work.] I can go bug them.

[He'd go back regularly for this, even without the excuse of work.]

[sketchycharacter]

[He's quiet for a long moment, genuinely torn on what to say, caught between wanting to take any connection, any opportunity, and fear of tilting the balance between life and death the wrong way.]

I don't—I don't know.

[Is this something he can even put on the kid, to preserve his own future (at least, a future)? Shouldn't it be him doing it, then? The horrible paralysis of fear he's been caught in feels stronger than ever now.]

Just don't bother them. If they need to focus on their work.

[If they'd even talk to him. He doesn't know.]

[ascendit]

Yeah, okay. I'll bug them when they're up for it.

[An attempt at a smile to go with the attempt at a joke, but it doesn't feel right. Nate falls into silence, trying to figure out how to put this.]

I'm here. If you need anything. [Good start.] Even if it's not... ["Your wife's death." He waves a hand, encompassing everything going on.] If you just need someone to do magic tricks or talk about history or tell you to eat, I can do that.

[They've always been able to take care of themselves, but Nate suspects that ability might drop a bit in the face of death and unknown revival.]

[sketchycharacter]

[Reflexively, Nate attempts a return smile, but it's more like a pathetic twitch on the side of his mouth.]

Thanks, kid. I know you are. [A pause.] Especially since you're here in the same tree.

[So, literally here. Hell, the way things are going, he wouldn't be surprised to see younger Nate coincidentally show up wherever he might go. It's a funny thing, to receive an offer of comfort from yourself.]

[ascendit]

[This smile comes easier. Nate likes being up high to think, and it's clear that Drake gets that. Probably less clear that for him, rooftops, to some extent, still carry the associations of being shot at by a random and her gang of suits, or of crashing through in a mobile school. (His own rooftop is fine because it's a treehouse, nothing like the buildings of Cartagena nor Esthar.)]

That wasn't even planned - I didn't know you'd be coming up here.

[sketchycharacter]

I didn't think you did. I didn't tell anyone I was coming here.

[He didn't know himself. But even if he'd set out with a tree destination, he wouldn't have mentioned it.]

But same minds think alike.

[ascendit]

Ha - yeah.

[Very carefully, Nate reaches down to pat Drake's head, the only part of him he can reach, since being in different levels of a tree is not exactly conducive to hugging.

[He is totally not going to fall.]

[sketchycharacter]

[For maybe the first time since Elena...since he got the news, Nate actually does manage to crack a smile at the head pat.

It's small, and falls away quickly. But it's there.]