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[ Hello, crew of the Moira. If you look at your MID devices, you'll be seeing one baby-faced space marine covered in kittens. Well, not covered, but he's got three climbing all over him while he's piled under a blanket. There's a ginger one, a fluffy grey tabby, and a chocolate brown-almost-black one, all of which seem to be enjoying their new climbing post. Wash, meanwhile, has a wide grin on his face. It's been too long since he's been around cats, okay? And he loves the little buggers. ]

I'm guessing I'm not the only one who's noticed the kittens in the garden? And if I am, well, there're kittens in the garden. And they're pretty adorable. I'm not entirely sure where they came from, but if anyone else wants some, I'd recommend getting down there and adopting one or two. They could use some warm love in these temperatures.

[ To emphasize, he shivers a little, though his expression doesn't shift a bit. He's quite literally thrilled by this turn of events. Kittens, guys. KITTENS. ]

I stayed and played with as many as I could for a while to keep them active, but there's only so much I could do, you know? So I grabbed these guys [ he gestures with his shoulders to the kittens climbing in and out of the blanket hanging over him ] and brought them back to my room. Figured I'd give them a home.

And now for the other reason for this broadcast--I could use some name suggestions. [ He doesn't even look sheepish. He legitimately wants help with cat names and either doesn't care or doesn't realize how ridiculous that sounds. ] So, if you have any, maybe leave them for me?

Oh! And I'm Wash, by the way. Agent Washington, technically, but everyone just calls me Wash.

[ And there the feed ends, with Wash still grinning his stupid "CATS" grin and a kitten batting at his chest. ]

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[ miles looks pretty surprised, but also, grinning in delight. oh, man. wait till ivan hears about this. ]

Ah, the tiny cats? Yes, those would've come from the kitten tree. I'm glad to see it's dropped its fruit.

[ it sounds exactly the kind of thing someone would say to string someone else along, except it's totally true. ]

...Kitten tree?

[ Immediately Wash's face blanks out. ]

Wait, these are fruit cats? They look like normal ones to me! Aside from maybe being a little on the small side...

Oh, yes. They came from the kitten tree -- it's in the garden. Ah, but it's sort of on the small side, so it's easy to miss. That's why these cats are so small, you see. Bonsai kitten tree, miniature cats. They were in bloom when it got here, but I wasn't sure it'd actually drop the cats.

[ totally straight face here. ]

[ H...ow do you say that with a straight face????

For several long moments, Wash just stares. The kittens continue to wiggle around on him, ruining the effect to an extent, but he takes no note of this. Instead he just keeps staring. He's gullible, okay, but only to an extent. Gosh. ]

...You're kidding me, right?

[ miles' eyebrows raise slightly at that, as if in challenge. his gaze flicks briefly to the cats wriggling around onscreen, then back to wash's face. totally straight face, yep. ]

Do I look like I'm lying to you?

[ he is 100% telling the truth but also it's pretty hilarious to watch wash try to figure out if miles is yanking his chain. ]

No. But sometimes that's part of the joke.

[ UNSURE FACE. Wash goes silent again and surveys Miles' expression a while longer, just trying to figure out whether or not this is actually a joke or not. Because it really does sound like one.

In the end though, he starts to relent. ]

...They're seriously from a tree? Does that makes them, like. [ He stops there, thinking. ] They're not actually fruit, right? They're still cats, just like normal cats, but tinier?

[ miles' face breaks into a grin, unable to help himself. he is totally telling the truth, but wash's uncertainty is hilarious and kind of adorable. he looks thoughtful, tapping his chin. ]

I mean, I suppose they're fruit in a very literal sense of the word. They came from that tree, after all. But as far as I know...just normal tiny cats. [ he spreads his hands. ] I didn't invent the damn thing, it just followed us here from home. It's considered something of an art form, on...some worlds.

[ Wash huffs a little at the grin, because he's beginning to get the idea that the guy is fucking with him. Reminds him of York, in a way. ]

Okay. As long as they don't, like, start turning into fruit or sprouting or something, I'm good. [ Still looking a little put-out, but there's curiosity that crosses his face at. ] Art form? Really? Because I heard from another guy that they're... I dunno, that he doesn't like them. Made them sound...inhumane.

[ miles actually laughs at that, giving wash a manic grin. ]

Who, my cousin Ivan? Oh, he had a bad experience with one of those things a few years back. Really soured him on the whole idea. We did see it at an art show, though -- well, more of a competition -- a much bigger one, the size of a proper tree. I really thought it was one of a kind.

Apparently not. But for an art piece, I guess it's pretty impressive that it actually works.

[ Pondering this for a few moments. ]

...So would a properly-sized tree like this produce properly-sized cats?

[ Just curious. The teeny ones are super cute but now this whole thing has him interested. Well, it already did because cats were involved, but now more so than before. ]

Actually, I...don't think the photosynthetic gestation of cats was the point of the piece. It was more for the aesthetic value, as I understand it. Honestly, I didn't think they designed it to drop the kittens at all, but maybe it was just an inevitable fact of biology. But, ah, yes. The kittens we saw were more normal-sized.

[ he pauses, shrugs. ]

So, yeah. Go wild. Adopt a bunch of cats, Wash. They're ripe for the taking.

[ he grins. ]

...That makes no sense. I mean...how do you make a tree that's just supposed to be pretty, and end up with one that drops cats like fruit?

[ He just doesn't get it. Granted, they're from different worlds, so maybe that's almost a normal thing for Miles, but for Wash? It's just confusing.

The next comment makes Wash's expression fall. Makes it turn a little sour even. It darkens, and he grimaces. ]

That's a terrible joke. [ Considering what happens when they're not ripe? ] Just. Really awful.

[ miles' grin just widens, and he waves. ]

Have fun with the kittens, Wash. Try not to let them get too underfoot.

[ miles ends the call. see ya, wash ]

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