thisavrou | ❧ 002 [video]

[When the TAB first flickers to life, all that's visible is an intricately scarred cheek with just the slightest peek of ivory fangs past blue lips. There's the faint sound of something shifting about and finally, Kurt comes into full view.

He's sitting on the edge of an old stone fountain, his tail swishing back and forth behind him, a grin plastered across his face.] I know very little about this holiday, but I've read a few things in an attempt to try and understand better.

[Meaning that he has forgone all the really romantic and couple-esque things about 'Valentine's Day' or whatever they would be calling it on Thisavrou.]

Giving chocolate to someone you like is traditional and I have more than a few friends and other people that I enjoy being around, so ... [He reaches over to pick up a small black box and pops the lid off of it, revealing the candy inside.]

Who wants some chocolate? [A soft laugh follows shortly after his inquiry as he replaces the lid and clutches the box to his chest, smile somehow broadening.]

I'm more than willing to deliver it, too.

(ooc: cw for anyone that decides to read the thread with kurt and j. [mentions of self-harm, internalized transphobia and ... self-loathing?])

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[Her long and painted nail moves up and down on his cheek, gently scratching the scarring there. It shouldn't be enough to actually hurt but still should cause some irritation and discomfort on the skin, that is if he really doesn't enjoy from the prickling sensation of pain.

Another mocking laughter escapes from her and J leans her head back a bit to, looking him from head to toe with more measuring and critical eye. There's a small spark of pity and sorry for the poor boy, holding on to his faith so tightly when his appearance made him look nothing but God's lame joke. Well, if it keeps him going who is she to judge.

Except.]

Ha! In my experience it's different. Asking for it won't help unless you'll do the change. So, how are you going to change this? [Her nail presses harder against the rough skin before letting go of him]

But then again, you're right. How would I know anything about God? But I'll tell you I know bullshit when I smell it. And didn't you already say so yourself, hm? That we all have sinful acts that we enjoy?</>

[His eyes wince shut at the scratching along his face, the inconvenience that her nails cause earning a rather pathetic sounding harumph. He's annoyed with the scrape on his scars; it doesn't cause him any unnecessary pain, but he does cringe away from it, if only to try and escape from how awkwardly intimate willing skin contact feels.

She's scrutinizing him and Kurt can sense the condolence. Whether it's mocking or not, he isn't sure because he doesn't bother looking up at J until she 'ha's at him. He opens his mouth to say something, hesitates when the nails press harder into his marred flesh then withdraws with a surprised yelp.

Causing himself pain seems like something different than that, although is he stepping backwards because of J touching him or was there another reason - like how he'd raised his hands to cup his cheeks, averting his gaze to the floor once again at the challenging tone in her voice.]

That ... that is what I said, ja. Why does it matter to you how I look or how God will judge the choices I've made? You have no reason to concern yourself about whether I'm going to hell or not.

I don't. [Again, the reply comes through harsh and cold. She doesn't try to catch him again no does she take steps to close the distance between them. She knows she's in control even without that.]

I don't care where you end or whatever. You can cut and hit yourself with a whip as much you like but-- [She pauses, inhaling deep before blowing the air out heavily between her lips. A few small accidental sparks slip out.]

But don't go acting like you're good or something more than what you really are.

[And finally, for the first time since this conversation, Kurt looks unashamedly offended. She doesn't care, yet she continues to sit and judge his appearance and the poor life choices he's made with no thought to mention her own short-comings?

His lips twitch, fangs baring with a small growl, both hands curling into fists at his sides.] I have never acted as if I am flawless or even a little bit gut. I have only ever been myself and should others accept me for who I am? Great. If not, even better, considering I don't need that sort of negativity around. I got enough of it from the-- [a beat, his features twisting into discomfort,] ... I got enough of it.

[Were he a more brash type of individual, Kurt might have reached for her wrist, pulled her back in and muttered something far more caustic, but he's not. Alternatively, he falls silent, looking uncomfortably tight-lipped before he clears his throat and backpedals another few paces.] I'm not gut. I've done things - terrible things that I cannot rectify and for the rest of my life, I will live with that. I never ask for anything, but if there's one thing I would ever wish for someone to understand, it would be that I'm not this charming, silver-tongued devil that everyone tries to make me out to be.

[He releases a harsh breath, takes another step back and reaches around to find the doorknob.] I'd also prefer it if people would get to know me before they decide to judge me for what I am, [another pause, the glint in those iridescent eyes sharpening,] because while I may be bad, by God, I'm sure trying to do my best to not be. Don't assume that you know as much.

[There it is - all laid out in a neat little pile for J to see. Kurt hasn't thought of himself as a 'decent' sort of being for a long time, having been forced to flee from his family, struggling with the circus in Munich, then the fight club in Berlin, both of his battles with Angel ... He's hurt people, made others bleed, taken their lives to protect his own and his friends. For the latter, he would sacrifice everything, but himself? Why, it felt almost selfish of him to want to live.

He stands there a moment longer, completely silent, except for his labored breathing. His head shakes and he pivots to face the door, clenching his fingers around the handle and pulling it open.] ... enjoy your chocolate, miss J.

[Then, unless she decides to stop him, he's out of there as quickly as he can manage.]

❧ 002 [video]

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