video

[nishizono]

[ Tetora was going to chime in with the rest of the newcomers with a text post, but he's feeling a little lazy. So video it is. He looks painfully garden-variety human compared to everyone else he's scrolled past on the TAB, which is a little ironic considering what he actually is. ]

Far as I've seen, everyone's either from super hyperspace sci-fi with the kinky headgear, or anachronistic Dark Ages transplants who got lost on the way to their horses, or talks like they deep-throated a dictionary. It's weird. You guys are weird.

Anyway, the name's Tetora. I'm new. I've also got the worst possible skillset for space, but if any of you are interested in sound engineering, come find me and we'll talk about it.

Is there pizza on the Ingress Complex, by the way? Is that even allowed? I've been going around but I don't think I've found anything that wasn't mystery meat.

Comments

VIDEO

[squadgoals]

About the pizza: No.

But in Kauto R1 "SUPERGROCERYDEPOTLAND" sells these little bready things with a sauce on it that tastes tomato-y. They top them with something called "Gary" when you order them. It's cheesy, in a vegetable kind of way.

[She pauses, and shrugs.]

Any port in a pizza-less storm.

video

[nishizono]

Oh god, they killed Gary! [ He's acting up all dramatic for that line too. ] I'm gonna have to go vegetarian now. ...Kidding, I like meat.

You've had those knockoff bread before? Are they any good?

[squadgoals]

If I'm being completely honest? It's not incredible. Edible, though.

The Gary is good, though. Doesn't melt, but I think they make it out of some kind of nut, so I don't really know what I expected.

[nishizono]

Pass. Hard pass. If I'm gonna eat anything in space and risk food poisoning, I'm sure fucking not gonna do it with cheap fake bread.

...You ate Gary's nuts. You're a risque kind of person, whoah. I'm into it.

[ In all seriousness, though... ]

There are humans here. Right? Normal, run-of-the-mill, "nothing special about me" kind of humans?

[squadgoals]

Hold on, I didn't-- [Shepard pauses, replays her own words, and chuckles. No, she totally did.] Hah. So you heard all that, and managed to make a tackle joke out of it. Hell, color me impressed.

Species-wise, there's humanoid races, but if you're talking about Earth-origin humans? Mostly just the ones that came in on the Moira. We're in the minority.

As for food, if you're holding out for something more of an Earth approximation, I'd give Pax Hamburgana in Kauto R1 a shot. Friend of mine runs it.

[nishizono]

I am to pleasure.

[ Well, not really. The jerkiness is played up to the hilt, because it's easier for him to be a jerk than it is to interact with people like a normal human being. But Tetora has no real frame to work with far as what "normal" is supposed to be. It's tough for everyone involved. ]

So there's not a lot of humans here. That's good. I like that. Humans are pretty damn overrated anyway.

What's your friend's name? Maybe I'll get a discount if I namedrop you or something.

[squadgoals]

Friend's name is Miller — and my name is Shepard. Don't think I caught yours. [He didn't give it. But it's nice to be polite.]

Not a fan of humanity? [It's not exactly the first time she's heard it.]

[nishizono]

Miller - I'll keep it in mind. I'm— [ Hah. Names. Which one to give? ] Tetora, that's good enough to use I guess.

And yeah, no. Humans are disgusting, self-destructive pieces of shit. They're the reason the world's a crap place to live in.

[squadgoals]

Then it's nice to meet you, Tetora. Hope you'll forgive me for my humanity.

[It's said with a shade of sarcasm, but no actual malice or disappointment.]

I take it you're not one, then?

[nishizono]

Oh, ew.

[ There's no heat to his words, though; just an underlying tone of "yeah, I figured, such is life." He's used to being the outlier to the statistics. ]

I'm— If we're going by the script I'm supposed to follow, I'm the backup for a genetic program aimed at creating the ultimate weapon for the new world order. It sounds like a load of bullshit though, so I'm going with "emancipated juvenile delinquent."

[squadgoals]

[Space racism. What's new. She shrugs it off. De nada.]

It's got a nice ring to it.

You could probably slip in a joke about your body being a weapon of mass destruction. Great pick-up line, or so I'm told. [No it isn't and no you haven't.]

[nishizono]

It wouldn't be funny. The joke, I mean. And if girls would stay alive long enough around me for me to pull a line on them -- whatever. It's not something I'm interested in to begin with.

[ Miwa, despite good intentions, have fucked that up reaaal bad for him. As has every other woman in his life, come to think of it. ]

Being a weapon is like being a public toilet. No one cares until they need you.

[squadgoals]

[She nods slowly at the first part, and pauses at the second, blinking twice.]

That's-- a great metaphor for the situation. Sorry you had to come up with it.

audio;

[brokeassgoing]

Nice to know your fancy nerd skills don't chance what a little shit you are. I know a pizza place, but whether or not the meat's hobo meat is another story.

Re: audio;

[nishizono]

[ he recognizes this voice... ]

Eyepatch? With the shitty red hair? Look at you, you're still alive.

audio;

[brokeassgoing]

You must have me mistaken for someone who feels somethin' for your stupid ass insults. Anyway, I could say the same for you. Didja fall off the face of the planet?

audio;

[nishizono]

Pft, wish I did. That sounds like a cool way to go. Maybe one day.

Any pizza places around here?

audio;

[brokeassgoing]

Me too. But I wouldn't recommend it, no one'd remember what goo stain was you.

Uuuhhh I think there's one on r-- one of those. Five, it's five.

[nishizono]

Yeah yeah, fuck you too. You know the way there? You're taking me, I need to eat something better than this shit I've been getting.

[brokeassgoing]

Who the hell said I was volunteering to take you? You paying for this pie?

[nishizono]

Fuckin' duh I'm paying for my own food, what do I look like to you? You're still taking me. You don't have anything else to do.

[brokeassgoing]

...You gonna give me a slice or two?

[nishizono]

If you're behaved. Sure.

Where the fuck are you anyway? [ And who is he? Whatever. Eyepatch works for now. ]

[brokeassgoing]

I'm always on my best behavior.


I'm in my office in r1. Where are you. [just don't tell him that]

[nishizono]

Where the fuck is R1, motherfucking— Hang on to your asshole, I'm on my way.

[ Give him like 40 minutes to get there, ya dick. ]