Audio; 4/1

[peridork]

[ooc: this is forward dated to April 1st, so newbies feel free to come back and tag in once the intro log goes up and the gates are officially open!]
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[Audio]

[It sure has been a good while since Peridot has addressed a message to the whole crew… And as it turns out, she’s not intentionally breaking that silence.

Recently, she has been fiddling with the tech built into her limb enhancers, and with her MID, in order to facilitate a proper exchange of data between the two. Synchronization. Efficiency. Music to her little space rock ears.

It’s about to bite her in the ass.

It’s just a regular afternoon like any other when the message goes up, and it’s quickly obvious that the contents were not exactly meant for the public eye.]

Log date, 855...

Since receiving a surprise delivery last month containing the completed works of the horrible, enrapturing human entertainment drivel known as “Camp Pining Hearts”, I have subjected myself to no fewer than eight watches of the series in its exhaustive entirety. Last night as of 18:00 hours SST marked the end of my most recent endeavor. And yet, still, I cannot possibly even begin to grasp how the human CLODS who wrote this cruddy dirt-heap of a story, could possibly deny the obviously SUPERIOR romantic match, that is PERCY AND PIERRE!

[She pauses briefly to collect herself, inhaling deeply.]

I could expound further upon this, but seeing as I have dedicated my last three entries to the topic, I am opting to take a different approach this time. Following the suggestion of a fellow crew member, I have been considering potential “re writes”, so to speak, of catalyst plot moments throughout the CPH saga. Corrections to the writing that actually work with the vast amounts of subtext supporting the one true romantic pairing of Percy and Pierre, which will ultimately result in the two of them dominating each other’s hearts, the camp, and eventually, the world.

[Peridot clears her throat before getting right into it.]

Potential scenario number one: Camp Clod decides to hold an intensely competitive camp-wide game of the human sport known as “capture the flag”. Rather than playing by the standard rules, this game has the campers split up into four color coded, even-numbered teams of players. Needless to say, our two main characters are both members of the yellow team, alongside several C-list extras who will serve to move some of the action of the game along in the background. The devious blue team lead by none other than the treacherous witch Paulette has already stacked the odds in their favor by planting their flag in the most diabolical, impossible to reach location in the entire camp: THE BOTTOM. OF THE LAKE.

Of course what the blue team fails to consider is that the lake is impossible to reach for all but one: Percy, with his indomitable lung capacity, volunteers to take the dive and capture the blue team’s flag, in order to secure victory for his beloved yellow team.

BUT: Conflict arises when Percy encounters trouble underwater: A trap, set by the enemy team for the purpose of protecting their flag, goes horribly awry and puts Percy in mortal danger. Even he cannot indefinitely withstand the crushing pressure of several tons of lake water. But then, just when all hope seems lost, Pierre boldly dives into the depths to rescue his imperiled teammate, pulling him back to the surface in the embrace of his powerfully muscular arms. The pair make it back to the beach, BUT! Percy is still not breathing. There’s only one thing for Pierre to do: He must perform the CPR--

[She’s distracted mid-tirade by a beeping sound from her MID. That’s when she notices that it has been recording and broadcasting literally everything she’s been saying to the entire damn ship.
A horrible strangled yowl erupts, and then the message cutes off.]

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[VIDEO, several hours later]

[When Peridot comes back, she looks disturbingly blank faced, but there’s a horrible fire burning just behind her eyes as she stares into the tiny wrist-mounted camera. After a moment she speaks:]

If any of you dare to mention ANYTHING. About what you may or may not have heard earlier. I’ll... I'll... Nnngaahhh, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’LL DO EXACTLY, BUT I PROMISE, I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET IT!!! PERIDOT, OUT!

Comments

video

[daintylegs]

You have to be the most adorable person I've ever met.

[Tailgate says as though this is a completely indisputable fact.]

I had no idea gems wrote fanfiction! That's incredible.

video

[peridork]

[There was ONE RULE TO THAT SECOND POST, TAILGATE. Peridot looks positively murderous, her tone tart and clipped:]

Are you saying that as a compliment or as a reason for not taking me seriously?

And it's not FAN FICTION, whatever that is. It's doing the world a favor by correcting a grievous narrative wrong.

video

[daintylegs]

[Rules are for nerds and Tailgate's no nerd.]

Hey now, adorable people can be taken seriously! You just have to believe in it and it shall be so.

[He says, wrongfully thinking that this is the truth.]

Fanfiction is fiction made by fans of the show. I'm pretty sure what you were just doing there is fiction made by a fan, so it's definitely fanfiction.

[peridork]

[GRUMBLE GRUMBLE] If I had any say in things it'd be canon, not fiction.

Whatever! Don't call me adorable, and erase whatever memory you have of that post from your brain and never speak of it again!

[petrifiedshadow]

[ This again? As if he didn't hear enough about Percy and Pierre whenever Peridot happened to be in the room, now she was sending him messages over the MID. It wasn't until her video cut off that he realized she must have been broadcasting to everyone, not just him.

Starflight looks a little bemused when he replies, politely not mentioning the blunder.]

That premise isn't bad but there are some pretty glaring problems with using drowning as the main plot point. How did the blue team set up the trap if Percy was the only one who could dive deep enough to reclaim the flag? How could Pierre reach Percy underwater? What's CPR? That's a lot of unnecessary questions you'd have to explain to keep the story plausible.

[ He's not an expert or a professional by any means, but Starflight does consider himself pretty well versed in stories and has even written a few things himself. He feels pretty qualified to give his roommate some pointers. ]

[peridork]

[Wow Starflight did she ASK for your constructive criticism? NO. SHE DID NOT.

She's going full deviantARTist on this shit. DEFENSIVE SPLUTTERING: GO!]

That isn't-- I mean, I wasn't... THESE WERE JUST NOTES FOR MYSELF, all you've heard is a basic summary! I just hadn't gotten into all of the details yet, you clod! And obviously you fail to grasp that there are ways to get a flag underwater without actually swimming it down there. All the blue team would have to do is take a "canoe" out to the middle of the lake, attach something heavy to the flag, and drop it in! Gravity and fluid dynamics do the rest!

[petrifiedshadow]

I didn't ask about the flag, Peridot. I asked about the trap.

[peridork]

Well... Fine! The same principles still apply! There are ways to rig a trap without actually having to go underwater, if you put your mind to it!

...Of course that does raise the issue of inadvertently implying that the blue team would be clever enough to figure out such a thing in the first place. Hm...

[video]

[coolskeletonnyehntyfive]

[He heard what you said about not mentioning it, and he was going to be good, really he was!

But he's so curious.]

That show sounds magnificent! Action! Drama! Romance! Is it available in the library?

Text;

[peridork]

It's not magnificent, it's absolute irredeemable garbage, and you're better off sparing yourself from ever witnessing it!

[Except then immediately after she sends that, she then sends him the following direct private message:]

No, it's not in the library, because the DVDs are my own personal property. However... I might be willing to host a screening for you. That is, if you're really willing to subject yourself to endless hours of the idiotic lives of the members of Camp Clod. On that note, I highly recommend sparing yourself.

[No she doesn't. Please give her an excuse to watch it again Papyrus.]

[private text]

[coolskeletonnyehntyfive]

ENDLESS HOURS OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE HUMAN DRAMA? THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!! AND SIMILAR TO LIFE ON THE MOIRA!

[He used to enjoy watching TV back home, but this ship doesn't carry the MTT-brand network. The idea of seeing something new and spending time with his little crabby green friend sounds like the perfect afternoon plan.]

LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN! I'LL BE THERE WITH BELLS ON!

WELL, NOT LITERAL BELLS, PROBABLY. I THINK I LEFT THOSE AT HOME.

video

[stompadour]

Camp... Pining Hearts?

Re: video

[peridork]

[NO.]

[Peridot is blushing so hard it looks like she might explode. Her teeth are gritted painfully.]

It's. Not. IMPORTANT.

[stompadour]

[Jasper makes a half-assed effort to conceal a smirk.]

Looks like it's pretty important to you...

What is this, one of those... entertainment broadcasts? Why do you care about this so much if it's really that bad? Did you just run out of things to fix?

[Hm. Maybe that is it? Jasper's smirk fades a little. She knows she gets kind of restless when she has nothing to do, but it has to be harder on a peridot – there's practically always work for them. Maybe being put in an environment where she doesn't have enough work to keep her occupied is messing with her or something? It can't be healthy.

Jasper leans in a little, as if to get a better look at her. Her expression is a sort of stern squint.]

Hey. You feeling okay?

[allyisun]

[Wow, this is more nerd than even Allison used to lay claim to.]

Geez, just write a shipping manifesto already.

video;

[peridork]

[Her nose wrinkles, expression registering mingled confusion and disgust:]

Shipping manifesto?

Video;

[allyisun]

Wow, you are so new to the fandom thing.

Okay, so, what you're doing? It's called 'shipping'. It's short for 'relationshipping' from, y'know, 'relationship'. It's what you're totally behind characters being in a relationship with each other.

Now, some people like their ships so much - that's what, uh, Percy and Pierre are for you. They're your ship - that they write long essays on why their ship works and is great.

Or, um, so I hear.

After the second video

[ersatzeverything]

Awwww, but I'd love to hear more about the passionate affair between Percy and Pierre.

[He says, all lampoonery.]

[peridork]

YOU! You... You be silent!!!!

[Yeah that's the best retort she can come up with at the moment.]

video;

[foggybear]

Relax, relax, I get like this when I watch the Bachelor, it's normal.

[ And after a pause: ]

'Percy, with his indomitable lung capacity?' How do you even know that?

[peridork]

[She rolls her eyes.]

Obviously you've never seen the show, or you'd already know that. It's all there in the subtext: Percy is shown diving to the bottom of the lake numerous times over the course of the series, albeit under widely varying circumstances.

[foggybear]

[ He's trying very, very hard not to laugh. It's actually quite a restraint for him. ]

Right, right. I haven't actually watched it, but you make me want to.

[ Hmm. here's an idea: ] What are your top five things about it? Hit me with them.

video; oh my goooodddd this is GOLD

[hyperkinesia]

[ Bruce couldn't possibly look more amused right now. And if Peridot's looking embarrassed in any way, then all the funnier he finds all this.

It's kind of cute, actually, and very... human. Granted, more like a human teenager than anything else, but anyway. Bruce isn't about to point any of that out to her. ]

So, you'll be writing fanfiction now? What about those of us who haven't watched the show, will you be sharing? I mean, we need to form our own opinions as far as shipping goes.

[ Oh yes, he's so serious. ]

(B

[peridork]

[Riled up as she is, she’s having a hard time telling if Bruce is making fun of her or not. That, and the fact that its friends like him that she was most worried about seeing this post in the first place. She blushes, bristling with hostility.]

Don’t you patronize me, Banner, I have enough to contend with already without your insincere contributions!

[hyperkinesia]

[ For what it's worth, he's not judging her, nor does he think any less of her for it. If anything he finds it interesting to see her exhibit a kind of behavior she would've likely ascribed to humans in the past. It's interesting, and actually he likes to see her show these kinds of interests. It's good for her.

Still, he drops his head in a faint nod, and at least has the decency to look somewhat apologetic when he smiles at her. ] Sorry. I wasn't trying to patronize you. I honestly think that it's nice you're a fan of this... TV show, I take it? It's like you have a hobby, pretty much. [ Finally. ]