(No one in the fifties asked boys about their feelings. It's just how things were. There were a lot of reasons Eddie didn't have a fighting chance of making it out of the Derry mentality. Shit, mental health in general back then was a well-kept family secret for the most part.
But Sans had been enlisted as a friend for Eddie, someone he could maybe express his concerns to at the very least. He bends himself towards Sans, tucking himself into that private bubble between the two of them.
He looks nervous and yeah, Sans was about to figure that no, his mother wasn't so high-five-worthy at all.)
I'm-.
(He looks over his shoulder as if expecting Sonia Kaspbrak to be standing right there, staring him down, Eddie-bear? I've been looking all over for you, Eddie. Are you trying to run away from your mother? Do you not love me anymore? Eddie!
But there is no such thing there and he slowly turns his head back around. Guilt rubs him raw but he has to admit it- even if it's only to one person.)
I love my mommy. I really do. (That's the first thing he says- because it's true. Eddie doesn't know how to not love her. His relationship with his mother was so ingrained into him that it fucked with every piece of hard wiring he had and it didn't matter how deep the resentment went for her lying to him.)
But I-...I'm kind of...happy she isn't here. I don't know how to be on my own and I'm a little scared about that, but I think if she were here, it'd be a lot worse. She would be scared and I don't think I would ever leave the medical place here. And I'm not exaggerating. I really think she'd lock me down there because she wouldn't be able to believe that I could be safe out here- in the open air.
(There isn't that childlike fear of a parent grounding their kid. There's something extremely real on Eddie's face, a waver in his voice.
Granted, he was pretty anxious about space illnesses himself. How could he not be? But even as much of a hypochondriac as Eddie was, it would never be as bad as his mother was.)
no subject
But Sans had been enlisted as a friend for Eddie, someone he could maybe express his concerns to at the very least. He bends himself towards Sans, tucking himself into that private bubble between the two of them.
He looks nervous and yeah, Sans was about to figure that no, his mother wasn't so high-five-worthy at all.)
I'm-.
(He looks over his shoulder as if expecting Sonia Kaspbrak to be standing right there, staring him down, Eddie-bear? I've been looking all over for you, Eddie. Are you trying to run away from your mother? Do you not love me anymore? Eddie!
But there is no such thing there and he slowly turns his head back around. Guilt rubs him raw but he has to admit it- even if it's only to one person.)
I love my mommy. I really do. (That's the first thing he says- because it's true. Eddie doesn't know how to not love her. His relationship with his mother was so ingrained into him that it fucked with every piece of hard wiring he had and it didn't matter how deep the resentment went for her lying to him.)
But I-...I'm kind of...happy she isn't here. I don't know how to be on my own and I'm a little scared about that, but I think if she were here, it'd be a lot worse. She would be scared and I don't think I would ever leave the medical place here. And I'm not exaggerating. I really think she'd lock me down there because she wouldn't be able to believe that I could be safe out here- in the open air.
(There isn't that childlike fear of a parent grounding their kid. There's something extremely real on Eddie's face, a waver in his voice.
Granted, he was pretty anxious about space illnesses himself. How could he not be? But even as much of a hypochondriac as Eddie was, it would never be as bad as his mother was.)