video;

[ruffboi]

[The video feed turns on, although it’s at a bit of an odd angle - you see the video moving as though whoever is holding it has no idea it’s on. You get a shaky glimpse of the ground, an arm, a hat, before it’s held up. The picture is half obscured by a large thumb, but you can still make out two faces - an elf with a pointy hat and a human with magnificent sideburns. It re-adjusts as someone pushes it from the side to center it more on the elf. ]

I don’t think it’s working - wait - Uh, hail and well met, my good - Whoever you are. My name is Magnus Burnsides, and this is my companion -

Uh, that’s San-- Ysandra Lyee? That’s my name. The Y is silent, my good whoever you ares. [He’s not going to specify which Y. Or where they are, because this is audio and they’re silent, obviously.]

[Whispers. Audibly.] Oh, were we doing fake names? Cool. Nevermind. I accidentally said the wrong name. My actual name is Leeman Kessler.

[Whispering, also audibly.] You think, you think It’s a great idea to just roll up in here and tell them our names? Yeah, cool, good well-thought out plan, hey thanks for the kidnapping, real great to meet ya’ homies, lovin’ it here. Nice weather we’re having today in this cool new reality, here’s my real actual identity. Go nuts!

[Covering the entire picture with his palm as he continues to whisper. Not at all covering the mic.] Okay, okay, well, I think they bought it. Not that I get where knowing our names would get them. Uh, anyway, that’s us. Leeman and whatever he just said. We’re here to help. Can all of you just go ahead and tell us whatever is going on here? Any strange occurrences? Someone maybe, for example, seemingly under the thrall of a powerful magical artifact? That kind of thing?

Yeah-- I’m, whatever I just said. Or what I wrote on that paperwork. Just a great-- Having a great time all around, super into the invasions of body and privacy, and whatever. Can’t wait for more. Anyway, we’re ready for your exposition dump. Lay it on us. Also accepting answers in categories, uh, “what the fuck” and “why” - I know, they gave us the little guidebook, but full disclosure, did not read it. And also maybe where the nearest Fantasy wholesale shopping store is? Wasn’t exactly planning on this, completely underestimated the amount of snacks I’d need for this trip.

Comments

[action, because. y'know they're in the same room.]

[chaoticlootral]

[That's everything, right? That's all the necessary information to broadcast. They definitely haven't forgotten anything that might be kind of important. There is something that is kind of at the back of his mind, did. Did Magnus get a haircut, or something. Wait--]

Hey, listen, now that's out of the way-- Maybe we should have had a chat before we, uh, dove right into whatever that was. Caught up. But that's fine. No problem. This is exactly what I expected you to look like.

[all of this is still being broadcast]

[ruffboi]

Man, you got a guide...? [He got one too, but reading is for nerds.]

Anyway, it's fine! We handled it. And thanks! You look exactly what I expected you to look like, too.

[just this hour long voicemail in your pocket like grandma forgot to hang up the phone]

[chaoticlootral]

Yeah! Yeah, of course. I look exactly like what I'd be expected to look like and that wasn't a weird thing to say.

[Well yeah, reading is definitely for nerds, hence why he didn't read it. This conversation isn't actually the thing he was forgetting, it still feels like there might be something else. What the fuck could it be.]

Now, this is gonna sound like a kinda strange question, but it's not, so just take it in a totally chill way. What's up with you? What's happening with Magnus.

video;

[otiosity]

Ohh, fake names. Wish I'd been able to do a fake name. But now's the perfect time to start so I'm going to be "Hugh Morris". Just "Mo" for short.

[ruffboi]

You can be anyone in the world, and you choose Hugh Morris? Reach for the stars, I guess.

[ruffboi]

Uh. [Immediately seeming incredibly suspicious.] Oh, you know. Same ol', same ol'. Fighting, adventure, good times. Why? What did you hear?

[otiosity]

Reaching the stars would take a lot of effort. I'll take just the very tippy tops of all the buildings at best.

[chaoticlootral]

Hugh? No. Nah. Here, I'm gonna give you another chance. One more time.

[ruffboi]

No! [Immediately invested in this.] You have to believe in yourself. Also, no one named Hugh has ever been the tippy top of a building.

At least give yourself a cooler nickname. You know the trick with nicknames, right? All you have to do is make one up, and then say it's your nickname, and there you go.

[otiosity]

I like Hugh. Do you normally go around telling people that their names aren't good enough? Have you thought about the implications of your actions? Judging people for their name? That's a dark and dangerous road to tread down.

[1/2]

[chaoticlootral]

[Okay well, he said to be chill about it so? Chill out???]

Nothing, it's fine. Did you get a new haircut--

[2/2]

[chaoticlootral]

[Oh wait fuck--] . . .Wait, hold on, where's Merle?

[ruffboi]

Huh? He's...

[Looking around. Doing a complete rotation looking all around.]

Where'd he run off to? He was just here a second ago. [No he wasn't.]

[chaoticlootral]

We've only just met, darling.

[Can't believe she's managed to distract them both with this one terrible fake name. Anyway judging people's names is actually a hobby of his so.]

And if I hear a bad name, isn't it more wrong to just let you run around not knowing? It's a, uh, public service. I'm civic-minded like that.

[chaoticlootral]

[Also doing the look around in a circle. Boy did they roll some fuckin' low perception checks.]

Yeah, yeah. I saw him, I think. [No he didn't.] He can't have gotten far, right? He doesn't move super fast.

[otiosity]

Have you met the public?

[In a low not at all quiet "whisper"]

They're arseholes.

[otiosity]

Hmmmmm.

[She rubs her chin as if in deep thought.]

No. I want to be Hugh Morris.

[ruffboi]

I'm sure he's fine...

[He's less worried about Merle as he's worried that Merle ran off because he saw something cool, and he, Magnus, foolishly did not run off and missed it.

And in that spirit, immediately running out the nearest door. He's taking the camera with him.]

Or maybe he's in danger. I'll go find him! Merle!

[ruffboi]

Okay, okay. If that's your dream, who am I to stop you, Hugh. Mo. Gizmo. Mo' Problems. See, that could work.

[chaoticlootral]

Oh, for sure, for sure. Yeah, I've met them. Lots of them. The, uh, Not Particularly Consequential folks-- That's. That's what I call them, just for fun. NPCs, if you will.

Anyway, Gizmo, you got any of that information we were looking for?

[chaoticlootral]

[Cannot believe they gotta do this. Who will print up the LOST CLERIC posters. Can't they just put out some wet cat food and hope it brings him back. Following because he has absolutely nothing better to do?]

Yeah, what if he's in danger and got hurt- what if he needs some healing. He'd be in, uh, some real big trouble.

video;

[sketchycharacter]

Okay, speaking as someone with experience? You guys need to step up your alias game.

[chaoticlootral]

Who said we don't have experience with this? Personally, I've got plenty. Absolutely crammed full of E-X-P. [E-Ecks-Pee.]

But gonna just agree to disagree, my dude, think it's going fine. For example, you still don't know who I am.

[sketchycharacter]

Sure, but I do know you're concerned about people knowing your names. If you were better at offering up fakes, I wouldn't wonder why that is.

voice;

[brokeassgoing]

This entire goddamn situation is strange but yeah, something weird came outta my toilet. Can you help with that?