Memoir One ✓ video

[hawkethat]

[The video opens on the face of a handsome man in possession of a truly magnificent beard. He hesitates for a brief second until he's sure the device is working, then flashes a charming grin.]

This is a really strange question, but I'm going to ask it anyway:

Does anyone have any ideas about the best way to befriend oneself? Multiple attempts at striking up a friendly conversation have ended in vomit and tears, so I'm kind of at a loss.

I warned you not to try and pick me up after I’d been drinking. I hope when you go to the bar you don’t literally pick anyone up.

...And there were no tears.

[The camera shifts to as the man looks at a thin woman with dark hair and light eyes, playing idly with her TAB. This is Marian Hawke as many know her. Unlike the man who’s grinning, she mostly looks like she’s bewildered at how she got into this situation and how best to get out of it. Despite the different expressions, however, the resemblance between them is distinct.]

Normally I'd take them out for a few drinks and then maybe stumble over to a brothel, but that seems a little...eh, I dunno, is "incestuous" the right word, here? Or would "masturbatory" be more appropriate?

“Masturbatory”, definitely.

[Is the lady Hawke’s vote.]

Let’s not disrespect biology by going with "incestuous". Though you can buy me another drink all the same. I never turn down a gift.

Hmm...I was leaning that way too, honestly. Still, awkward.

[Here he pauses again to flash another charming grin at the TAB, and also wink conspiratorially.]

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Oh, I can’t wait to see what the people come up with. Hopefully it involves more drinking.

[She just… shakes her head and glances at the sky, wondering what she did to deserve this.]

Comments

[neverheardofhim]

[Varric winced. He was used to hearing about this kind of stuff from Hawke but... Carver. The boy was a disaster, he knew that much, but he hated to hear just how bad it could get. Not to mention the fact that anything involving the elder Hawke was bound to be that much worse.]

And get in the way of your bonding session? [He shook his head.] Besides, Bianca can barely handle one of you making bedroom eyes at me at a time.

[hawkethat]

Pretty sure you mean "facilitate." If anyone can do it, it's you. And Bianca knows she has nothing to worry about - I could never make a move so long as she's watching, and I know you're a man of your word.

[neverheardofhim]

I'll need a much stronger drink than whatever they have there to do something like that, Waffles. But I appreciate you thinking so highly of me.

[hawkethat]

How do you know they don't have anything strong enough unless you come down and check?

[Eh? Eh? Come oooooon, buddy, you know you wanna!]

[neverheardofhim]

Will it get you two to cooperate?

[hawkethat]

Hey, I'm trying my best! You'll have to ask her.

[It's astonishingly like trying to befriend Carver...the attitude, the chip on her shoulder...The drinking all his money away is new, though - Carver always had too much pride to accept Garrett's help that way.]

[neverheardofhim]

I am, I am.

But I expect to be comped for my efforts in the form of high quality alcohol, Waffles.

[hawkethat]

As if I could ever let you down!

...And if this place can't deliver for whatever reason, Fenris and I just leased a farm. We'll have a still or two up and brewing as soon as possible, and you'll be the first to taste the fruits of our labor.

[neverheardofhim]

The fruits of two men's labor. Sounds like a bad idea if I've ever heard one, kid. [He winked at the camera.] I hope you have a room to spare though, Waffles. If you think I won't be paying the two of you weekly visits, you've got another thing coming.

[hawkethat]

I think you mean excellent idea.

And of course you'll have your own room. I'd be disappointed if you weren't planning to crash at some point.

[neverheardofhim]

Try at least once a week. If you're anything like Marian, you're going to need someone to keep an eye on you.

[hawkethat]

At least? Meaning there's a possibility for more than once? Good, because we still have a lot to catch up on.

[neverheardofhim]

You're not getting rid of me, kid. That's for damn sure.

[hawkethat]

[Ugh, it does his heart good to hear that.]

If you're trying to make a threat, it's not a very good one, because I don't actually have any desire to get rid of you. Especially not now that I've finally found you again.

[neverheardofhim]

[He made a face, trying desperately to hide the smile building there.]

If Marian doesn't let me come now, we'll have to meet later, okay? Just the two of us.

I'd like to get to know the Hawke that the universe didn't bless me with. [A beat, before glancing to Marian in the background.] Not that you're not Andraste's greatest gift, Chuckles.

[hawkethat]

Absolutely - You can come out to the new place - it'll be good to know you know where it's at. And we can always have a pint or two there, as well.

[neverheardofhim]

You know, you're a good kid. Quickly on your way to becoming my second favorite, no less.

[hawkethat]

I must be off my game, if it's already taken this long to rise in the ranks of your favor.

I blame the travel conditions prior to arriving here as well as the alcohol shortage.

[neverheardofhim]

Doesn't matter what you did and didn't do. We're making it right now, aren't we?

[hawkethat]

Yeah, better late than never, guess. Especially in this case.

You'd better hurry, though, or we'll have all the good stuff drunk up by the time you get here.