text; + action options; (cw character death)

[sketchycharacter]

[locked to people who know Elena Fisher]

elena's dead

[....yeah that's all. Odds are good that Nate will not want to reply to questions, condolences or comments regarding the recent tragedy, though Chloe Frazer might. However, he can be found...]

wandering; Once the shock has passed—if it ever does—Nate wanders for hours. Fuck, maybe days, he doesn't know. He just doesn't want to go back to the house in Region 1 where she isn't.

Eventually he finds himself in a well-wooded park. For lack of anything else to do, he climbs a tree.

at home; When he finally does make it back, Nate parks his ass on the couch, where he'll be sleeping until—well, he can't count on there being an "until." Maybe he'll just live on the couch forever. Sorry, Pepper, Varric, etc.

at the ingress complex; Nate comes by the facility a couple of times, to ask for news or if they can guarantee that they'll be able to bring her back, because he knows that people have returned, and he knows that they don't always.

He walks away both times, unable to stand it if the answer is no.]

Comments

[sketchycharacter]

[Nate genuinely likes Varric, and since they've moved in together, he's gotten to know the dwarf well enough to think that they're pretty good friends themselves, even setting aside the link of their friendships with Hawke.

But were he capable of alternating numbness and searing agony, he still wouldn't hold it against Varric if he opted to step back from all this...this. They only met a few months ago; what can he be expected to say? What can anyone be expected to say?

He doesn't actually need to still be sleeping by the time Varric does show up, but extra naps are great because they lead to blissful unconsciousness. He cracks an eye open to see all the bottles--almost as good as sleep.]

I'm up.

[neverheardofhim]

Thought that might convince you.

[Someone with good manners might have waited for Nate to move, or even given him his space. Varric simply sat at the far end of the couch. If the man was wise, he'd move his feet. If not, Varric had a warm, if bony, cushion.]

What do you want first, something familiar, or something adventurous.

[There was both a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of Dragon Piss now on Nate's lap, along with a number of other familiar and unfamiliar bottles. Whatever suited his tastes.]

[sketchycharacter]

[It didn't take much convincing. It would be harder to get him to go out and have a drink, but when it's brought right to him? Sure.

Nate shifts to give Varric room, less out of manners and more because it's uncomortable to stay horizontal with someone else here.]

Give me whatever's the strongest.

[The last time he'd dived into a bottle it had been a purposeful escape from the pain, a journey with no endpoint other than getting absolutely blitzed. He can't even summon the energy to form that sort of intention now, but god, does he like the idea.

[neverheardofhim]

Dragon piss it is. [Shifting, Varric plucked a bottle from the hoard deposited on to Nate, one with dark glass and nothing more than a dragon and a... rather lovingly rendered dragon member etched into the glass. This was passed over to the man, while the dwarf settled for vodka.

At least one of them would (probably) keep their wits about them tonight. And it wasn't going to the man mourning.]

So, is this the part where you tell me how you're feeling, or am I going to have to wait until you're off your ass? Don't mind either way, really.

[sketchycharacter]

[Yay dragon piss. Nate takes the bottle and knocks back a hearty swig immediately. It burns its way down his throat like maybe it really is napalm-laced pissed from a beast that breathes fire. Good.]

What makes you think there's anything to wait for? Maybe I don't want to talk about how I'm feeling ever.

[Because it hurts too much. Because 'talking' would just be 'screaming incoherently.' Pick one.]

[neverheardofhim]

Take it from someone who never shuts up. There's always something worth saying. [But Varric shrugged casually. It wasn't his business, wasn't his job to push the matter. If Nate wanted to talk about it, Varric would listen. If Nate wanted to talk about the stars or how bad the alcohol burned, he would listen.

And if he decided to say nothing? Varric would talk in his stead. At least long enough for Nate to be, as he said, off his ass.]

[sketchycharacter]

[He snorts.]

I don't know about that. It wouldn't change anything.

[His wife will still be dead. He still failed her.

Nate takes another long drink.]

[neverheardofhim]

[As much as Varric wanted the people around him to believe otherwise, he was no stranger to loss. He'd watched his parents die, his brother waste away. And just when he thought he had nothing left to lose? His best friend, the woman he wanted to believe was immortal, was snatched away from him.

It might have been easier, he might have been able to relate more, if Nate knew. But it was hardly a good time to drop that particular piece of knowledge onto his friend. Let him cope with one loss long before another could be fathomed.]

Last time I lost someone important to me, talking about my best memories with them helped. So, don't tell me how you feel now. Tell me about a time when she made you feel then.

[sketchycharacter]

[He's not myopic enough to think that he's the only one who's lost someone so important. It's just that no one else's loss matters right now. That probably makes him an asshole.

Nate frowns and takes another drink.]

Look, if I start talking about how I fell in love when she ripped a jail cell wall out to set me free, I'm probably going to end up a weepy drunk as well as a messy drunk.

[neverheardofhim]

[He might be an asshole, but Varric was notorious for keeping assholes as company. It was the same reason why he settled in so well with Hawke, and why he got along so readily with Nate and Tony. They were all assholes, but at least they were well-meaning.

Most of the time, at least.]

You don't think that's what you need? Shed a few tears and see if it makes you feel a little better?

that first bit is the truest thing that's ever been written

[sketchycharacter]

What makes you think I haven't?

[There was a torrent at first, not from sobs so much as...constant leaking. And then not much since, because feeling hollow most of the time is very dehydrating.

But he had cried. Maybe that's enough to prove to the universe that he's a good enough husband to get her back.]

canonblind af, but i kno u

[neverheardofhim]

You haven't cried around me.

[The dwarf puffed out his hairy chest, smile wide and toothy. He might have come off as casual, like he was making light of Nate's trauma. But there was more than a hint of concern in his eyes.]

I'm sure Hawke's told you, I'm a great shoulder to cry on.

u do

[sketchycharacter]

[And he's not going to. Not necessarily because of the company, though. He's just run dry.]

Hawke's told me a lot of things about you.

[He sighs and leans back in his seat.]

So tell me, pal. Where does this rank in the great tragedies of literature? Probably not too high.

[neverheardofhim]

Anyone else other than Hawke and I'd be worried. [But Varric might as well have been a deity, for all the champion seemed to praise him. Sometimes it made him feel a bit warm and fuzzy, but that wasn't something Nate needed to know.]

High enough. It loses some points for it being another devastated man, but still... anyone could see how genuine your love was.

Most of my work ends tragically, but this...? Even this is too much.

[sketchycharacter]

That's something, I guess.

[Something good, a hollow consolation that at least it stands out? Something bad, for obvious reasons?

Nate doesn't really care.]

[neverheardofhim]

Get the feeling you've had a lot of somethings the past few days.

[Varric picked up a bottle, poured himself a small drink, and set it back down. The bulk of it was Nate's, but the dwarf was certain that he couldn't be blamed for needing a little something to clear his head.]

[sketchycharacter]

More than I need.

[He still needs more to drink, though, so he'll have some.]

[neverheardofhim]

Guess I should shut my mouth then, huh?

[Varric even managed to give it a decent effort, knocking back another gulp before lowering his drink.]

So, if you don't need to talk, what do you need?

[sketchycharacter]

[He needs his wife back, but Varric can't give him that.]

Just company, I guess.

[Even if it doesn't really help.]