thisavrou | 01 | [Video]

[The video opens with a myriad of dizzying images: a few quick, blurry shakes that indicate the owner of the TAB has no idea how to turn it on, a couple of glimpses at the ground as they spin the device to try and find a button, a palm as it strikes down on the screen.

Clearly someone isn't used to such technology. They even mutter a:]

Jesus, how does this thing--?

[Sam jumps a little as he turns the TAB to face him, only to see that it's already recording. And what a sight he is to behold, with dirt on his clothes and blood on his nose and down his left arm. He looks like he could go for a nice hot bath, or like he's just come out of a jungle.]

Holy shit, okay. Okay, uh--hey.

[That's what you're supposed to say, right? Sam gives a small little uncommitted half wave with his free hand, like he's not exactly sure if that's what he should do.]

I'm not sure if anyone is actually on the other end of this, but if there are others out there, I could use a little help. I mean I realize I'm not exactly in Kansas anymore, but space? A whole other planet? Come on, somebody's gotta be busting my balls here, right? At least buy a guy a drink and let him have a cigarette first before you throw that at him.

[He pauses as if expecting some kind of laugh track or other response, but then continues shortly after.]

Also, I--[He shifts uncomfortably, considering what he should say. It takes him a little longer than before to speak again, but once he does, he looks directly at the camera.] I'm looking for my brother. He's about this tall, he's got bro--oh, shit!

[Which is the last curse everyone hears as he accidentally loses his grip on his TAB and it tumbles to the floor and turns off. He'll get the hang of this eventually.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I could bust your balls if you're still looking for a reality check. It's been a slow month.

And how fucking many of you guys came here looking for lost family members? The network's like a community wanted page by now. "Have you seen my dogs?"

Well, I appreciate the offer but I think I'll stick to pinching for now.

Sounds like somebody had family problems back where they came from.

Mom's a bitch and Daddy died when I was young, surely I get a pass.

[ All this, said in the tone of someone who knows very well how far he can get and how much he can run with simply because of people pitying an "orphan". ]

You're sure you don't want hands on your balls?

I sure as hell didn't get a pass. Hate to break it to you, but you're not the only one with a sob story like that.

[Said casually. If he was looking for pity, he came to the wrong orphan.]

Yeah sure, you got an older sister or something you want to introduce me to?

Sure, but she's in a coma right now so if you're looking to date you might want to invest in vaseline or coconut oil.

[ Was that horrible? Yeah, it's horrible. But it's nothing he's not experienced in one way or another, given the quite-literal hivemind he and Miwa have going on. ]

Mind you, we're under 21. That's either too young or too old for your pervert tastes.

Oh, shit. Sorry.

[Yeah, that was a little horrible. He's not really sure how to respond to that other than immediate shock and apology.]

She uh--she here too?

[In a...coma...?]

[ He's both disappointed and impressed the guy didn't continue. And then he's annoyed because if there's anything Tetora hates more than other people, it's being confused by his own feelings on anything. ]

Nah, she's back home. Don't know how she's gonna be useful here anyway, if she's on life support.

What about yours, what's his damage?

I don't know, I'm not so sure I'm not in a coma dream myself right now.

[Which is his way of trying to change the subject and lighten the mood all at once.]

Good news is, my brother's here. Haven't seen him myself yet in person, so for all I know he could be an alien of some sort. Which would probably be a step up for him.

Anything's a step up from being human, if you ask me.

[ Humans fucked it up for him and Miwa, after all. Thanks for fucking nothing, humanity, you've been a great help. ]

And I've been comatose before, it's a running trend in the family. Trust me, this isn't anything like a coma dream. Half this shit's too lame for it, for starters.

So your brother's here? He's alive?

Being human's a big step up from being something like a fly, in my opinion.

[Sam thought his childhood was bad, but it sounds like this guy had one hell of an upbringing.]

Yeah? I guess this is more like a crazy drunk dream, then. Maybe I'll wake up in a nice big fluffy bed and a killer hangover.

[At this point, he'd definitely take that over...whatever this actually is.]

And that's what I heard. Hopefully it'll stay that way by the time I reach him.

Flies are simple. They know what they have to do to survive, and if we kill them? Pft, what do they care. They literally can't care. They can't fuck anything up. I'm not saying I'd wanna be a fly, but that's a bitch isn't it? Self-awareness.

Humans as a species fucked ourselves over with free will.

[ "Upbringing." Can't have one if you don't have parents. ]

You're more likely to wake up with vomit in mouth and a rat trying to sniff your ass, actually. If you're that drunk you had to pass out.

Does your brother have a problem with staying alive? Like... zombie?

Boy, if only Sister Catherine could hear you now.

[She'd have a fit. And probably make sure this guy got some extra Bible lessons as punishment.]

Pretty sure a fly cares if they get squished against a mirror with a rolled up newspaper. I don't know, I like my free will. Ability to make choices, having different personalities. Makes things a little more interesting.

[But he chuckles at that zombie comment.]

Yeah, more like he has a problem not getting into trouble. Somebody's gotta be there to bail him out.

Oh, garden variety garbage problems. That's okay, I guess. You don't always die that way.

How free is your own will? How much of it depends on other people? How much of it is actually your choice or just the appearance of choice anyway? People can train rats to ignore a literal fuckin' exit in front of their faces, right? People can do that to other people too.

[ But that's a tangent. ]

Anyway, I've only seen nuns in porn.

Nuns? Really? That's the kind of porn you choose to watch? Come on, there are better ones out there than that.

[Which is obviously the important thing here.]

As someone who grew up in a Catholic orphanage, I'm inclined to say that God has a plan for everyone. As someone who got kicked out of said Catholic orphanage, I'd have to say that you can make your own fortune. Sure, some things you can't always control, but we're not exactly lab rats here. Well, I don't know about now, being in space, but, I haven't been locked up in a maze yet.

Whatever's on when I turn the TV on, haha. I don't really have time to go around looking for shit that isn't already on the internet. Too scary~!

[ Fuck off, it is important! It's good for healthy teenagers. ]

...Okay, so which one is the good idea and which one is the bad idea? Didn't really grow up with a secure idea of what religion is like. Or education. Both? School was not a thing for me, and priests give me the creeps. How did you manage?

01 | [Video]

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