[As long as there was something to keep fighting for, as long as there were still answers to be found, there was always, always a direction. Always the next step. The next fight, or mission or even training scenario.]
[But now? Now he knows the end result. And it's like all the strings are cut. Like all the ties are severed and there's nothing left to hold him down, pull him along. It's not true, and he knows that. But that's the feeling.]
[Of course he's going to keep working, find something to do to get through this. Fight through this. And of course he's going to fall back on old habits, even through promises to try and be better. He owes them all this, doesn't he? Owes them all to keep trying to be that unshakable, constant thing.]
[None of this is fair.]
[Least of all to the people, to the pieces of his team, who've had their lives ripped apart because of it. How can he do anything less but keep fighting? For their sake?]
[Even when some moments it feels like there's no point to it.]
It's okay, you --
[You don't have to say anything. But words don't come right away. He lifts his head, a little surprised at the contact, but not pushing it aside. The expression on his face cracks around the edges, the deep weariness cut by something else.]
[Some... watery sort of half-smile.]
Yeah. Yeah, I know that. I've never forgotten that.
[And just like before, he slings his own arm around his teammate, because it's hug time, god dammit. All of them deserve the reassurance. And this way, no one has to see the reason his eyes have started to sting.]
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[But now? Now he knows the end result. And it's like all the strings are cut. Like all the ties are severed and there's nothing left to hold him down, pull him along. It's not true, and he knows that. But that's the feeling.]
[Of course he's going to keep working, find something to do to get through this. Fight through this. And of course he's going to fall back on old habits, even through promises to try and be better. He owes them all this, doesn't he? Owes them all to keep trying to be that unshakable, constant thing.]
[None of this is fair.]
[Least of all to the people, to the pieces of his team, who've had their lives ripped apart because of it. How can he do anything less but keep fighting? For their sake?]
[Even when some moments it feels like there's no point to it.]
It's okay, you --
[You don't have to say anything. But words don't come right away. He lifts his head, a little surprised at the contact, but not pushing it aside. The expression on his face cracks around the edges, the deep weariness cut by something else.]
[Some... watery sort of half-smile.]
Yeah. Yeah, I know that. I've never forgotten that.
[And just like before, he slings his own arm around his teammate, because it's hug time, god dammit. All of them deserve the reassurance. And this way, no one has to see the reason his eyes have started to sting.]
But I think I needed the reminder.