ivan "pretty boy from barrayar" vorpatril (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whatdidisay) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thisavrou2015-12-29 11:43 am
whatdidisay) wrote in thisavrou2015-12-29 11:43 am
video. 001.
( the face that appears is open and handsome, smiling charmingly and with wavy black hair parted smartly to one side. it's clear from the feed that he's unusually tall, and his accent when he speaks is rich and warm, though guttural. a cousin to russian, maybe, if someone was familiar with that particular accent. he's dressed in the given uniforms of the ship, reclining in his assigned quarters that are, for once, blissfully quiet.
well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )
Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—
( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )
I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.
He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.
( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )
Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.
( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )
So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.
ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
well mostly, because there's a small, tiny meow coming from his hand — a grey kitten from the bonsai kitten tree. someone's stepped up and taken responsibility for something that came from his universe. ivan's petting it absently with a finger until it decides that its had enough of that and sinks its teeth into it instead. ivan hisses in annoyance as he tries to pry it away. )
Get off you little monster — I knew General Count Piotr was a good name for you—
( because his great uncle was a right fucking terror. anyway, onto the point of this broadcast! )
I'm looking to set up my cousin on a blind date. He's going to drive me mad otherwise — I think he's doing it on purpose this time, instead of it being a natural byproduct of his personality. ( a beat, and then he has a really great idea. ) And my other, more distant cousin, because he deserves to have a good time for once in his life. I can vouch for them both if you like, give an honest opinion of them to interested parties, but I think they'd like to speak for themselves. Well, one of them you won't be able to get to stop.
He likes tall women. Dark hair, and with the ability to break him in half if they wanted to. Not actually that hard to do, so be careful when throwing him around. I'm told he's charming, but it comes across as him being an egotistical prat. Damned clever and knows it, so be prepared to suffer if you can’t keep up. Requirements include being open to sexual creativity and unusual partners.
( you're welcome, miles vorkosigan. )
Anyway, the other one's your typical tall, dark, silent fellow. I don't actually know what his type is, come to think of it, and I'm not sure anyone does. M'mother would have thrown every woman that fit it at him until he married one of them if she knew. If the phrase 'let’s wait and see what happens' won't drive you up the wall, he's the guy for you. Requirements include being open to having five children. At least.
( you're also welcome, gregor vorbarra. please find a nice woman and get married and have as many children as there are uterine replicators on barrayar. )
So! Interested? Let me know and I’ll set you up.
ADDED IN LATER:
Nevermind about the child thing, just be willing to handle a fun, no-committment deal with him instead.
video; private
[Gregor's voice is dangerously pleasant and his eyes are frosty.]
What the hell do you think you're doing?
video; private
You can't seriously tell me you don't want to enjoy this time away from both m'mother and Barrayar, Gregor. Since when have you ever had the chance to just date someone? It's fun, there's no commitment.
Just try it, okay?
video; private
video; private
I could make an addendum.
video; private
How does Elizabeth feel about children, Ivan? Have you inquired?
video; private
( GREGOR WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. )
That's never really something you ask on the first date, Greg. You know like, "Hi, most of my family has been killed because of who we're related to, do you fancy having more children so this can happen to you?"
( give him like, five seconds. )
Oh. Addendum it is.
video; private
It's bad enough you pulled a stunt like this in the first place. And-- [A little indignantly.] --I do not say 'let's see what happens' that often!
video; private
( he actually is! look at his sincere sorry face! the whiplash of gregor as cousin and gregor as emperor is hard to deal with, and ivan's been shoving most things here into gregor as cousin, which he's coming to really like.
his indignity over the whole 'let's see what happens' thing makes ivan smile, though. )
You do it so much we all fill in the blanks whenever we ask what you said to an ongoing problem.
video; private
Ivan! That just makes it sound like I'm not serious at all! Nobody is going to answer if they think I'm just going to be jerking them around! Is this supposed to be helping?
video; private
( he possibly should have asked this first )
video; private
video; private
video; private
video; private
( this works when miles tries it, maybe it'll work for him. )
video; private
I see. I still don't understand why that would make you put in a personals add for me.
video; private
Because you should enjoy this, away from m'mother and everyone else -- trust me, I know how she gets. And not just to put more bodies between me and your job, although I'm not going to lie and say that wouldn't be nice. But if you want to be Greg what's the harm in going out and having fun?
Just, you know. Don't do anything that would send Simon into fits. Large fits.
video; private
Ivan, what I'm truly enjoying here is people not meddling constantly in my private affairs. This most definitely qualifies as meddling, and I do not appreciate it.
video; private
( ivan that's the point )
Right, yeah, understood. No more attempting to get the definitely not an emperor a girlfriend.
video; private
Thank you, Ivan. I--and Miles, I suspect--prefer to do this sort of thing in our own time, I think.
video; private
Sure thing, Greg.
video; private
Ivan.
video; private
( insert vapid, innocent bystander look here. )
video; private
[Until some time later, when Gregor's face flicks on over the feed, looking... pretty much the same as he always does. Only Ivan will be able to tell the difference in the tiny little drawn lines of misery tightening at the corners of eyes.]
We need to talk.
video; private
dammit clark, why couldn't you keep that to yourself? )
If I start off with 'he guessed it, I just confirmed,' can we get to the part where you're cripplingly disappointed in me and we don't? ( it's a last ditch defense, and ivan's shoulders sag. ) Yeah, sure.
( sire. )
Re: video; private
[There's a long pause, and his face is at its blandest, utterly unreadable. Only his voice gives him away, quiet and raw.]
In private, if you please.
private; video
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